When I decided I wanted to stay out of the dating world for a while, I was met with a variety of reactions. From “Don’t worry, you’ll find someone,” to “Sure, you want to be single now, but wouldn’t it be great if you met the right guy?”, it was clear that few people supported the decision.
I chose to stay single because I was so extraordinarily happy with the people and work in my life and didn’t want to rearrange any of it to make room for a significant other. But as soon as I dropped dating from my priorities list, a lot of people seemed determined to put it back. The advocacies for online dating, the offers to set me up, and the insistences that I’d change my mind, if only I found the right guy, were endless.
My feminist side was miffed. Here I was, young and unbearably happy and surrounded by people trying to convince me that my life was imperfect because it didn’t include a guy. Even though we say we’re past the idea that a woman needs a man to be complete, in practice it seems we’re not.
What kind of message are we sending when we encourage our girlfriends to find a man, even when she’s professed a desire to remain single for a while? Romance is wonderful, but it’s hardly the only thing worth living for. If a woman chooses to focus on her career, her friends, or something as simple as having the entire mattress to herself, why can’t we support that?
Despite the progress feminism has made, it seems we still see an unmarried woman as a failure. I have known so many successful, happy single women who are pitied and looked down upon –as if something is fundamentally wrong with them because they aren’t married– a phenomenon much rarer for single men.
It’s important to learn how to create happiness from within, rather than looking to the external world for personal fulfillment. Everyone should to take some time alone to understand the difference between alone and lonely. To enjoy time with friends, and develop individuality and independence. We should encourage young women to enjoy singledom as a time of personal and professional growth and realization. Instead, we share dating advice.
Despite all this, the benefits of single life are starting to gain popularity. More people live alone now than ever before. 15 million people in the US between the ages of 35 and 64 choose to remain single. They’ve escaped the pressure to commit to a relationship and opted to enjoy single life instead. This often gives them more opportunities to be social, and to build their career, than married life would. So why can’t we encourage that choice—or at least respect it?
It all ties back to the traditional family values we cling to. For those who do choose to date, more expectations aren’t far behind: When are you going to get married? Are you going to have kids? How are you going to raise them? From the dolls we played house with, to politicians who give commencement speeches telling us to get married and have kids, we’ve been schooled on what we should want. Apparently, we should want to see women married and raising 2.5 kids behind white picket fences. But in this time of change and reevaluation of marriage, can’t we allow people to dispense with these notions all together?
Women exist outside marriage and motherhood, a concept that we all should’ve internalized a long time ago. Instead of shoving girls into relationships, we should encourage each other to take time for ourselves. Enjoy singledom while you have it. That’s not to say we should all give up on love and marriage; both are beautiful, valuable things. But being single is as well, and it’s time we acknowledged that.
Have you ever chosen to remain single for a while? Share your singledom stories in the comments!
I’m happy I found this! My sister is 21 and has been single her whole life. Not one boyfriend. And after high school she became totally OK with it. She’s now got a great career, working towards getting out of her comfort zone more and starting yoga. She’s happy with her life. I will share this article with her.
Hello! Thank you heaps for this article, I recently got out of a bad relationship. In result of that I’m very career driven and I’m off to chase my wildest dreams and be the successful young woman I aim to be ??
And who can say that what I’m doing is wrong?
Thank you for this article, it has put things into perspective. I was in a long term relationship for most of my uni life and I’m trying to find myself again. I’m now going to focus on my post grad and be the best teacher I can be and hopefully everything else will follow pursuit. I don’t have time for a relationship as much as I’d love to be in one.
I really enjoyed reading this article, I have been single for nearly 4 months after a 3 year relationship that went sour, at 23 I think it’s time for me to be selfish and work on my career and travel not worrying about “his” career and “him” working around the country 🙂 this is inspirational !!
I love this article I just turned 26 and while at the beach realized I was the only single one and felt a bit lonely. This is a good reminder why and that its ok. I was in a very long toxic abusive relationship from age 15-24 and due to all the controlling going on I lost who I was. I still am figuring out what I like to do, see, say, what team I like Ect. I think as you put it I need to get to know and love myself before I can ask anyone else to do the same. I too hope to be in a healthy relationship down the line, but not anytime soon. There is still a lot I got to work out. Thanks for this great article.
Up to 30s I do not recommend getting married and starting a serious relationship at all. I see everybody around me who got married and all those kids… I do not know what to say. Okey feeling secure, having a family is nice but there is a huge world out there. If I were married at my 20s I am sure that I would have regretted that I did so.
It’s working out well for me; I’ve been single and not seeking relationships for the past few years and I have no plans on changing it.
Being in a relationship is too much of a stress and I enjoy doing things alone. I think that relationships are good for people who find true love, but not for me. I’m single at the moment but open to seeing how things go at least. I feel happier and I’ve actually got plenty of free time outside work. Thanks for helping me re-adjust my sails!
Just came across this simple and yet powerful message. There is no shame in being single. I am absolutely happy being a single person. I have a loving family, some great friends and I enjoy my alone time. Often I go out to eat alone and to watch movies alone. Actually, I am much happier not being in a relationship.
Being single I too realized the stigma attached to it, as if there is something wrong with you and in order for you to feel complete, you must first have a significant other.
However, I agree that that happiness should come from you and you shouldn’t have to change to meet other people’s expectations for fear of being a social outcast.
I feel the right one’s out there somewhere but the scary thing is that if he’s even there at all…