Whores, tarts, hags, strumpets and mistresses are all names from the Victorian era, given to female aberrations. This is not the bad girl who after a few beers on a Friday has wild sex with a stranger then swiftly back to routine by Monday morning. No, I am directing you to those who loiter at the outer reaches of society. The women who we love to hate; who are lost in a chasm; in no (wo)man’s land!
The fear is that once a woman has moved outside of society’s acceptable boundaries, she isn’t allowed back in. To the patriarchal world, these women and ‘sex’ are synonymous — but not in an acceptable way. Take the fear, when we were growing up, of being seen as a slut for sleeping with a guy too soon; the worry that he would judge us and think we weren’t worth the second phone call. If it got out about our promiscuity, socially, we might as well be dead.
At thirteen years old, I remember feeling suicidal from shame after one night of fornication in a fishing tent. The boy was fifteen, confident, and with his friend. They bantered whilst smoking cigarettes as my friend, Angela, and I tried to appear cool. The guy who she fancied suddenly started kissing me. I didn’t enjoy it but I didn’t have the guts to say no. His hands darted down there. I shoved him off and ran all the way home, leaving a scowling Angela behind. It was only a few days before the whispering began. I was suddenly branded Angela’s slutty ex-friend. And while I was tortured, the boy who caused me so much shame gloated, happily.
This level of degradation should never be accepted.
Throughout history, the bad girl has been portrayed as a depraved outsider. No matter what people say in public about how they think porn isn’t a big deal, I bet I’m right when I say that they likely find those exact porn stars just too much too bear. They are, after all, conformation of absolute misogyny. Sex on camera per se is not problematic, but the dominant (violently misogynistic) form of porn is. Any movement, no matter how purportedly ‘liberating’, that portrays men as dominant is hardly radical.
If we look around, we can see how society has arranged itself around men’s wants. The sex industry fulfills the whore narrative and lets the wives and girlfriends remain chaste. Although these ‘chaste’ wives and girlfriends are now being encouraged to act like the whore — or risk him having love affairs with porn under the banner of male entitlement.
Take Charlie Sheen’s porn star ex, Bree Olson, and her recent confessions via YouTube. In the video, which went viral, Olson bemoans ‘society’ and its lack of acceptance of her past work, and in particular her troubles when trying to forge a mainstream career. Bree is quick to add that there’s nothing wrong with porn. She’s just frustrated by how people will treat her for the rest of her life.
The porn star is ripe for public revulsion. Their sexuality is imprisoned by men, labelled forever as both desirous and disgusting. Many women, like Bree, entered the industry thinking that they were embracing their sexuality, but it merely emerged as a trick that’s restricted her options forever. Although this is sad for her, and other women in this situation, the truth is that what they represent is deeply oppressive.
Ask any female porn star and they swear they’re empowered every-time, with mentions of $20k monthly paychecks, but that’s the only thing they do get. Money comes and goes but their degradation is crystallised. This should never be accepted.
As young women, we quickly learn that our value is in our sexual offerings, and our search for validation is set up to align with this. The industry works in synergy with these preconceptions, with promises of adoration and money for the starlet. Little do they know that this bonus was collateral damage for future ostracizing. At the grand age of 29, Bree has had to return to sex-cam work, with the hope of crossing over into ‘the movies’ one day. Due to her big profile, this is all but impossible, despite having amassed six years worth of filmed footage. She sums up her experience: ‘The words (on the internet) are something I didn’t expect to affect me in my everyday life. When I go out, I feel as if I’m wearing ‘slut’ across my forehead.’
The saturation of porn has laid ground for multitudes of instances where people are living in regret — as more are entering the sex industry than ever before. When Bree Olson bewails society, she should really turn her rage to the industry that normalized her downfall.
I believe slut shaming is wrong. The biggest reason is because I believe it leads to rape justification. Slut-shaming is bad for two reasons: it fosters a terrible double standard and it attaches shame to a basic human activity. In my personal opinion, dressing immodestly is not asking to be raped. No girl deserves that kind of treatment — especially not a 13 year old girl.
Slut shaming goes way beyond name calling. It’s a social attitude that comes in many forms, but it’s important to, well, not give a shit what they think. Move on with your life and they will move on with their miserable life.
Slut-shaming is bad. I hate that she has had to go through so much discrimination, but I commend her for how amazingly she’s handled it. “Slut” is a horribly obnoxious word that I hope gets re-framed in a positive light. Trafficking of women and girls for the purpose of commercial sexual exploitation is a pervasive form of violence against women. Every women has the same rights as every man with respect to express her sexuality in other ways.
It is grossly unfair that a huge majority of men view porn, of the abusive and violent type, but it is the object of their lust who should be silenced and shamed.
Thank you, Vikki, for helping me understand how the shaming of filmed prostitutes works to keep male behavior permissable and their continued access to women’s bodies at their will.
Exited survivors deserve their lives back.
Okay, I’d like to admit that I have this belief that every woman in porn was put there against own free will. Being a woman, I’m honestly frightened to imagine that a woman would actually want other people watch her have sex…
Well, I don’t think so… I’ve read this Huffington Post interview with “Stoya,” a 28-year-old porn star and author and I quote: I was a personal assistant for a guerrilla marketer in Philadelphia at the time. And in my free time I would go and people would pay me to take pictures of me.”
Things organically evolved from her decision to do erotic photoshoots. Yes, she found dark sides of the industry, but she still chose to work in it.
I’m not a pessimist and I hate to admit it, but society will never be fair! Will we achieve fairness?! I don’t know.
It’s a fact that porn is a booming industry, grossing billions of dollars a year. According to research, 70% of men admit watching porn on a regular basis (and almost a third of women watch porn every week). The sad truth is, women in porn are viewed with contempt and labeled as “sluts” BUT men in porn are viewed as champions or heroes.
I know right!!! FAIRNESS is hard and almost impossible to achieve!!! And I think, in the porn industry it will always be SLUT vs. HEROES!!!
I don’t know but it’s really hard to think that there will be positive changes… *sigh*
I was part of the porn industry. It was torture for seven years. I was miserable, I was lonely, I eventually turned to drugs and alcohol and attempted suicide. I knew I wanted out, but I didn’t know how to get out.
Luckily, I met someone who inspired me to get out. And yes, I successfully got out!
I’d have to agree with you, Vikki that women who works in porn are blinded by temporary empowerment and money, disregarding the fact that this “career” will forever degrade them…
I personally know some women who worked and left the porn industry. From my conversations with them, I can conclude that these women are numb to real life and are like “zombies” walking around. They shared some abuse they experienced and I found them completely ridiculous. Sadly, they are treated in a “brainwashing” way.
Society in general thinks that porn is a harmless entertainment and view porn stars as “goddesses” — as they are marketed to be. You have written such an inspiring article, Vikki!
However, regardless of countless personal accounts explaining and exposing the dark reality of porn industry, many still believe the “fantasy” that porn industry is working hard to maintain.
“Porn hurts nobody” (this I often hear from porn consumers) but in fact, it always have violence, drugs, abuse, and disease.
You’re right that if a female porn-star is asked, she’ll respond that she’s empowered, only to realize later on that she doesn’t have money but forever degraded…
“Once a woman has moved outside of society’s acceptable boundaries, she isn’t allowed back in.”
True! It seems that women has no right to experiment and learn from experience.
I feel terrible that at an early age of 13, you had that “horrible” story. Thanks for sharing! Honestly, if I were on your shoes, I’ll never have the guts to write about it. I admire your courage!