Whores, tarts, hags, strumpets and mistresses are all names from the Victorian era, given to female aberrations. This is not the bad girl who after a few beers on a Friday has wild sex with a stranger then swiftly back to routine by Monday morning. No, I am directing you to those who loiter at the outer reaches of society. The women who we love to hate; who are lost in a chasm; in no (wo)man’s land!
The fear is that once a woman has moved outside of society’s acceptable boundaries, she isn’t allowed back in. To the patriarchal world, these women and ‘sex’ are synonymous — but not in an acceptable way. Take the fear, when we were growing up, of being seen as a slut for sleeping with a guy too soon; the worry that he would judge us and think we weren’t worth the second phone call. If it got out about our promiscuity, socially, we might as well be dead.
At thirteen years old, I remember feeling suicidal from shame after one night of fornication in a fishing tent. The boy was fifteen, confident, and with his friend. They bantered whilst smoking cigarettes as my friend, Angela, and I tried to appear cool. The guy who she fancied suddenly started kissing me. I didn’t enjoy it but I didn’t have the guts to say no. His hands darted down there. I shoved him off and ran all the way home, leaving a scowling Angela behind. It was only a few days before the whispering began. I was suddenly branded Angela’s slutty ex-friend. And while I was tortured, the boy who caused me so much shame gloated, happily.
This level of degradation should never be accepted.
Throughout history, the bad girl has been portrayed as a depraved outsider. No matter what people say in public about how they think porn isn’t a big deal, I bet I’m right when I say that they likely find those exact porn stars just too much too bear. They are, after all, conformation of absolute misogyny. Sex on camera per se is not problematic, but the dominant (violently misogynistic) form of porn is. Any movement, no matter how purportedly ‘liberating’, that portrays men as dominant is hardly radical.
If we look around, we can see how society has arranged itself around men’s wants. The sex industry fulfills the whore narrative and lets the wives and girlfriends remain chaste. Although these ‘chaste’ wives and girlfriends are now being encouraged to act like the whore — or risk him having love affairs with porn under the banner of male entitlement.
Take Charlie Sheen’s porn star ex, Bree Olson, and her recent confessions via YouTube. In the video, which went viral, Olson bemoans ‘society’ and its lack of acceptance of her past work, and in particular her troubles when trying to forge a mainstream career. Bree is quick to add that there’s nothing wrong with porn. She’s just frustrated by how people will treat her for the rest of her life.
The porn star is ripe for public revulsion. Their sexuality is imprisoned by men, labelled forever as both desirous and disgusting. Many women, like Bree, entered the industry thinking that they were embracing their sexuality, but it merely emerged as a trick that’s restricted her options forever. Although this is sad for her, and other women in this situation, the truth is that what they represent is deeply oppressive.
Ask any female porn star and they swear they’re empowered every-time, with mentions of $20k monthly paychecks, but that’s the only thing they do get. Money comes and goes but their degradation is crystallised. This should never be accepted.
As young women, we quickly learn that our value is in our sexual offerings, and our search for validation is set up to align with this. The industry works in synergy with these preconceptions, with promises of adoration and money for the starlet. Little do they know that this bonus was collateral damage for future ostracizing. At the grand age of 29, Bree has had to return to sex-cam work, with the hope of crossing over into ‘the movies’ one day. Due to her big profile, this is all but impossible, despite having amassed six years worth of filmed footage. She sums up her experience: ‘The words (on the internet) are something I didn’t expect to affect me in my everyday life. When I go out, I feel as if I’m wearing ‘slut’ across my forehead.’
The saturation of porn has laid ground for multitudes of instances where people are living in regret — as more are entering the sex industry than ever before. When Bree Olson bewails society, she should really turn her rage to the industry that normalized her downfall.
Pornstars get shamed for carrying out the most natural human function in public yet soldiers, bankers, and lawyers are regarded as heroes and accomplished individuals for breaking some of the most simple rules, lying/stealing/killing. People who think less of someone because they’ve done porn are people I have no interest in knowing.
Hello, Vikki. Big fan of your articles and Tweets. I admire you for standing up for what you believe, and you have my complete support. I recently saw a documentary called “After Porn Ends”. Just wondering, if you’ve seen it. If you haven’t you definitely should. It was very heartbreaking.
The porn performers I have met are not ashamed of what they do. Not everyone finds sex shameful.
Many people in the world sometimes get criticism from others for the things they do. Porn performers, gays, lesbians, asexual people, people in interracial relationships, people who are non-monogamous, you name it–anyone who does anything unusual in their sexual or romantic lives will sometimes be criticized. Human beings are often narrow-minded, judgmental bigots. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t live your life the way you want to–it just means you shouldn’t hang out with bigots.
You have made some very strong points here, and I do agree with most of them. I’ve seen a lot of girls shaming other girls in a lot of ways. Can we please stop calling others a slut, whore or bitch. The rule in our house is that we don’t ever call a girl or woman a slut, because it’s a code word for a double standard that punishes girls and rewards boys for the exact same behavior. Degrading a society means degrading women and degrading women means degrading a society.
No matter where you are in the world, women are constantly being objectified. Even though here, in America, women are supposedly to be seen as “equal” to their male counterparts, it is nowhere near true. In other countries that are less developed, the situation is even worse. What qualifies as the perfect woman? Why does this scene force people to think of a 5’10 model weighing in to be less than 110 pounds with perfect skin and hair? Why is she always ready to conquer the world, yet not allowed to perform masculine duties as simple as changing a tire or understanding sports? Why is it acceptable for women to wear men’s clothes, yet seen as blasphemy when a man chooses to dress as a women? Why are women constantly looked down upon, when they are just as powerful and capable as men?
Today’s society is one of the major culprits in this situation.
You have made some very strong points here, and I do agree with most of them. We live in a world were guys do have power no matter how much we try to stop them, because not all women in the world are aware like we are. Unfortunately men misuse this, a whole lot.
Thank you for bringing this up Vikki. This “slut shaming” issue really bothers me, and I have some things to say about it…
First off, slut shaming only belittles and insults people for things that aren’t even anybody’s business. It isn’t our place to critique, insult and/or abuse a woman based on her clothing, appearance, sexual interactions, or sexual interactions she’s RUMORED of or really having. Slut shaming is, in of its self, just a category of insults directed towards women. There is nothing positive about it. All it does is cause pain. Need I remind you of Amanda Todd? Phoebe Prince? Felicia Garcia? Sarah Lynn Butler? They killed themselves BECA– USE THEY WERE SLUT SHAMED RELENTLESSLY. It saddens me that the majority of people in our day say it’s a good thing.
Slut Shaming KILLS!!!!
No matter where we are in the world, women are constantly being objectified. 🙁
It’s none of anybody’s business! Who a woman sleeps with is none of others’ business. How many people a woman sleeps with is none of the society’s business. Whether her sexual activities with someone was for love or simply for pleasure is none of anybody’s business. Nobody has the right in calling a woman a slut or shaming her for her decisions. Her sex life does not affect anybody in any way. Not to mention slut shaming could lead to suicide, depression, it could cause woman and young girls to have low self esteem, and could ruin her life.
Slut shaming is pointless. It is so because as one or many others may have stated it doesn’t stop anything from happening it only hurts peoples feelings in doing so. Sex is a natural thing. Animals do it. humans do it. It is a part of existence. Just because one likes to have sex they should not be put down into a category which suggests they are not worth as much as someone who doesn’t or who values sex differently. Slut shaming seems to just be a revolting excuse to make someone feel bad about themselves and it is. Why is it that guys are pretty much praised for such but when a woman does so she is degraded. In my opinion slut shaming is just another way to make someone feel less of an equal. We were born to frig and have babies. Sleeping around doesn’t promote std’s not using protection promotes std’s. And sleeping around doesn’t break up families. It is the act of breaking a commitment that does so.