The last time I went out with a friend, we spent most of the night commiserating about our love lives (or, rather, the lack thereof), and the rest complaining about our mutual friend who’d all but gone MIA after meeting her latest “might be the one” boyfriend. We’d tried going to a party, but found that we’d rather spend it sitting together than socializing with other people.
The search for love is everywhere. In our books, movies, TV shows, and in the way we talk to each other. It’s clear that romance is on our collective minds. Many of us prioritize finding love over pretty much every other aspect of our lives. Everyone searching for their soulmate wants to find that special someone so they can skip ahead to their ‘Happily Ever After’.
But why do we limit that to romance? Love, trust, great memories—they don’t have to be restricted to the sphere of romantic relationships. In this culture-split between hookups and finding love, we’ve forgotten about our friends. And yet close friendships are absolutely integral to our happiness. As we search for our soulmate, we should also be on the lookout for our friend soulmates.
The ones who can make you laugh at anything and talk you out of crying. The ones who make a supportive comment right when you expect them to take the mickey out of you. The ones who solve your life crises. The ones who know you, who have seen all your flaws and love you for them. I know it sounds nauseatingly cheesy, but are they not your soulmates too?
I met my closest friends in high school and college, and to say they’ve made my life blessed is the understatement of the year. Somewhere between the sleepovers, the excess mango-passion-fruit smoothies, and our unending enthusiasm for the same movies and books, they became my best friends and I love them more than anyone.
We’ve become so distracted by the complications of romance love that we’ve forgotten about the beauty of platonic love.
But the value of friendships is often undermined. We’ve become so distracted by our focus on romance that we’ve forgotten about the beauty of platonic love. We say things like “we’re just friends,” as though friendship was somehow a lesser form of relating to another human being. The last time I broke up with a boyfriend, the first comforting phrase I got was, “At least you have your friends.” But there’s nothing at least about my friends. They are the most beautiful parts of my life.
My close friends and I fulfill each other in ways that I’m learning to acknowledge and appreciate. I now tell my friends that I love them, and I let them know just how much I appreciate them. We bring out the best in each other and enrich each other’s lives. That’s why focusing on your friendships is just as important as finding romance.
Take the time to talk your friends through hard times, revel in your inside jokes and shared passions, support their dreams, and keep in touch despite any distance. If you do, you’ll be rewarded with the kind of soulmate that transcends romance. It’s not the fairytale ending romantic comedies taught us to aspire to. In many ways, it’s better.
Of course, finding love is valuable and worthwhile. But don’t ever let your friends fall by the wayside because of romance. They’re just as important as your significant other. And, if you treat them right, you just might find that you have a true partner for life.
I would say then that romantic love is bigger than friendship, because I’m such a romantic! Life is pretty boring without friends, but it is detrimental to your sanity to not have any because emotionally, we need to love.
My stand is that it’s good if you and your boyfriend have joint friends that you and him socialize with, but it’s definitely important that you (and him) maintain own set of friends.
I love your article! You just noted that “balance” in life is important!
I completely agree! Love in unconditional acceptance of another, and that is something that can be given to anyone. You simply accept the person as they are. It’s the same thing wherever you go and whoever is the object of love. Even better than romance. 🙂
Love is love. Its one big thing all around us, surrounding us in our everyday lives. We all love, and we all love each other differently depending on the different people we mean to love. It’s still all one big category, Love. Its all around us and the only thing that separates the defintion of love is how we mean to use it and how we feel about different people in our lives.
Some people conceive of that dynamic as a primarily psychoemotional one, others an inherently applied psychosocial one, and innumerable positions in between or in combination, but the point is that it is a paradigm for interacting, in whatever context. “Friendship”, on the other hand, is a specific subgrouping of relationships whose traits are not limited to dynamics. Just as much speculation and debate abounds regarding the terminological uses of “friendship” and “friend”, and most speak in part to the dynamics involved.
It is interesting that in English, we have one word, love where the ancient Greeks had many, such as agape, eros, and philos, to name only the more common examples. Our language permits us to have friends we do not love and lovers we do not consider friends, and that is again, only one way of many in which we set these words in distinguishing apposition to each other. Furthermore, we also have such words as allies and lust which describe situations that have nothing really to do with either love or friendship, and yet inform our understanding of both. For me the most useful definition of love I have ever heard is “delight in the well being of another.” I do not pretend this to be a perfect definition, but I do find myself using this definition more than any other definition or characterization. By this definition, I love many, including many I have never met.
I can’t imagine how terrible it is if friends are exchanged or forgotten over boyfriend. Many romantic relationships don’t last and if you break up, you would want friends to console and be with you. So yeah, it’s important to keep relationship with friends alive!
I agree, you don’t need a boyfriend to feel complete but it does add an layer of happiness when you have someone to hold at night and share special moments with. 🙂
Relationships may or may not involve love, love may or may not involve a relationship. While there are many different opinions or experiences about what defines “love”, or how many “types” of love there might be, it is fundamentally regarded as a dynamic.
Though both love and friendship will still remain to be confusing terms for generations to come, both are much cherished emotions and relationships that cause a delight in a person’s life when present.