Let’s face it, ladies. After the sexy honeymoon phase and the initial butterflies, the dynamics in a relationship are bound to change with time. The longer you remain in a relationship, the more likely you are to hit a point where he (or she) takes you for granted.
No need to freak out just yet though. This isn’t reason enough to assume that he doesn’t love you anymore. Rather, his behavior may simply indicate that he views you as a staple in his life, someone he knows he can count on. Your job, however, is to remind him that even if you are, it doesn’t excuse him from putting in effort to make you feel valued.
To prevent the relationship from further cementing itself into a monotonous routine, give these first-hand tips a try:
1) Change it up
Do you feel like he (or she) isn’t putting any effort into the relationship? His (probably subconscious) reasoning for why he acts the way he does can most likely be attributed to the fact that your routine with him has already been set. For example, you may meet on the same evenings or days each week, get take-out from the same restaurant and watch the same shows on Hulu. While that may feel comfortable, it would be a surprise to find anyone who wouldn’t get bored with the regularity of never-changing plans.
Try suggesting new places to eat, spend an evening outdoors, go to a concert, or get a group of friends together. Aim to do something new or different once every week or week and a half. Make a pact to surprise each other at least once a month with secret and romantic date night plans.
2) Communicate
Generally, as a rule of thumb, it’s encouraged to give men space, at least in the early dating stages, and allow them to do most of the planning and pursuing. Allow him take the initiative and go at his own pace. If you’re always leading or planning things, this might set the pattern for the rest of the relationship/courtship and eventually leave you feeling taken for granted.
Though it’s important to let him know how you feel, make it a point to remind him how relationships require effort from both parties, not just one. It’s not acceptable for him to think or act like he can just show up and not take the time to invest, care, or plan.
Be careful of the way you approach this conversation — if he (or she) feels like he is being attacked, it is likely that he’ll get defensive about how he’s been acting, rather than open-minded.
3) Get your own life
Similar to changing your routine, constantly being available to your man can indirectly tell him that you’ll always be there at his beck-and-call. This doesn’t mean that you should never see him or that he needs to plummet on your list of priorities, but giving each other the space to do your own thing will also give you both the chance to miss each other and value the time you spend together.
Has it been awhile since you met with your girlfriends? When was the last time you were able to pamper yourself with some TLC?
The healthiest relationships I know are the ones that value how time is spent, both apart and together. Being in a relationship or being married doesn’t mean that you both fuse into one person or that you lose yourself in the other. You are meant to share your lives together, not be dictated by it.
But despite all these suggestions, which are good for any relationship, if a guy is taking you for granted, maybe it’s simply time to move on and find someone who won’t…
Well. He definitely don’t see anyone’s value but himself. He rude to everyone only the one who has money /investor his company. He only nice to me five minutes when I thread to leave. He can’t change. He don’t think he is narcissist . Only respect I can get is leaving.
Most men are the most ungrateful, selfish, cold, vulgar, desperate and disrespectful week people.
i can really relate to this. A few weeks back I was overly nice to someone higher up, and had thought things went well, but they left without a care and looked down on me =left me feeling horrible as if I turned them off from being too nice and overbearing. Why do.i still seek their approval and think about how I could present myself better next time I see them ?
Thank you for this. I’ve been thinking about this lately, and you really helped to clarify things.
I’m sure it matters for the person who had to work on him/herself, but it shouldn’t matter for others. But on the other hand: we can’t force anyone to value us. so if someone doesn’t give us the value we expect, it’s always up to us how to handle the situation. We don’t have to convince anybody.
It’s about giving things or people the right value, but it shouldn’t matter, if a person had to work on becoming who they are or they were just born the way they are.
Thank you so much for this message. I have been dealing with the fact that I was in a long term relationship with a narcissist and I have been reading online about it but ESPECIALLY this one has helped.
Thank you l felt like a 2 dollars bill in his hands lm crying but is a cleansing and clear way to forget start my journey without feeling that zero value from him how he could forget about us so easily?? I will never get an answer
I always walk away from your articles educated, knowing a little more about people than I did before. Thank you.
Like and admiring is not valuing or appreciation… on top of that keeping somebody around who has the task to say who or what is important…..