Let’s face it, ladies. After the sexy honeymoon phase and the initial butterflies, the dynamics in a relationship are bound to change with time. The longer you remain in a relationship, the more likely you are to hit a point where he (or she) takes you for granted.
No need to freak out just yet though. This isn’t reason enough to assume that he doesn’t love you anymore. Rather, his behavior may simply indicate that he views you as a staple in his life, someone he knows he can count on. Your job, however, is to remind him that even if you are, it doesn’t excuse him from putting in effort to make you feel valued.
To prevent the relationship from further cementing itself into a monotonous routine, give these first-hand tips a try:
1) Change it up
Do you feel like he (or she) isn’t putting any effort into the relationship? His (probably subconscious) reasoning for why he acts the way he does can most likely be attributed to the fact that your routine with him has already been set. For example, you may meet on the same evenings or days each week, get take-out from the same restaurant and watch the same shows on Hulu. While that may feel comfortable, it would be a surprise to find anyone who wouldn’t get bored with the regularity of never-changing plans.
Try suggesting new places to eat, spend an evening outdoors, go to a concert, or get a group of friends together. Aim to do something new or different once every week or week and a half. Make a pact to surprise each other at least once a month with secret and romantic date night plans.
2) Communicate
Generally, as a rule of thumb, it’s encouraged to give men space, at least in the early dating stages, and allow them to do most of the planning and pursuing. Allow him take the initiative and go at his own pace. If you’re always leading or planning things, this might set the pattern for the rest of the relationship/courtship and eventually leave you feeling taken for granted.
Though it’s important to let him know how you feel, make it a point to remind him how relationships require effort from both parties, not just one. It’s not acceptable for him to think or act like he can just show up and not take the time to invest, care, or plan.
Be careful of the way you approach this conversation — if he (or she) feels like he is being attacked, it is likely that he’ll get defensive about how he’s been acting, rather than open-minded.
3) Get your own life
Similar to changing your routine, constantly being available to your man can indirectly tell him that you’ll always be there at his beck-and-call. This doesn’t mean that you should never see him or that he needs to plummet on your list of priorities, but giving each other the space to do your own thing will also give you both the chance to miss each other and value the time you spend together.
Has it been awhile since you met with your girlfriends? When was the last time you were able to pamper yourself with some TLC?
The healthiest relationships I know are the ones that value how time is spent, both apart and together. Being in a relationship or being married doesn’t mean that you both fuse into one person or that you lose yourself in the other. You are meant to share your lives together, not be dictated by it.
But despite all these suggestions, which are good for any relationship, if a guy is taking you for granted, maybe it’s simply time to move on and find someone who won’t…
Thanks for that, Sarah, it’s pretty relevant to me, and very encouraging. Thank you. ???
I admire you, Sarah. You radiate an energy through your words that can steer someone’s thoughts and ways of looking at their life. Love you.
Your content is amazing!! Makes me self reflect and see what a fool I’ve been. Love you for your fabulous articles!
You certainly understand relationship nuances. Very clever and interesting perspectives. Thank you!
Thank you!!! You have given me the courage to finally stand up for myself and find and love the great woman that I am. I lost myself for way too long. ⚘
i’ve let him go, it was too hard and tired, fighting all alone to fix this relationship…now i feel so much better, i just hope that i’ll meet someone who will appreciate me :(
I took him back multiple times. This went on for several years. I finally saw the light and said goodbye 2 yrs ago. He still tries to call me but I am not falling for it. I have grown and realized my worth.
ouch… but its exactly what my heart needed to hear. i love myself more than the abuse. NO MORE
This is so on POINT in my relationship. I need to stop being lazy, afraid and comfortable. I deserve and worth more.
That was me but I’ve worked on myself and never again. I deluded myself into thinking I was a good person for doing this when truly I was devaluing myself. It doesn’t help them either. Thanks for the lesson. I’ve wasted a lot of time but my time left will be quality whether alone or in partnership.