Let’s face it, ladies. After the sexy honeymoon phase and the initial butterflies, the dynamics in a relationship are bound to change with time. The longer you remain in a relationship, the more likely you are to hit a point where he (or she) takes you for granted.
No need to freak out just yet though. This isn’t reason enough to assume that he doesn’t love you anymore. Rather, his behavior may simply indicate that he views you as a staple in his life, someone he knows he can count on. Your job, however, is to remind him that even if you are, it doesn’t excuse him from putting in effort to make you feel valued.
To prevent the relationship from further cementing itself into a monotonous routine, give these first-hand tips a try:
1) Change it up
Do you feel like he (or she) isn’t putting any effort into the relationship? His (probably subconscious) reasoning for why he acts the way he does can most likely be attributed to the fact that your routine with him has already been set. For example, you may meet on the same evenings or days each week, get take-out from the same restaurant and watch the same shows on Hulu. While that may feel comfortable, it would be a surprise to find anyone who wouldn’t get bored with the regularity of never-changing plans.
Try suggesting new places to eat, spend an evening outdoors, go to a concert, or get a group of friends together. Aim to do something new or different once every week or week and a half. Make a pact to surprise each other at least once a month with secret and romantic date night plans.
2) Communicate
Generally, as a rule of thumb, it’s encouraged to give men space, at least in the early dating stages, and allow them to do most of the planning and pursuing. Allow him take the initiative and go at his own pace. If you’re always leading or planning things, this might set the pattern for the rest of the relationship/courtship and eventually leave you feeling taken for granted.
Though it’s important to let him know how you feel, make it a point to remind him how relationships require effort from both parties, not just one. It’s not acceptable for him to think or act like he can just show up and not take the time to invest, care, or plan.
Be careful of the way you approach this conversation — if he (or she) feels like he is being attacked, it is likely that he’ll get defensive about how he’s been acting, rather than open-minded.
3) Get your own life
Similar to changing your routine, constantly being available to your man can indirectly tell him that you’ll always be there at his beck-and-call. This doesn’t mean that you should never see him or that he needs to plummet on your list of priorities, but giving each other the space to do your own thing will also give you both the chance to miss each other and value the time you spend together.
Has it been awhile since you met with your girlfriends? When was the last time you were able to pamper yourself with some TLC?
The healthiest relationships I know are the ones that value how time is spent, both apart and together. Being in a relationship or being married doesn’t mean that you both fuse into one person or that you lose yourself in the other. You are meant to share your lives together, not be dictated by it.
But despite all these suggestions, which are good for any relationship, if a guy is taking you for granted, maybe it’s simply time to move on and find someone who won’t…
Omg this is literally my situation! One month, I asked to hang with him, he ignored my text for a day now, I double text prior, and he said he wanted to hang yesterday but didnt respond. Backing allllllll the way back.
I didnt even realize I was acting doormatty! Reading this has been amazing! Thank you again for everything, Sarah!
Thank you so much for this! I was almost in tears and felt major emotional release after doing this. God bless you!
Oh my God! Thank you so much! This was the exact kind of help I was looking for. I really feel relieved now 🙂
It really warms my heart to see people like you still exist. Im going through something similar, and i cant tell you how powerful this was. Thank you! :’)
I tried it and it did not work but I gave it a shot. I start moving forward eventually. I’ve ignored my man almost 2 weeks maybe he will get the message if I’m not texting him or calling him. I have been focusing on me. I will address this once he texts or calls me. His job is more important than me.
Addressing it works. sometimes not. They just say you’re tripping. I’m not happy. i think it’s time to move on.
Any relationship is an experience in negotiation. In the case you mention here, it may be time to leave.
I love love love your wisdom and your awesome voice of truth and power. I have a pinterest folder for love advice and I am packing my file with your words!!
I went thru this. I was everything but the official of title a wife. I was all in but my ex wasn’t on the same page.