Let’s face it, ladies. After the sexy honeymoon phase and the initial butterflies, the dynamics in a relationship are bound to change with time. The longer you remain in a relationship, the more likely you are to hit a point where he (or she) takes you for granted.
No need to freak out just yet though. This isn’t reason enough to assume that he doesn’t love you anymore. Rather, his behavior may simply indicate that he views you as a staple in his life, someone he knows he can count on. Your job, however, is to remind him that even if you are, it doesn’t excuse him from putting in effort to make you feel valued.
To prevent the relationship from further cementing itself into a monotonous routine, give these first-hand tips a try:
1) Change it up
Do you feel like he (or she) isn’t putting any effort into the relationship? His (probably subconscious) reasoning for why he acts the way he does can most likely be attributed to the fact that your routine with him has already been set. For example, you may meet on the same evenings or days each week, get take-out from the same restaurant and watch the same shows on Hulu. While that may feel comfortable, it would be a surprise to find anyone who wouldn’t get bored with the regularity of never-changing plans.
Try suggesting new places to eat, spend an evening outdoors, go to a concert, or get a group of friends together. Aim to do something new or different once every week or week and a half. Make a pact to surprise each other at least once a month with secret and romantic date night plans.
2) Communicate
Generally, as a rule of thumb, it’s encouraged to give men space, at least in the early dating stages, and allow them to do most of the planning and pursuing. Allow him take the initiative and go at his own pace. If you’re always leading or planning things, this might set the pattern for the rest of the relationship/courtship and eventually leave you feeling taken for granted.
Though it’s important to let him know how you feel, make it a point to remind him how relationships require effort from both parties, not just one. It’s not acceptable for him to think or act like he can just show up and not take the time to invest, care, or plan.
Be careful of the way you approach this conversation — if he (or she) feels like he is being attacked, it is likely that he’ll get defensive about how he’s been acting, rather than open-minded.
3) Get your own life
Similar to changing your routine, constantly being available to your man can indirectly tell him that you’ll always be there at his beck-and-call. This doesn’t mean that you should never see him or that he needs to plummet on your list of priorities, but giving each other the space to do your own thing will also give you both the chance to miss each other and value the time you spend together.
Has it been awhile since you met with your girlfriends? When was the last time you were able to pamper yourself with some TLC?
The healthiest relationships I know are the ones that value how time is spent, both apart and together. Being in a relationship or being married doesn’t mean that you both fuse into one person or that you lose yourself in the other. You are meant to share your lives together, not be dictated by it.
But despite all these suggestions, which are good for any relationship, if a guy is taking you for granted, maybe it’s simply time to move on and find someone who won’t…
NOW THIS. 100 % My sentiments. I am sitting here crying into pieces. You’ve said everything I felt about myself, but made to feel bad about. I can recall several years ago, when I someone told me “I was all SUBSTANCE, but no Flash and Glam” and that that reason I was often overlooked. I was shocked, and did not understand, what that meant or the depth of what was spoken. Thank you Sarah, for the validation, confirmation, acute awareness, higher Ascension and so much more. YOU ARE GOD SENT.
Wonderful message! Thank you for sharing. This really put a whole lot of things into perspective. Instead of pulling him up to my level (kicking and screaming), it’d be better to simply find someone who is already on my level (and build from there, because I am worth all that I have put into myself). I really needed this message. Thank you!
I agree. I also believe that if you understand your own value, it doesnt matter if someone else doesnt value you or not. They may not appreciate you like they should, but if you stand up and respect yourself, others will at least respect you, at the very least. Again, GREAT WISDOM! unfortunately, everyone isnt on the same level. life lessons teaches those. Thank you again. ??
You are so smart and you have so much insight are you a professional? Thank you for your articles. It helps me a lot.
I get now why its so important to link up with like minds. Also you always feel like something is missing if you surround yourself with those who are not like minded and on your level. Thanks.
This explains how he could take everything we had meticulously built through hard work, heartache, sacrifice, discipline and humanity ~ and smashed it JUST LIKE AN ANTHILL UNDER HIS FOOT and keep walking :(
well you can’t control how others see you… in doing so, that would also make you a narcissist. learn not to tolerate bullshit instead of trying to stand out or earn validation.
on point with this one! it hurts being taken for granted by them over & over again…
Wow love how you explain this now I even understand my value and why I’m different been through the fire but now I know I’m a person of value and I need to surround myself with people that feels the same?
I got taken for granted because I’m dependable reliable and practical and resist judgement of people
Ironic no. You get taken FORGRANTED for those qualities. Forgranted is the understatement of the century!!