Let’s face it, ladies. After the sexy honeymoon phase and the initial butterflies, the dynamics in a relationship are bound to change with time. The longer you remain in a relationship, the more likely you are to hit a point where he (or she) takes you for granted.
No need to freak out just yet though. This isn’t reason enough to assume that he doesn’t love you anymore. Rather, his behavior may simply indicate that he views you as a staple in his life, someone he knows he can count on. Your job, however, is to remind him that even if you are, it doesn’t excuse him from putting in effort to make you feel valued.
To prevent the relationship from further cementing itself into a monotonous routine, give these first-hand tips a try:
1) Change it up
Do you feel like he (or she) isn’t putting any effort into the relationship? His (probably subconscious) reasoning for why he acts the way he does can most likely be attributed to the fact that your routine with him has already been set. For example, you may meet on the same evenings or days each week, get take-out from the same restaurant and watch the same shows on Hulu. While that may feel comfortable, it would be a surprise to find anyone who wouldn’t get bored with the regularity of never-changing plans.
Try suggesting new places to eat, spend an evening outdoors, go to a concert, or get a group of friends together. Aim to do something new or different once every week or week and a half. Make a pact to surprise each other at least once a month with secret and romantic date night plans.
2) Communicate
Generally, as a rule of thumb, it’s encouraged to give men space, at least in the early dating stages, and allow them to do most of the planning and pursuing. Allow him take the initiative and go at his own pace. If you’re always leading or planning things, this might set the pattern for the rest of the relationship/courtship and eventually leave you feeling taken for granted.
Though it’s important to let him know how you feel, make it a point to remind him how relationships require effort from both parties, not just one. It’s not acceptable for him to think or act like he can just show up and not take the time to invest, care, or plan.
Be careful of the way you approach this conversation — if he (or she) feels like he is being attacked, it is likely that he’ll get defensive about how he’s been acting, rather than open-minded.
3) Get your own life
Similar to changing your routine, constantly being available to your man can indirectly tell him that you’ll always be there at his beck-and-call. This doesn’t mean that you should never see him or that he needs to plummet on your list of priorities, but giving each other the space to do your own thing will also give you both the chance to miss each other and value the time you spend together.
Has it been awhile since you met with your girlfriends? When was the last time you were able to pamper yourself with some TLC?
The healthiest relationships I know are the ones that value how time is spent, both apart and together. Being in a relationship or being married doesn’t mean that you both fuse into one person or that you lose yourself in the other. You are meant to share your lives together, not be dictated by it.
But despite all these suggestions, which are good for any relationship, if a guy is taking you for granted, maybe it’s simply time to move on and find someone who won’t…
Your words help me so much. I’m just getting out and he is still love bombing me after the cheating and lying and denial. He has been caught and still denied it. He did not value me. We are all objects to them. He thinks he is so loving and wonderful too. Doesn’t see the pain he causes others. Very hard.Without your perspective, I may have gone crazy. Thank you!!
Thank you! The narc I had never say thank you, please, sorry… if he says that it’s not genuine. Been there,done that shit, and never again EVER
Amen that is so true, my exes never said thank u or appreciated what i did they only pretended to appreciate things…
They don’t consciously perceive the value but instinctively their pathological envy drives them to corrupt, undermine and attempt to destroy your virtues.
They cannot say ‘Thank you’ or ‘Please’. They don’t appreciate you or what you do for them. That is one telltale sign of narcissism. Looking back I realized 2 narcs in my life who never said ‘thank you’ when it was appropriate. You could drive (6 hrs) out of country to pick up their purchases for them or spend years (10+) babysitting their kids for free and not one simple ‘thank you.’
So true. Great analogy. This is why you can’t mess with everybody. It’s not always being stuck up, but people will hurt you out of egotistical ignorance.
Just from experience… narcissists just don’t care, period. They have no soul. They don’t feel guilt, remorse or shame for their evil ways. They have programmed themselves that it’s everyone else’s fault. The only person they care about is themselves. So if their ego can temporarily benefit from you, then they’ll take whatever they can and drain the life out of you, and then it’s on to the next.
I’ve learnt this lesson… I realised that I had to value myself and set the bar for how I want to be treated… I will not settle for anything less than my core values. Thank you for your advice! ?
I am really looking forward to your new articles, Sarah. You’re changing my life… I’m literally seeing the positive change.
Ugh.. Tears started running from my eyes half way through this article and don’t know why…
Thank you for making this article to make us aware of how people try to manipulate us. Unfortunately, understanding the mechanism doesn’t disable it. I learned that the hard way, losing a guy I loved because he was giving intermittent reinforcement, and I was giving it constantly. I was the one who lost her shit, and it hurt.