Life is short, and as cliché as it may sound, the reality is that you only have one life to live — make the most out of it. I think about this on a regular basis, and it’s a big part of the reason that I moved from NYC to France. Because I knew that in order to seize the day and be as happy as possible, it’s important to constantly reevaluate all aspects of life: where to live, work, who to be friends with, etc.
While many people live their life to the fullest, some don’t and regret it later – as told by those dying, who had many regrets according to a book “The Top Regrets of the Dying,” by Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent most of her time in palliative (end of life) care and recorded the top five regrets of her terminal patients. Her list is as follows:
# 1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
According to Bronnie, this was the most common regret she heard from those who passed away. She writes: “When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.”
You’re the one who makes your life. Don’t let anyone else dictate what you should do since it’s your future. Honor your dreams. If you want to be an artist but your parents want you to be a doctor, follow what your heart because in the end, your happiness is what matters the most.
# 2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
The fact is we have to work. With the unstable economy nowadays, many work more than two jobs to support themselves and their families. Bronnie said that this regret was common among male patients she handled, but women also suffer this regret. They regret working so hard because they missed the growing stage of their children or their partner’s companionship because they were busy being breadwinners. Learn to balance by dividing time for work and time for family and friends. The key here is time management and essentially, work-life balance.
# 3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
We tend to keep comments to ourselves to avoid conflict. Bronnie wrote: “As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many ended up developing illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried.”
We can’t control others or their opinions, but there’s nothing more important than being yourself. Be honest; for nothing is more important than expressing yourself. Remember: many will appreciate it.
# 4. I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends.
No man is an island. Many have forgotten friends who once mattered to them. It’s important to stay in touch with those people who stuck by you. Cherish them because they simply love you.
# 5. I wish I’d let myself be happier.
Bronnie said that this was one of the common quotes she heard. “Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again,” she wrote.
Happiness is indeed a choice. If you want to be happy be happy. If you want to wallow in misery, then so be it. If you don’t believe me, watch the movie Life is Beautiful.
While we often have struggles and trials, it’s either you choose to face it with a glass half-full mentality or the other way around. There’s nothing wrong in making others happy, but it’s also important that you be happy yourself.
In the end, it’s all about making choices. Live your life to the fullest. Be wise, honest and happy while you can. And never stop trying to improve yourself.
Oh, and on a bit of a morbid note, don’t forget to make a will! In ours, we assigned Mercy for Animals as our sole benefactor, since we don’t have kids. It’s never too soon to make a will, because, well, you just never know…
Love the people around you. Not showing them enough of that will always be a regret that’s irreversible. It takes a lot of time for someone to actually feel that the love is genuine.
Don’t consider things that you enjoyed once, regrets. Other people say something like they regret loving someone, or forgiving that someone. But at that certain point in your life, it wasn’t exactly something that you regret.
It was a little late when I realized that my life should have been led by my own passion. It was only until my 8-year-old daughter told me that she was happy to get good grades because it made me happy as well. I was like her when I was younger. My life had consisted of hoarding achievements and good grades because I wanted to please my parents. As I got older, I realized I was wrong. I have begun living my life that is controlled by the happiness of other people to the point that I could never be pleased with myself. Everything was not enough for me. I’m still trying to tell my daughter that her life should be led by things that she knows her heart desires, not by my approvals or personal joys.
At some point in our childhood, I bet most of us wanted to be doctors. All because they cured almost anything that hurt when we were kids. No one actually told us about how expensive med school was, nor how our parents didn’t even have money for college. Sometimes as much as we want to follow our dreams, reality kicks in and we’re left with mediocre dreams that our bank accounts could allow.
“Never stop trying to improve yourself.” while living a happy life.
#1 is the main problem of the younger generation. As adults or parents, we fear that our own discontent is something that our children can fix. There are times that we end up passing on to them our fears and frustrations. Let’s not forget that our children are different from us, that they probably see the world differently than ours and they can build their ladders to success differently. Let’s not manipulate the future for them.
There was a time when I asked my grandfather that is now 85, about his regrets. He was a chain-smoker, until his 70’s. He decided to “try” to stop because of health reasons. Occasionally he would still crave the taste of nicotine in his lungs, but in his 80’s that’s when the habit truly stopped because his lungs no longer function the same way it did before. Now, he’s constantly using an oxygen tank and could hardly move around without catching his breath. He now has about 6 grandchildren. His regret was mainly how he let himself be a slave to cigarettes, to the point that it was the addiction itself that triggered numerous of health conditions. As much as he wanted to spend more time with his grandchildren and watch them grow, that’s no longer possible.
I have always wanted to be an artist ever since I was a child. But the constant nagging of my mother that there’s really no successful career with being an artist made me want to divert my attention to other skills. I was told that I can’t just sell paintings and drawings and be rich in the future. I guess being a Graphic Artist or an Animator wasn’t a thing during their time. I’m now earning more than they can imagine and all I had to do was follow my heart.
That’s a very inspirational story. Being an artist or a creative person nowadays isn’t all about pencils and papers anymore. It’s a whole new thing with the digital era.
Yes, “Honor your dreams.”
I agree that in order to be happy, you have to re-evaluate everything around you. Happiness is a holistic thing. It can’t just be about work. It can’t be just about people. It can’t just be about one aspect of your life. However, just because one aspect of your life isn’t considered happy, it doesn’t mean that you can’t look at it in a positive light. Maybe other than re-evaluation, you just have to simply enjoy life in general by choosing your battles.