Life is short, and as cliché as it may sound, the reality is that you only have one life to live — make the most out of it. I think about this on a regular basis, and it’s a big part of the reason that I moved from NYC to France. Because I knew that in order to seize the day and be as happy as possible, it’s important to constantly reevaluate all aspects of life: where to live, work, who to be friends with, etc.
While many people live their life to the fullest, some don’t and regret it later – as told by those dying, who had many regrets according to a book “The Top Regrets of the Dying,” by Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent most of her time in palliative (end of life) care and recorded the top five regrets of her terminal patients. Her list is as follows:
# 1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
According to Bronnie, this was the most common regret she heard from those who passed away. She writes: “When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.”
You’re the one who makes your life. Don’t let anyone else dictate what you should do since it’s your future. Honor your dreams. If you want to be an artist but your parents want you to be a doctor, follow what your heart because in the end, your happiness is what matters the most.
# 2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
The fact is we have to work. With the unstable economy nowadays, many work more than two jobs to support themselves and their families. Bronnie said that this regret was common among male patients she handled, but women also suffer this regret. They regret working so hard because they missed the growing stage of their children or their partner’s companionship because they were busy being breadwinners. Learn to balance by dividing time for work and time for family and friends. The key here is time management and essentially, work-life balance.
# 3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
We tend to keep comments to ourselves to avoid conflict. Bronnie wrote: “As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many ended up developing illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried.”
We can’t control others or their opinions, but there’s nothing more important than being yourself. Be honest; for nothing is more important than expressing yourself. Remember: many will appreciate it.
# 4. I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends.
No man is an island. Many have forgotten friends who once mattered to them. It’s important to stay in touch with those people who stuck by you. Cherish them because they simply love you.
# 5. I wish I’d let myself be happier.
Bronnie said that this was one of the common quotes she heard. “Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again,” she wrote.
Happiness is indeed a choice. If you want to be happy be happy. If you want to wallow in misery, then so be it. If you don’t believe me, watch the movie Life is Beautiful.
While we often have struggles and trials, it’s either you choose to face it with a glass half-full mentality or the other way around. There’s nothing wrong in making others happy, but it’s also important that you be happy yourself.
In the end, it’s all about making choices. Live your life to the fullest. Be wise, honest and happy while you can. And never stop trying to improve yourself.
Oh, and on a bit of a morbid note, don’t forget to make a will! In ours, we assigned Mercy for Animals as our sole benefactor, since we don’t have kids. It’s never too soon to make a will, because, well, you just never know…
So true! If you try to reach your dreams you have hope of reaching them. If you don’t try there is no hope. Just the feeling of hopefulness is worth it. And even if you end up in a different place then you thought you will always know you gave it a shot.
Since I was a child, I wanted to create comics. In high school I discovered webcomics and realized it would be a really good way to get started. I also learned about artists selling their work at conventions and really wanted to become part of the con scene; selling art and traveling the country during the summer has become a goal of mine. It would be amazing to live off of solely my artwork. In 2014, I began posting my comic online. Two years (and a 9 month hiatus while i finished college) later and I have about 70 pages and nearly three chapters completed/posted to my website! Give me another year or two and I might be able to run my first kickstarter to get a published volume!
What worked for me was to replace the word “dreams” with “goals”. Another thing that helped was to stop listening to motivational gurus, who make a living from people’s insecurities and literally nothing else, and start listening to the people who actually work in the industry I want to be a part of. Once you realize that even your biggest heroes are flesh and blood flawed human beings with all the self-doubt, fear and baggage that you have, it helps to ground your pursuit and set clear, attainable goals.
I very much wanted to stop living paycheck to paycheck, so I ended up getting a few promotions at a job I hated and now I never really worry about running out of money for food and bills, but I still pretty much hate my life.
Cancer came from nowhere and completely changed me, my body, my entire life. What was left after the battle is almost an unrecognizable me compared to the before. There was a good bit where I didn’t think it was going to go well. In the end I survived dancing with stg4 cancer (you never say ‘I beat it’ though, the best you can do is endure). So, um yeah. I could care less about seeing/having/doing. If my family is good then I’m good.
Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to write a book. 15 chapters in, 45,000 words. I’m halfway there! 🙂
Way to go! I’ve wanted to write a book since I was a kid too. It’s crazy, I started and stopped attempting so many times over the years. But last month something clicked and I finally finished my first book. It’s 100,000 words and 50 chapters. Totally didn’t know I had it in me to write that much. You’re doing great, you’ll totally get there!
I don’t dream much myself. I’ve done a lot and am doing the things that challenge me and bring me misery er I mean joy. When I lie down at night I don’t think of things I am not doing, but instead think of better ways to do the things I am doing now which is mainly sim flying and golf…
My “dreams” aren’t really these huge things to many people but to me they are significant. Very long, sad childhood story short, I grew up very poor, was abused, neglected and watched my parents go into a downward spiral of self pity that lead to them losing everything. My dream was to get above where I came from. I wanted to be educated, I wanted a house with heat in the winter, I wanted food in my fridge, and I wanted someone to share a healthy life with. Now, I want to see the world. I want to retire young and not work my life away like my parents are. They’ll never retire. I want to truly enjoy what little time I have and make the most of it. Those are my dreams, to see the most of the world that I can and to be happy. I have already achieved my first set of dreams. Now I want to travel and retire early, so I save, be frugal and prioritize my life.
I have always wanted to travel the world – South East Asia in particular.
Unfortunately I’ve always had a relatively good job or other commitments which have held me back from going. I recently left my last job and have savings behind me so it seems like the perfect opportunity to go now. The only problem is that my girlfriend really doesn’t want me to. She can’t come either for a number of reasons (money, financial commitments, picky eater etc). I have decided that I don’t want to miss out on this opportunity and live the rest of my life wishing that I had gone. So I booked my flights a few days ago and will be travelling for 3 months early next year.
And, if she isn’t supportive of your dreams, that’s pretty telling. It might be a one-off, and you two have awesome communication; or it could be part of a pattern, See what happens when you return.
Congratulations. These decisions are difficult and scary right up front…but once you’re there..it changes everything. You won’t come back the same, and some people might not understand who you become…but that won’t matter. You’ll be even greater for it. Have fun!!
Dreams change. I wanted to join the airforce when I was in high school, but then I got my gf pregnant. I decided I wouldn’t be a good father/partner if I was serving in the military so I bucked up and took a trade. After several years I had a business opportunity, started my own business, and am fairly successful. I’m able to provide a good life for my three kids and wife (same girl from high school). My dream now is to raise my kids to be happy, successful in whatever they decide to pursue, and be non-shitty human beings. If I can do that, I think I can die with no regrets.
You are the true American man. Hard working and dedicated to his family. You sound like a great person!