Life is short, and as cliché as it may sound, the reality is that you only have one life to live — make the most out of it. I think about this on a regular basis, and it’s a big part of the reason that I moved from NYC to France. Because I knew that in order to seize the day and be as happy as possible, it’s important to constantly reevaluate all aspects of life: where to live, work, who to be friends with, etc.
While many people live their life to the fullest, some don’t and regret it later – as told by those dying, who had many regrets according to a book “The Top Regrets of the Dying,” by Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent most of her time in palliative (end of life) care and recorded the top five regrets of her terminal patients. Her list is as follows:
# 1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
According to Bronnie, this was the most common regret she heard from those who passed away. She writes: “When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.”
You’re the one who makes your life. Don’t let anyone else dictate what you should do since it’s your future. Honor your dreams. If you want to be an artist but your parents want you to be a doctor, follow what your heart because in the end, your happiness is what matters the most.
# 2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
The fact is we have to work. With the unstable economy nowadays, many work more than two jobs to support themselves and their families. Bronnie said that this regret was common among male patients she handled, but women also suffer this regret. They regret working so hard because they missed the growing stage of their children or their partner’s companionship because they were busy being breadwinners. Learn to balance by dividing time for work and time for family and friends. The key here is time management and essentially, work-life balance.
# 3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
We tend to keep comments to ourselves to avoid conflict. Bronnie wrote: “As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many ended up developing illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried.”
We can’t control others or their opinions, but there’s nothing more important than being yourself. Be honest; for nothing is more important than expressing yourself. Remember: many will appreciate it.
# 4. I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends.
No man is an island. Many have forgotten friends who once mattered to them. It’s important to stay in touch with those people who stuck by you. Cherish them because they simply love you.
# 5. I wish I’d let myself be happier.
Bronnie said that this was one of the common quotes she heard. “Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again,” she wrote.
Happiness is indeed a choice. If you want to be happy be happy. If you want to wallow in misery, then so be it. If you don’t believe me, watch the movie Life is Beautiful.
While we often have struggles and trials, it’s either you choose to face it with a glass half-full mentality or the other way around. There’s nothing wrong in making others happy, but it’s also important that you be happy yourself.
In the end, it’s all about making choices. Live your life to the fullest. Be wise, honest and happy while you can. And never stop trying to improve yourself.
Oh, and on a bit of a morbid note, don’t forget to make a will! In ours, we assigned Mercy for Animals as our sole benefactor, since we don’t have kids. It’s never too soon to make a will, because, well, you just never know…
“Look, I’ve never had a dream in my life because a dream is what you wanna do but still haven’t pursued. I knew what I wanted and did it til it was done so I’ve been the dream I wanted to be since day one!” Aesop Rock I’ve lived my life this way since the first time I heard the lyric.
When I was 5 or 6 I watched a documentary on Dick Preonekke, who built a cabin in Alaska and lived a subsistence lifestyle among beautiful scenery. Ever since the outdoors have been my thing. I’m 26 and have Aspergers so I’m not really a people person, I love animals and woodworking and crave a simpler lifestyle, so I deeply envy the life he had to live. In the last year my husband and i have arranged to volunteer to work on a remote homestead north of Homer, Alaska. We plan to buy our own land in the near future, build a few cabins, rent them out and guide hikes and hunts. We live in FL now and move to AK in 20 days…. I’m very excited.
Such a great read!!! Makes me want to explore my true potential. 🙂
I finally wrote a novel. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do and I just decided last month screw it, I’m doing it. It’s not good, it’s a very rough first draft, but I did it. I’ve written loads of shorter things over the years and I write for a living, but I always had a fear that if I ever wrote a book, it would be terrible. For some reason, something clicked about a month ago, and I did it. It feels really good to accomplish such a long-time goal, even if nothing comes of it.
Amazing article! I can 100% relate to the topic. I realized I didn’t want to write academic papers in a career field that would most likely leave me embittered and poor anyway and now I’m in a new, bigger city pursuing animation. I have no friends and no job yet but I’m infinitely happier with the knowledge that if I’m not making much money or if I fail to accomplish my dreams (which is to work at a company like Nickelodeon/Cartoon Network), that I had the courage to leave my hometown, leave my comfort zone, and try to be the coolest thing I could imagine.
I don’t have dreams only a single aspiration – to get back what I have lost. What motivates me to pursue it is the alternative, the mundane reality that I am forced to inhabit. If I do nothing, nothing changes. That is my motivation, the fear of nothing. I have nothing to fear by having nothing to fear.
Going to try my best to say this honestly. I was born privileged. Lived in a big house, lots of presents at christmas, summer jobs weren’t out of necessity, college paid for. I followed ‘my dreams’ because my parents told me I could be whatever I wanted to be. First I was into graffiti and drawing… then music and finally settled in filmmaking. Hell of a dream to have. I smoked my way through college, doing the bare minimum. I won best filmmaker my senior year which gave me a faulty sense of accomplishment as I stepped out of university and into the real world. 4 years, and a slurry of odd jobs later, I am 27 in LA with a job producing music videos. It sounds ok at first, but the pay is crap and music videos are depraved from a production standpoint. Real artistry is almost non existent… it’s just an imitation game…
If you have the financial freedom to ditch what you are doing and strike out again, that is a blessing. Seriously, please don’t burn yourself out in a miserable job because you think it is quitting if you act to protect yourself and your mental and emotional resources. It is simply recognizing the reality. Be grateful that you have the option and get the eff out of there.
My dream is to be a stylish badass singer who writes weird, wild music, connects with people through it, and doesn’t need anyone’s approval. Whenever I start a project, be it writing music, learning an instrument or a sport, travelling somewhere, writing a book or a blog, making a video game (all things I’ve attempted or done to certain extents), I end up asking myself “in the future, will I be ok with having not done this?” My answer to almost all of them is “eh probably”…except for singing. The more I sifted through all my various dreams, I realized that’s the main one. It’s also the one that scares me the most. For years, I wasn’t ever able to sing in front of people, and even alone I was usually too afraid of being heard to do it. So, realizing that this is the one thing I really wouldn’t be ok with not having done, I decided to suck it up and do it. The last few weeks, I’ve been taking lessons and singing (very badly) in front of friends and family. I’m currently awful at it and I’m just accepting that. It’s ok to suck, and if one wants to be good, it’s necessary to suck for a while first, and it’s really helping me to let go of needing the approval of others.
haven’t actually gotten past the fear of pursuing part yet, but i’m trying to get to the olympics in 2020 for karate. been doing it most of my life, but i haven’t been in the dojo for a couple years and it’s pretty intimidating
I won’t have any regrets if I die, leaving behind a legacy. My brother passed away about 13 years ago, way before his time and left behind some life insurance money. His goal was that his neices and nephews would go to college. We were lucky to just graduate H.S. and college didn’t seem to be in the cards for us. My brother died soon after my daughter was born. My portion was $10,000, which I invested in a 529 plan. I added gift money to the account and any additional money here and there and that original 10 Grand is now $28,000. That is my brother’s legacy. My daughter will always know where the money came from and what college means. My daughter never knew him,, however, the memory of my amazing brother will stay alive for a very long time. I am making sure of that. Whatever I accomplish in my life, I want to leave behind a legacy. I want to be remembered.