Life is short, and as cliché as it may sound, the reality is that you only have one life to live — make the most out of it. I think about this on a regular basis, and it’s a big part of the reason that I moved from NYC to France. Because I knew that in order to seize the day and be as happy as possible, it’s important to constantly reevaluate all aspects of life: where to live, work, who to be friends with, etc.
While many people live their life to the fullest, some don’t and regret it later – as told by those dying, who had many regrets according to a book “The Top Regrets of the Dying,” by Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent most of her time in palliative (end of life) care and recorded the top five regrets of her terminal patients. Her list is as follows:
# 1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
According to Bronnie, this was the most common regret she heard from those who passed away. She writes: “When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.”
You’re the one who makes your life. Don’t let anyone else dictate what you should do since it’s your future. Honor your dreams. If you want to be an artist but your parents want you to be a doctor, follow what your heart because in the end, your happiness is what matters the most.
# 2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
The fact is we have to work. With the unstable economy nowadays, many work more than two jobs to support themselves and their families. Bronnie said that this regret was common among male patients she handled, but women also suffer this regret. They regret working so hard because they missed the growing stage of their children or their partner’s companionship because they were busy being breadwinners. Learn to balance by dividing time for work and time for family and friends. The key here is time management and essentially, work-life balance.
# 3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
We tend to keep comments to ourselves to avoid conflict. Bronnie wrote: “As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many ended up developing illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried.”
We can’t control others or their opinions, but there’s nothing more important than being yourself. Be honest; for nothing is more important than expressing yourself. Remember: many will appreciate it.
# 4. I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends.
No man is an island. Many have forgotten friends who once mattered to them. It’s important to stay in touch with those people who stuck by you. Cherish them because they simply love you.
# 5. I wish I’d let myself be happier.
Bronnie said that this was one of the common quotes she heard. “Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again,” she wrote.
Happiness is indeed a choice. If you want to be happy be happy. If you want to wallow in misery, then so be it. If you don’t believe me, watch the movie Life is Beautiful.
While we often have struggles and trials, it’s either you choose to face it with a glass half-full mentality or the other way around. There’s nothing wrong in making others happy, but it’s also important that you be happy yourself.
In the end, it’s all about making choices. Live your life to the fullest. Be wise, honest and happy while you can. And never stop trying to improve yourself.
Oh, and on a bit of a morbid note, don’t forget to make a will! In ours, we assigned Mercy for Animals as our sole benefactor, since we don’t have kids. It’s never too soon to make a will, because, well, you just never know…
Siiiiigh I want to be an actress but I’m scared it won’t support me financially and i don’t know if I have the right look :/
I was drowning once. All I could think of in my ‘last moments’ was panic about all of the things I hadn’t done yet. Escape wasn’t on my mind so much – the survival thoughts went into instinct mode – autopilot. I didn’t think actively about how to get outta the situation. My active thoughts were consumed by all of the things I hadn’t done. I presume when I do die for real, I’ll have the same thoughts.
Regrets, lol. A lot of rich and succesful people say they wish theyd spent less time working and more with their family. Ever since I was fourteen I’ve had the feeling I’m too late for life. Too late to start now, everyones ahead. No point trying to catch up, all that effort will be wasted when you fail. Now I’m thirty-five, I work in a shitty pub, spend all my free time smoking skunk and playing video games and I have no self-esteem whatsoever. At least I don’t care.
I think 35 is the perfect age to start thinking about making a few changes to benefit your life in the next 5 years.
Amazing topic today! Thanks for bringing this up. My dream is to be content with what I have in the moment and let go of imagined fantasies about the future.
Since i was like three i have wanted to be a paramedic. I had the grade requirements but decided against it until it was two late and i tried to switch back. I sucked it up and continued my first year of college (behavioural science). But know have applied for a one year pre-health sciences program to brush up on my chemistry and biology. Now i have decided to not give up on my dreams, i’m going to be happy and do what i love, and i don’t care how long it takes this will be my fate.
My dream has been and always will be raising my husband’s children to be a better version of myself, their mother and father. Raising someone else’s kid ain’t easy but someone has to do it.
I just wanted to move to another state. I hated my location, but various bullshit always seemed to keep me anchored there. It came to a point where I had to just take the risk and go. I lived off of credit cards for several months and have a lot of debt to work down now, but I’m so much happier. Life is what you make it. 🙂
I’m a photographer, and I’m in the middle of this. I’m working a job I hate and am trying to overcome my anxiety to get photography to become full-time, and self-sustaining. I’ve had some luck though – I’ve started volunteering at a growing photography related non-profit and the CEO has been very interested in helping me. We’re meeting next week to talk about me and come up with a plan. I’m terrified… But I’m excited too…
I always had a dream of writing a particular novel, which I did accomplish. It took me about ten years of obsessive work and devotion…and then nobody really read it. (Well, that’s not true. Maybe 1,000 people did, but it didn’t feel like enough for me, which I understand is an issue with me). Now, my point is not to say that dreams are bad, but they can put you in the future a lot. Just everyone make sure your day-to-day life is satisfying because achievement probably won’t fix that part, IMO. Anyhow, for what it’s worth, I regret putting that much time into the book, but if I didn’t do it, I’d have died regretting not doing it, so that’s a mental knot I’ve never been able to fully undo. I think the grass is always greener on the other side.
Unlike most people, I will wish I’d worked harder. I’ve worked hard most of my life and have been successful. I wish I’d set my goals higher and taken work more seriously sooner. I will consider accomplishments not achieved and opportunities missed. This isn’t good or bad to me. It just is.