Life is short, and as cliché as it may sound, the reality is that you only have one life to live — make the most out of it. I think about this on a regular basis, and it’s a big part of the reason that I moved from NYC to France. Because I knew that in order to seize the day and be as happy as possible, it’s important to constantly reevaluate all aspects of life: where to live, work, who to be friends with, etc.
While many people live their life to the fullest, some don’t and regret it later – as told by those dying, who had many regrets according to a book “The Top Regrets of the Dying,” by Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent most of her time in palliative (end of life) care and recorded the top five regrets of her terminal patients. Her list is as follows:
# 1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
According to Bronnie, this was the most common regret she heard from those who passed away. She writes: “When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.”
You’re the one who makes your life. Don’t let anyone else dictate what you should do since it’s your future. Honor your dreams. If you want to be an artist but your parents want you to be a doctor, follow what your heart because in the end, your happiness is what matters the most.
# 2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
The fact is we have to work. With the unstable economy nowadays, many work more than two jobs to support themselves and their families. Bronnie said that this regret was common among male patients she handled, but women also suffer this regret. They regret working so hard because they missed the growing stage of their children or their partner’s companionship because they were busy being breadwinners. Learn to balance by dividing time for work and time for family and friends. The key here is time management and essentially, work-life balance.
# 3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
We tend to keep comments to ourselves to avoid conflict. Bronnie wrote: “As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many ended up developing illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried.”
We can’t control others or their opinions, but there’s nothing more important than being yourself. Be honest; for nothing is more important than expressing yourself. Remember: many will appreciate it.
# 4. I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends.
No man is an island. Many have forgotten friends who once mattered to them. It’s important to stay in touch with those people who stuck by you. Cherish them because they simply love you.
# 5. I wish I’d let myself be happier.
Bronnie said that this was one of the common quotes she heard. “Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again,” she wrote.
Happiness is indeed a choice. If you want to be happy be happy. If you want to wallow in misery, then so be it. If you don’t believe me, watch the movie Life is Beautiful.
While we often have struggles and trials, it’s either you choose to face it with a glass half-full mentality or the other way around. There’s nothing wrong in making others happy, but it’s also important that you be happy yourself.
In the end, it’s all about making choices. Live your life to the fullest. Be wise, honest and happy while you can. And never stop trying to improve yourself.
Oh, and on a bit of a morbid note, don’t forget to make a will! In ours, we assigned Mercy for Animals as our sole benefactor, since we don’t have kids. It’s never too soon to make a will, because, well, you just never know…
I finally am pursuing being an artist and had my first art show where I painted all 12 western zodiac signs. It took a horrible breakup, quitting a job where I was harassed and had racist remarks said to me, and my aunts death, for me to finally do it. I even was hospitalized 3 days before my show. I was discharged the day of my show and I was able to go and mingle with those who showed up. I’m very shy about my art… but I finally told myself I’m going to do what I’m afraid to do. I’m so happy I did.
I have spent time with dying people and this is absolutely true. The problem is that in order to peruse your dreams, you have to sacrifice something else you did. Whether it’s money they spent on something else, or time they spent doing something else. Why I have heard that was most profound was the time wasted doing things like watching tv instead of time with family, or time complaining about things instead of taking a walk.
I agree, it’s always a trade. There are only 24 hours in the day. Like you said focusing on what’s important is key.
I used to sing a little good, as a kid, once I stopped my “good” voice seemed to disappear and at this point in time I feel like being able to sing or do music is the only thing that can keep me level headed about life. Just not sure where or even how to start, beyond writing stuff/lines down I know nobody or not much about starting at all.
I have always wanted to live in another country with a completely different language and culture, but was always the slowest in any class at learning foreign languages. I didn’t have a problem with any other subject, but I could not get higher than a C and usually a D in any foreign language course, when I was an A or B student otherwise.This year I said screw it, it doesn’t matter if it takes me 10 years to be able to have a conversation, I’m learning it the hard way. Moved to China. It’s still slow going for me, but 4 months in, no classes just talking to people and memorizing flash cards, I’ve learned more than 8 years of studying the regular way.
My biggest dream is to make a solid video game, The biggest thing holding me back is my own laziness and me being worried people will just shit all over any game I do make…. plus, I’m too shy/nervous to ask anyone to help me… so I’d be making it all by myself.
Great content, Hilary! Life is too short to not try and do the things you wanna do.
Quit a decent paying job in NYC to travel the world back in 2014. I spent all my money and it was completely worth it. It was so worth it, I saved up some more and I’m going again early next year.
I want to get my pilots license. I took a few flying lessons when I was 12, and have done nothing other than look into it. I saw a class that cost $10k and when I brought it up to my husband he shot that down pretty quick. To be fair, if he brought up something that cost $10k I wouldn’t be so open to it either because that’s a lot of money we don’t have. It would take a lot time as well and I don’t have much of that either. Maybe later….
I don’t even know what my dreams are anymore. I guess my dream is to get over some issues to the point I can actually enjoy my life before it becomes a life half lived.
My dream was always to aspire to be the best I could. Push my limits so to speak and see what my character truly is. No matter how things turn out, I’ll always be proud of myself for facing the things that scare me the most, failure AND success. They both terrify me.