Life is short, and as cliché as it may sound, the reality is that you only have one life to live — make the most out of it. I think about this on a regular basis, and it’s a big part of the reason that I moved from NYC to France. Because I knew that in order to seize the day and be as happy as possible, it’s important to constantly reevaluate all aspects of life: where to live, work, who to be friends with, etc.
While many people live their life to the fullest, some don’t and regret it later – as told by those dying, who had many regrets according to a book “The Top Regrets of the Dying,” by Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent most of her time in palliative (end of life) care and recorded the top five regrets of her terminal patients. Her list is as follows:
# 1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
According to Bronnie, this was the most common regret she heard from those who passed away. She writes: “When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.”
You’re the one who makes your life. Don’t let anyone else dictate what you should do since it’s your future. Honor your dreams. If you want to be an artist but your parents want you to be a doctor, follow what your heart because in the end, your happiness is what matters the most.
# 2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
The fact is we have to work. With the unstable economy nowadays, many work more than two jobs to support themselves and their families. Bronnie said that this regret was common among male patients she handled, but women also suffer this regret. They regret working so hard because they missed the growing stage of their children or their partner’s companionship because they were busy being breadwinners. Learn to balance by dividing time for work and time for family and friends. The key here is time management and essentially, work-life balance.
# 3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
We tend to keep comments to ourselves to avoid conflict. Bronnie wrote: “As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many ended up developing illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried.”
We can’t control others or their opinions, but there’s nothing more important than being yourself. Be honest; for nothing is more important than expressing yourself. Remember: many will appreciate it.
# 4. I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends.
No man is an island. Many have forgotten friends who once mattered to them. It’s important to stay in touch with those people who stuck by you. Cherish them because they simply love you.
# 5. I wish I’d let myself be happier.
Bronnie said that this was one of the common quotes she heard. “Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again,” she wrote.
Happiness is indeed a choice. If you want to be happy be happy. If you want to wallow in misery, then so be it. If you don’t believe me, watch the movie Life is Beautiful.
While we often have struggles and trials, it’s either you choose to face it with a glass half-full mentality or the other way around. There’s nothing wrong in making others happy, but it’s also important that you be happy yourself.
In the end, it’s all about making choices. Live your life to the fullest. Be wise, honest and happy while you can. And never stop trying to improve yourself.
Oh, and on a bit of a morbid note, don’t forget to make a will! In ours, we assigned Mercy for Animals as our sole benefactor, since we don’t have kids. It’s never too soon to make a will, because, well, you just never know…
I feel like I’m in the middle of this situation right now. Thanks all for the motivation, it’s hard to keep up that sometimes.
As long as I spend a lot of time with my kids, friends and family, I’m good. I just want to be happy and right now I am. I couldn’t ask for a better life, as mine is perfect. Ups and downs in a balanced manner, so I can value the ups, and remember the bad days go away eventually.
Yesterday I was evaluating 2016. I created a list of ways my life changed, what I accomplished in the year, what I tried but didn’t accomplish. I then started to create a 2017 list of things that I want to do… and I got nothing. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t have a bucket list. Maybe I’m still upset that I couldn’t accomplish what I wanted to this year. I’m starting to feel like life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans. I plan for something and I try my best to achieve it. I do not achieve it. What was the point of trying?
Don’t be so harsh with yourself, you’re alive. We think that every year we must make big steps forward, conquer new life goals, make big achievements. There’s years, as there are days, as there are hours that we’re just passing time and that’s perfectly fine. You shouldn’t be “successful” every time all the time. There are years when nothing happens and that’s ok, because there will be years that you won’t even be able to breathe, so relax, life is good 😉
Really wanted to help my dad build orphanages in Sierra Leone and Cambodia raised enough money to be taken seriously worked hard in manual labour trained to be able to get away if I had to. My dad fell ill and the dream floated away I really missed out on the most rewarding experience ever. They are such amazing humans none them asked to be a part of that world. Humanity so beautiful yet so flawed strange creatures we are…
I think about this often and it’s the fear of failure. Afraid of starting something new like my own business.
I want to hike the Appalachian trail. Haven’t done it yet, but planning a trip.
Like many people, I have been afraid to pursue my dreams. I want to become a Nurse Practitioner. I did something about it finally. I talked to a therapist. She helped me with my anxiety. I saw a doctor, and I was prescribed medication. After a couple years, I feel better. I made a plan to save some money, and I talked with my husband about my desire to leave the military and pursue a career in a medical field. It will take several years since my first degree was political science so I’m basically starting over. I have student orientation at my local community college in two weeks, and I turn 30 in two days! Sometimes there’s not a big secret; sometimes you just need someone to help point you in the right direction, especially if you think you may have some behavioral health issues.
Great article, and you’re right but following your dreams is sometimes the worst advice that will leave you bankrupt.
Regrets: not loving more, resentments, allowing fear of rejection to steal so much of my life…
My father once told me that life will always be full of things you wish you would have done, or done better, and as long as you try in life don’t get hung up on those thoughts. Everyone has them, no one gets everything right, so choose to be proud of what you’ve been able to get right in this life.