I was talking to my best friend the other day, and she admitted something to me. That about a year ago, a guy she dated for a about a month gave her herpes. The shocking part was that he had an outbreak the first time they got naked and, when she asked about it, he said that it’s not a disease — that his penis had simply always had those marks on it. She trusted him and, consequently, two weeks later, she had her first outbreak of this incurable disease. When she confronted him, he denied it, but she could see on his face that he was lying. Whether his hormones took over, was too embarrassed to talk about it, or he simply wanted to feel ‘normal’, she’ll never know. At any rate, it was unfortunately too little too late, for her.
It’s not easy to accept having a STD. For those that suffer from them, it’s common to want to ignore the issue. In attempts to feel normal, some simply don’t get tested (too scary!) or knowingly continue to spread the infection or STD through unprotected sex.
Could it be, for that individual’s various personal reasons, the spread of STDs and STIs are not always accidental, but rather, deliberate?
This is not to say that those carrying infection or disease are deliberately trying to harm others. Although there have been cases of very conscious and deliberate STD spreading (apparently some feel that they’ll be more normal if others have the disease as well), this is not the norm in general.
Usually, in an effort to deal with such a serious and anxiety-ridden personal issue, continued unprotected sex is a semi-unconscious reaction. The infected person rationalizes the concern for the other person’s safety away, or simply forces one’s self not to think about it at all. As a result, there are 19 million new cases of STDs each year.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, every year, 1 out of 4 teenagers contract a sexually transmitted disease.
I mean, I get it. Coming to terms with having a STD like herpes or HIV would be so awful that I’d want to just ignore it too. It’s life changing, which is why denial of the condition easily accompanies this reality. Dishonesty runs rampant for those infected. I mean, who would want to risk their friends or colleagues finding out about their secret? Fear of rejection by family and friends is understandable.
They protect their secret because they don’t want to risk seeming unattractive, like they could be damaging to others, or because it has the possibility of making it hard to have a ‘normal’ relationship. The stigma presented by the general public is enough to encourage a carrier to hide this unfortunate truth.
People with STD’s are no different when it comes to wanting a normal life, sexual and otherwise. Most often, they do not have ill-will or a desire to deliberately spread the infection (although some misogynists have admitted to doing exactly that). Again, continued sexual intercourse without disclosure is often an emotional and unconscious reaction to a deep desire to maintain a normal life.
In attempts to feel normal, they continue to have unprotected sex and spread the disease.
Here are a few things you should know:
- Condoms protect against HIV, but not against many other STD’s like herpes and genital warts.
- If your partner has spots or sores — stay away!!
- A blood test can tell you if you have herpes.
- Herpes can be spread even without visible symptoms.
- Always use a condom.
- Look for signs of other diseases that a condom can’t protect against, like herpes.
- Ask your partner if they have a STD before you start making out (once you’re in the thick of it, they’re even less likely to be honest). But don’t trust a person just because they say they’re ‘clean’.
What it boils down to is picking partners who aren’t ‘players’ (the less sexual partners they’ve had, in theory, the lower the risk), and –I hate to say it– opting to masturbate instead of going home with that hot guy from the bar. The less partners you have, the lower your risk. Oh yeah; and do your next partner a favor — get tested!
I have a friend who has HIV and she’s sometimes ashamed of it. She’s my friend and I love her. How she acquired it was because she got raped by someone who has it. Anyway, I think it’s good to be sensitive about other people’s struggles. Not everyone who has acquired HIV or STD is at fault, especially in her case. Let’s help people like her to live a normal life by not discriminating them in society.?
People who have it can’t live a normal sex life. But in terms of overall life, they can. It’s just that sometimes, they choose not to!
About the story in the first paragraph: The problem is there, staring us all in the face. The girl saw the marks on his penis. That was already a warning for her that could have changed the outcome of everything. If she was fully educated on what herpes or any STD looks like, she would have known at first glance that the guy was lying and that she should turn back. But the moment he denied, she could easily trust him because she wasn’t educated about STD. Now, I think that the best way in order to prevent the spread of STD is to know all about it just like what the article said. How it looks, the symptoms, use proper protection, or to simply just avoid all the red flags.
Great point. Being prepared or aiming for prevention would usually entail knowing every little information there is about a case. If you don’t know anything about it, how can you protect yourself when you don’t even know what you’re protecting yourself against?
I’m a sexually active male and a single one at that. I make sure that I get tested and that’s not a lie. Not only that I want to be safe, even women nowadays aren’t honest about being infected with an STD. I just wanted to put it out there that not all men are incapable of being responsible about their actions or about their bodies. I’m pro-safety.
Not sure how I feel about this. I’m honestly worried because I’m such a magnet for damaged people and what if I didn’t know I was dating someone who has it? ?
This article used the word “lover” as the one who deliberately gives diseases. I don’t like how that sounds because lover means someone that you love, not someone whom you just met days ago or the night before. If love is involved, full disclosure is mostly present. And if you love someone, you won’t do something that would deliberately harm them, right? I don’t think anyone in the right mind would do this, especially to someone they love and care about. I believe that these sex partners are mostly strangers and someone they don’t know for too long. Let’s say a week or a month at most. ?
Look, we’re such cruel people. 4 out of 5 will admit that because we treat the LGBT community as the source of outbreaks like this even if it has to do with ***EVERYONE*** in society. It’s our responsibility to own up to our acts and illnesses. We keep blaming the government, implementation of sexed, irresponsibility of individuals, but have we looked into ourselves?? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror and asked yourself, “What am I doing to keep myself safe?”. You may also ask this, “What am I doing to help others keep safe?”. This is a great start for awareness.
It’s really sad because in 3rd world countries, that’s where STD is being deliberately spread. Why 3rd world? These countries cannot fully support proper sex-education and barely have budgets for programs like this.
Feeling normal is no longer relevant if you have an incurable disease. It’s not just those with STD. It’s also the same with people who have cancer, leukemia, or other diseases that aren’t people’s choices to acquire. What I’m trying to say is that it’s not just people with STD that are suffering. So maybe they should stop acting like it’s just them who’s suffering and can’t lead a normal life. It’s very selfish and an act of self-centeredness. People who do that should wake up from the truth that the world doesn’t revolve around them!
If you want to have responsible teens, don’t tell them not to have sex. Instead, teach them how to be safe and educate them about STDs that can’t be dodged by condoms. We’ve been there, nobody likes being told what not to do. It will make things worse and they’ll even do it behind your back.