The first time a close friend took me aside to share some serious criticism was in 11th grade. She saw me making a mistake and tried to help me fix it. At the time, I jumped to the defensive and ignored her comments. Only with the 20/20 vision of hindsight did I realize that she was right. Our closest friends know us better than anyone, meaning that they’re the best people to help us tackle our flaws.
Taking criticism is never easy. Hearing about our own flaws tends to bring up a defensive response that has ended many a friendship in the past. But getting criticism is also the only way we can work to improve. Next time a friend tries to give you constructive advice, do your best to get what you can out of it without getting hurt.
Differentiate Between Mean And Constructive Comments
Just because a friend tries to help you, doesn’t mean she’s right. If your friend is more insulting than constructive, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. But if she takes you aside and addresses the issue with kindness and respect, recognize that she’s doing her best to help you. Hear her out.
Avoid Defensiveness
If your friend shares constructive criticism with respect, avoid getting defensive. Responding to criticism with a defensive or belligerent attitude is a sure-fire way to start an argument. Your first reaction might be to defend yourself and deny her claims, but try not to vocalize these feelings right away. Instead, thank your friend for her concern and take some distance to think things through.
Do your best to get what you can out of their advice
Respect Their Opinion
Hearing criticism is hard, but so is approaching a friend with advice. Respect that your friend has your best intentions at heart and wants to help you. Instead of harboring resentful feelings, think about what you’d do if you reversed your roles. Letting a loved one make mistakes is easy–it’s much harder to intervene, but in the end it’s the right thing to do. Hard as it might be to hear, take the advice as a sign of love. It takes a lot of courage and affection to approach someone on a sensitive topic.
Evaluate With Honesty
Before broaching the topic again, think about what your friend had to say and evaluate her opinion. Be honest with yourself—is she right? If you have questions or want to talk things out more, go to your friend for help. Likewise, if you’re feeling hurt or blindsided, now is the time to talk through those emotions.
Set Goals
Once you’ve evaluated your friend’s advice, decide how you want to use it. Form some concrete goals based on the advice you’ve received to improve yourself. No one is perfect, and criticism is the only way we can see our own flaws and work on them. Use your friend’s honesty to make new goals for self-improvement.
Avoid getting defensive so you can understand their point of view
Those close to us see us at our worst, making them the best people to turn to in times of trouble. They’re also the best people to help us better ourselves. Sensitive topics are difficult for everyone involved, but we walk away stronger, ready to strive for new goals.
Some people can just be mean! I’ve proven not even those who are the closest to you could want what’s best for you.
It’s hard to not get offended by criticisms. Most of the time I get criticized for doing what’s right and that’s the part that I don’t understand. I selflessly do things for other people only to find out that people think I’m kissing ass or that I’m fake. It’s not always like that. Maybe I’m just a really nice person and that’s it. People can always just not accept the things I do for them without them even asking and it won’t even be an issue. Others have problems accepting the fact that other people can be nice without asking for anything in return.
Other people are just assholes. I mean, others are just so negative to the point that they think a good deed can’t be a good deed without any hidden motives.
If your friendship ended just because you told him/her about his/her flaws, then be glad that friendship is over! ?
There will always be criticisms for who we are and it’s a part of life. Learning how to handle it and accept it is hard but it’s not exactly a choice.
The problem about being ‘human’ is that it’s so hard to differentiate between insults and constructive criticism. We all get hurt by it and it’s so hard to determine which is acceptable and which isn’t. Other people even have the talents to disguise their criticisms in such a way that they’ll make you question yourself even if it’s all lies that they’ve made up in their heads. I was at that point before wherein my own opinion of myself seems to be the lie already, even though it’s the only truth.
#5 is really important. It’s easy to ask people for constructive criticism yet most of us don’t even know what to do with the information we’re given.?
I agree, I’ve always felt like my advice are useless no matter how well-thought it was.
I’m surrounded by people who can’t even accept criticisms, so I don’t think it’s right to even ask them to criticize me for the sake of knowing what I should correct.
Just suck it up. Don’t get affected by all the shit you hear and just suck it up. learn from it. adapt! overcome! Only the weak get affected by dumb words!
All negative criticisms are from jealous nobodies who want to do what you do that don’t have the guts to do it.
Be open to criticism because it’ll help you grow as a person into becoming a better one than before. These are good advices! Keep it up.