The first time a close friend took me aside to share some serious criticism was in 11th grade. She saw me making a mistake and tried to help me fix it. At the time, I jumped to the defensive and ignored her comments. Only with the 20/20 vision of hindsight did I realize that she was right. Our closest friends know us better than anyone, meaning that they’re the best people to help us tackle our flaws.
Taking criticism is never easy. Hearing about our own flaws tends to bring up a defensive response that has ended many a friendship in the past. But getting criticism is also the only way we can work to improve. Next time a friend tries to give you constructive advice, do your best to get what you can out of it without getting hurt.
Differentiate Between Mean And Constructive Comments
Just because a friend tries to help you, doesn’t mean she’s right. If your friend is more insulting than constructive, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. But if she takes you aside and addresses the issue with kindness and respect, recognize that she’s doing her best to help you. Hear her out.
Avoid Defensiveness
If your friend shares constructive criticism with respect, avoid getting defensive. Responding to criticism with a defensive or belligerent attitude is a sure-fire way to start an argument. Your first reaction might be to defend yourself and deny her claims, but try not to vocalize these feelings right away. Instead, thank your friend for her concern and take some distance to think things through.
Do your best to get what you can out of their advice
Respect Their Opinion
Hearing criticism is hard, but so is approaching a friend with advice. Respect that your friend has your best intentions at heart and wants to help you. Instead of harboring resentful feelings, think about what you’d do if you reversed your roles. Letting a loved one make mistakes is easy–it’s much harder to intervene, but in the end it’s the right thing to do. Hard as it might be to hear, take the advice as a sign of love. It takes a lot of courage and affection to approach someone on a sensitive topic.
Evaluate With Honesty
Before broaching the topic again, think about what your friend had to say and evaluate her opinion. Be honest with yourself—is she right? If you have questions or want to talk things out more, go to your friend for help. Likewise, if you’re feeling hurt or blindsided, now is the time to talk through those emotions.
Set Goals
Once you’ve evaluated your friend’s advice, decide how you want to use it. Form some concrete goals based on the advice you’ve received to improve yourself. No one is perfect, and criticism is the only way we can see our own flaws and work on them. Use your friend’s honesty to make new goals for self-improvement.
Avoid getting defensive so you can understand their point of view
Those close to us see us at our worst, making them the best people to turn to in times of trouble. They’re also the best people to help us better ourselves. Sensitive topics are difficult for everyone involved, but we walk away stronger, ready to strive for new goals.
Being defensive is the number 1 thing that people do once you attack their sense of self…. 8 out of 10 that I gave honest criticisms to, they reacted that way even if it was something that they literally asked for.? Come on, people.
Be careful of people whom you’re asking advice from. Sometimes when you’re ready to listen to criticisms, you end up realizing that you approached the wrong people. Sometimes, even those who are closest to you, even your relatives aren’t the best people to seek criticisms for self-improvement. It’s not true that those who are close to you are the best options just because they know you the best. Sometimes, those who are outside your box are the best people to approach because they have unbiased thoughts.
Nobody is perfect. It’s a fact and as humans, making mistakes is a part of life. It makes me wonder if we really have the right to point out people’s flaws when all of us have it?
Great advice. I suck at handling criticisms and I always feel attacked when someone does this to me. Thanks for the piece of advice. I’ll try to be better at handling things like this from now on.
We fail to think of #3 when they start to spill negative comments about us. Think about it like this: The person cares about you but they suck at being subtle about it so they just approach you with no warnings. ?
I know what you mean, there are really people who are like this and it honestly feels like a slap on the face. But in the end, they are the genuine people who really care about your well-being. It’s just that they do suck at being kind or subtle! ?
My friends usually come to me for advice but it sometimes gets so tiring. I pour my heart out and try my best to help them by giving them the possible problem and how I think it can be solved. They agree and I know that they’re sincere about it, but I haven’t really seen any friend of mine that actually followed my advice despite how they think it’s very accurate. People don’t really go to other people for advice just so they can follow it and change their decisions or perspective in life.
I don’t mind people telling me what’s wrong with me, but sometimes I end up being confused about it. Most of the time I’m being confronted because of efforts that they think I don’t do, yet when I think about it, I’ve done almost everything in my power to address it. I think we should also take note that in certain cases, it can’t always be constructive because other people have their own standards.
Hi! You’re right. Like effort, others may think it’s not enough for them because they have standards for it. I guess we should just accept the fact that there are people we can’t please.
This is hard. At the same time, I’m trying to figure out if a criticism is genuine and if it’s constructive or not. Well, life is never that easy.
I usually just talk to my friend about certain “criticisms” when it’s about a decision that can potentially ruin her life. I don’t want to be that person that always gets in the way or the one who always thinks she’s right. I love my friend but I also choose which opinions I’m supposed to voice out. People always have the choice to do what is right or to do something wrong. In my experience, if someone wants to do something or behave in a certain way, it’s a choice that they made. Most of the time, that’s also who they are. Nobody ever changes just because of an opinion of another person.
Hmm… Yes, it’s hard to intervene when a loved one is doing something that you know isn’t right. But sometimes, people have this notion that they have to let other people make mistakes just so they can learn from it.? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that idea.