The first time a close friend took me aside to share some serious criticism was in 11th grade. She saw me making a mistake and tried to help me fix it. At the time, I jumped to the defensive and ignored her comments. Only with the 20/20 vision of hindsight did I realize that she was right. Our closest friends know us better than anyone, meaning that they’re the best people to help us tackle our flaws.
Taking criticism is never easy. Hearing about our own flaws tends to bring up a defensive response that has ended many a friendship in the past. But getting criticism is also the only way we can work to improve. Next time a friend tries to give you constructive advice, do your best to get what you can out of it without getting hurt.
Differentiate Between Mean And Constructive Comments
Just because a friend tries to help you, doesn’t mean she’s right. If your friend is more insulting than constructive, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. But if she takes you aside and addresses the issue with kindness and respect, recognize that she’s doing her best to help you. Hear her out.
Avoid Defensiveness
If your friend shares constructive criticism with respect, avoid getting defensive. Responding to criticism with a defensive or belligerent attitude is a sure-fire way to start an argument. Your first reaction might be to defend yourself and deny her claims, but try not to vocalize these feelings right away. Instead, thank your friend for her concern and take some distance to think things through.
Do your best to get what you can out of their advice
Respect Their Opinion
Hearing criticism is hard, but so is approaching a friend with advice. Respect that your friend has your best intentions at heart and wants to help you. Instead of harboring resentful feelings, think about what you’d do if you reversed your roles. Letting a loved one make mistakes is easy–it’s much harder to intervene, but in the end it’s the right thing to do. Hard as it might be to hear, take the advice as a sign of love. It takes a lot of courage and affection to approach someone on a sensitive topic.
Evaluate With Honesty
Before broaching the topic again, think about what your friend had to say and evaluate her opinion. Be honest with yourself—is she right? If you have questions or want to talk things out more, go to your friend for help. Likewise, if you’re feeling hurt or blindsided, now is the time to talk through those emotions.
Set Goals
Once you’ve evaluated your friend’s advice, decide how you want to use it. Form some concrete goals based on the advice you’ve received to improve yourself. No one is perfect, and criticism is the only way we can see our own flaws and work on them. Use your friend’s honesty to make new goals for self-improvement.
Avoid getting defensive so you can understand their point of view
Those close to us see us at our worst, making them the best people to turn to in times of trouble. They’re also the best people to help us better ourselves. Sensitive topics are difficult for everyone involved, but we walk away stronger, ready to strive for new goals.
Great write up. I’ve been afraid of criticism ever since I wa a little kid. But after reading more about happiness, success, and more. I’ve come to terms of embrace criticism. I was one to always want to please everyone, but you simply can’t. Thank You for sharing! ?
Nobody likes being criticized but, unfortunately it is a fact of life.
If you’re getting the same feedback or criticism from different people, it’s about time that you re-evaluate yourself.
You can’t please everyone. Just shake it off. ?
Right! I don’t have to react to every criticism.
Just thank the person for the feedback!
One of the major things we do wrong is to take things personally and to mistake our behavior with who we are as a person. Just because someone criticizes something we’ve done, doesn’t mean that they are criticizing who we are or our individual self.
Through experiences, we gain wisdom . Since it is impossible to experience everything life has to offer, consider each person as a repository of unique experiences and lessons learned . With the right attitude, your own point of view might be changed for the better.
Consider the possibility that you might be wrong. You must accept the fact that there is always room for improvement and that you are not perfect. Only the perfect can disregard all the criticism. ?
Such an eye opener. I appreciate this. From now on I won’t be too hard on myself. Everyone makes mistakes and has things to learn. There’s nothing wrong with making mistakes, but making the same mistakes over and over because you refuse to listen to criticism and learn is just stupid. ?
Awesome! this is part of growing up!?
Don’t take it personally. Realize that it’s not a personal attack on who you are as a person. It’s simply feedback about how you have been behaving.