The first time a close friend took me aside to share some serious criticism was in 11th grade. She saw me making a mistake and tried to help me fix it. At the time, I jumped to the defensive and ignored her comments. Only with the 20/20 vision of hindsight did I realize that she was right. Our closest friends know us better than anyone, meaning that they’re the best people to help us tackle our flaws.
Taking criticism is never easy. Hearing about our own flaws tends to bring up a defensive response that has ended many a friendship in the past. But getting criticism is also the only way we can work to improve. Next time a friend tries to give you constructive advice, do your best to get what you can out of it without getting hurt.
Differentiate Between Mean And Constructive Comments
Just because a friend tries to help you, doesn’t mean she’s right. If your friend is more insulting than constructive, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. But if she takes you aside and addresses the issue with kindness and respect, recognize that she’s doing her best to help you. Hear her out.
Avoid Defensiveness
If your friend shares constructive criticism with respect, avoid getting defensive. Responding to criticism with a defensive or belligerent attitude is a sure-fire way to start an argument. Your first reaction might be to defend yourself and deny her claims, but try not to vocalize these feelings right away. Instead, thank your friend for her concern and take some distance to think things through.
Do your best to get what you can out of their advice
Respect Their Opinion
Hearing criticism is hard, but so is approaching a friend with advice. Respect that your friend has your best intentions at heart and wants to help you. Instead of harboring resentful feelings, think about what you’d do if you reversed your roles. Letting a loved one make mistakes is easy–it’s much harder to intervene, but in the end it’s the right thing to do. Hard as it might be to hear, take the advice as a sign of love. It takes a lot of courage and affection to approach someone on a sensitive topic.
Evaluate With Honesty
Before broaching the topic again, think about what your friend had to say and evaluate her opinion. Be honest with yourself—is she right? If you have questions or want to talk things out more, go to your friend for help. Likewise, if you’re feeling hurt or blindsided, now is the time to talk through those emotions.
Set Goals
Once you’ve evaluated your friend’s advice, decide how you want to use it. Form some concrete goals based on the advice you’ve received to improve yourself. No one is perfect, and criticism is the only way we can see our own flaws and work on them. Use your friend’s honesty to make new goals for self-improvement.
Avoid getting defensive so you can understand their point of view
Those close to us see us at our worst, making them the best people to turn to in times of trouble. They’re also the best people to help us better ourselves. Sensitive topics are difficult for everyone involved, but we walk away stronger, ready to strive for new goals.
Very good article! Just always remember that criticism will help provide you with new insights and perspectives that you might not have considered on your own. These new perspectives will give you valuable feedback that you might use to adjust your course or to change your mind about some of the decisions you’re making. ?
All constructive feedback are valuable because it gives you a chance to improve and learn. Positive feedback is easier and more fun but negative feedback and criticism can be a fantastic thing as long as we do it right. ?
Great advice! However, at times criticism can feel like a personal attack and it can be really difficult to react without being defensive. On some level we all want to be liked and valued for who we are, so when someone criticizes us, this is a direct conflict with our innate desire to be liked and to feel of value.
At work, leaders may use criticism to help you improve your work.
I like getting feedback at least I know what they are thinking about me and it’s a good thing because I know what areas to improve on.
I believe the main reason why we’re getting feedback is to help us become better. You don’t have to take it personally.
I can relate. Thanks for all the advice.
Regardless of whether the criticism is valid, a defensive attitude is unprofessional and irresponsible. Defensive, angry emotional responses are almost always regretted later when the heat of the moment has passed. ?
I only pay attention to criticism from friends and loved-ones. I recognize those who will not be offering constructive criticism before I waste one gigasecond of brain time. Some people, by their very nature, offer unhelpful advice or criticism. It’s wise to recognize that fact and accept that there is little that you can do to change their behavior.
It is human nature to consider most criticism as derogatory. Before jumping to conclusions though, you should consider who is giving the advice. It is easy to misunderstand the nature of the criticizer.
The problem is we only value praise. We only want to hear good things. When people speak kind words we feel happy. When people criticize we feel miserable. However, if we only received insincere praise and false flattery , how would we ever make progress? If we want to improve and develop we should invite constructive criticism and appreciate their suggestions.