I’m a model. I mean, I’m a writer, but I’m also a model. So I know what I’m talking about when I say that, along with all the benefits (like having an easier time getting into nightclubs and finding casual sex, I suppose, if that’s what you’re into), there are also a lot of negatives that come along with the package of ‘being beautiful’. And please, don’t hate me because I’m A) beautiful, or B) complaining about it (yeah, I know it may be hard)…
Reason #1: It makes dating harder. Yes, you heard right. I’ll explain why. When men see a woman that looks like a model, far too many of them see her as an object. I can only partially blame them for this, since society hammers it into our heads with objectifying ads and misogynistic porn. Hence, these men see ‘hot girls’ as something to possess and show off. They don’t really spend a lot of time trying to get to know her as a person, because for many men, beauty is enough.
But wait — that actually really sucks for us pretty girls. Really. Because when a man wants to possess you, he often pretends to be whatever you want… until he gets tired of pretending. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten my hopes up and ended up with “Wow, he turned out to be a giant a-hole… but I really thought he was suuucch a nice guy! I don’t know what happened??” It’s because either he could only fake it for so long, or he moved on to another ‘hot girl’. We are, after all, pretty much interchangeable when looked at purely from a superficial perspective.
Reason #2: People assume I’m not going to have anything interesting to say. When I start talking, articulately, about gender issues or politics, it’s often hard for them to hold in their surprise. I guess they think I spend all day doing my nails, reading watching beauty blogs vlogs, and hanging with my peeps at the gym. Uhm, not quite.
Reason #3: Women hate me for no good reason. It’s hard to make girlfriends, and really easy to make frenemies. When you’re the ‘hot girl’, women don’t want to be around you because they’re been brainwashed (by Disney! let that blow your mind!) into thinking that life is a big competition between women for men. News flash: if a guy wants me instead of you, then he was never really yours (and I certainly don’t want the jerk!). Alternatively, far too many women do want to be around you, just to get close to you and hurt you, which somehow props up their own ego.
Reason #4: Aside from having a hard time finding men who want us for our inner beauty, I recently discovered that there are also major downsides to being beautiful at work. A recent study* observed what happened when job-seekers attached their headshot to their resume, and how prospective employers reacted to what they saw. The study involved the sending of fictitious applications to around 2,500 real job vacancies, where every position was sent two similar resumes with contrasting photos.
The study found that the good-looking men had better chances of getting employed than the ugly; however, this resulted in the opposite for the women. The good looking ladies were far less likely to be offered a job and needed to send out an average of eleven resumes to various firms before being invited by one for an interview. Ruffle calls this “the dumb-blonde hypothesis,” or the general misconception that beautiful women are stupid.
A related opinion piece, by The Daily Mail writer Samantha Brick, had another theory why this is happening: “that other women hate me for no other reason than my lovely looks.” Brick says she was often dropped by friends at dinners out because they felt threatened by the fact that she was in the presence of their other halves, adding that “if their partners dared to actually talk to me, a sudden chill would descend on the room.” At work, Brick was once called to the office for her manner of dress (which she felt was conservative) and told that she was distracting her male colleagues.
Now, I know that Urbanette readers are way too confident and empowered to hate on the ‘hot girl’, but if you ever catch yourself wavering, try to remember that we all have our challenges, and nobody’s life is perfect. We live in a double-standard society, and no matter how much we say that human behavior and thinking has evolved to become more accepting and open-minded than ever, discrimination remains.
Beauty or beast (by society’s standards, of course), everybody has a cross to bear.
Well, what a demented article. Thank you for your perspective on the horrors having every advantage in life given to you.
You could always get plastic surgery to make yourself homely. I get all this, but I don’t think a single beautiful person has ever wished they could by ugly. And I would kill to be 40 and hot for just one day because at my age (65) I am aggressively scorned by women of all ages. They all but give themselves whiplash to avoid eye contact with me. At least no one ever bothers me if they even see me in the first place.
I think it’s all in the way you approach people. I grew up being homely but eventually became better looking so I know how it is to be treated looking both ways. I’d much rather be treated like I am now. I’ve occasionally dealt with jealous girls but for the most part I get along with everybody bc once you get to know me you realize I’m humble.
Women don’t like beautiful women that act conceited about it. I had a friend who was overweight that told me she liked hanging out with me bc I was a beautiful girl that didn’t act like I was beautiful so she was comfortable around me. I find the pretty girls that have probs making friends are the ones that have shitty attitudes and say things openly like all the girls are jealous of me. If I couldn’t be anonymous on here, I’d never admit people think I’m beautiful bc nobody likes that. It’s just conceited and off putting. Sorry just the truth.
Thanks for this article. There are so much more, including safety problems because pervs target pretty girls, and most women are too jealous to help her, or they’ll make situations worse due to their jealousy. It is disgusting the way people are. Be safe.
Hi Sarah! Thanks for this. I find it to be true in my life too. Particularly other women getting close just to hurt me because of some sort of de-humanization/monsterization/villification of beauty. Thanks for putting it into words. I did not want to believe it until those haters come to their senses and start apologizing for being “jealous”. In the process they can be very hurtful and even dangerous. If I had a daughter I am not sure if I want her to get all the “good” genetics. It is far too troublesome.
Life is hard when you are beautiful. Everyone envies you, So many are jealous, Men throw themselves at you. It’s hard dealing with all this pressure.
Never had that problem. I don’t consider myself hot nor attractive to the point that it becomes a problem. I’m just the simple awesome me.
I have never thought I was conventionally beautiful or even pretty, but I have noticed women can be very jealous if they see another woman has physical assets they desire, e.g. large breasts or luxurious hair. It’s absurd how sometimes you can’t even have a friendly conversation with a guy because his wife or girlfriend considers you a threat. I’ve lost count of the number of times chicks will act nice to my face but then they’ll fail to call/text me back or cut contact for no reason, and I’ll realise it’s because of jealousy because these women would always make an issue of my looks, even though I do not dress up or wear makeup. Which is crazy because I always felt ugly and awkward growing up. I sometimes wonder if it’s more to do with individual women’s insecurity and nothing to do with lookers because yeah, I’m also fat.
I also think there is a difference between beauty and style. Style changes from century to century but beauty is forever. So you can either attract people because you’re objectively beautiful, i.e. have good proportions and health, or because you possess the stylised elements that your society finds attractive, e.g. big fish lips and strong jawlines of today’s modelling standards. It’s got nothing to do with beauty, actually; it’s more to do with what the fashion industry shoves through our eyeballs. Some of those models are even ugly in my opinion, but they’re striking in a way that sells products, so in an ironic way, that ugliness becomes the new ‘beauty’ of tomorrow.
You know what, I think that beauty is something beyond our understanding like there could be 100 crazy beautiful girls in a room, only one would catch all the eyes on her, because she has that something you can’t explain. MOst of the time, she’s not even the prettiest girl, she just looks confident. Remember that is a big part of seduction, just believe in you, don’t get mad for anything and stay natural, you will attract way more men than before!