I’m a model. I mean, I’m a writer, but I’m also a model. So I know what I’m talking about when I say that, along with all the benefits (like having an easier time getting into nightclubs and finding casual sex, I suppose, if that’s what you’re into), there are also a lot of negatives that come along with the package of ‘being beautiful’. And please, don’t hate me because I’m A) beautiful, or B) complaining about it (yeah, I know it may be hard)…
Reason #1: It makes dating harder. Yes, you heard right. I’ll explain why. When men see a woman that looks like a model, far too many of them see her as an object. I can only partially blame them for this, since society hammers it into our heads with objectifying ads and misogynistic porn. Hence, these men see ‘hot girls’ as something to possess and show off. They don’t really spend a lot of time trying to get to know her as a person, because for many men, beauty is enough.
But wait — that actually really sucks for us pretty girls. Really. Because when a man wants to possess you, he often pretends to be whatever you want… until he gets tired of pretending. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten my hopes up and ended up with “Wow, he turned out to be a giant a-hole… but I really thought he was suuucch a nice guy! I don’t know what happened??” It’s because either he could only fake it for so long, or he moved on to another ‘hot girl’. We are, after all, pretty much interchangeable when looked at purely from a superficial perspective.
Reason #2: People assume I’m not going to have anything interesting to say. When I start talking, articulately, about gender issues or politics, it’s often hard for them to hold in their surprise. I guess they think I spend all day doing my nails, reading watching beauty blogs vlogs, and hanging with my peeps at the gym. Uhm, not quite.
Reason #3: Women hate me for no good reason. It’s hard to make girlfriends, and really easy to make frenemies. When you’re the ‘hot girl’, women don’t want to be around you because they’re been brainwashed (by Disney! let that blow your mind!) into thinking that life is a big competition between women for men. News flash: if a guy wants me instead of you, then he was never really yours (and I certainly don’t want the jerk!). Alternatively, far too many women do want to be around you, just to get close to you and hurt you, which somehow props up their own ego.
Reason #4: Aside from having a hard time finding men who want us for our inner beauty, I recently discovered that there are also major downsides to being beautiful at work. A recent study* observed what happened when job-seekers attached their headshot to their resume, and how prospective employers reacted to what they saw. The study involved the sending of fictitious applications to around 2,500 real job vacancies, where every position was sent two similar resumes with contrasting photos.
The study found that the good-looking men had better chances of getting employed than the ugly; however, this resulted in the opposite for the women. The good looking ladies were far less likely to be offered a job and needed to send out an average of eleven resumes to various firms before being invited by one for an interview. Ruffle calls this “the dumb-blonde hypothesis,” or the general misconception that beautiful women are stupid.
A related opinion piece, by The Daily Mail writer Samantha Brick, had another theory why this is happening: “that other women hate me for no other reason than my lovely looks.” Brick says she was often dropped by friends at dinners out because they felt threatened by the fact that she was in the presence of their other halves, adding that “if their partners dared to actually talk to me, a sudden chill would descend on the room.” At work, Brick was once called to the office for her manner of dress (which she felt was conservative) and told that she was distracting her male colleagues.
Now, I know that Urbanette readers are way too confident and empowered to hate on the ‘hot girl’, but if you ever catch yourself wavering, try to remember that we all have our challenges, and nobody’s life is perfect. We live in a double-standard society, and no matter how much we say that human behavior and thinking has evolved to become more accepting and open-minded than ever, discrimination remains.
Beauty or beast (by society’s standards, of course), everybody has a cross to bear.
“For MANY men, beauty is enough”! I thought you had said “some”, not “many”. Wow. Just wow. I guess that means we less-than-eights are screwed, especially if we are over thirty!! Please directly insult us instead of putting us down in this cowardly roundabout way.
Hi Ariel, I wasn’t trying to be insulting, and I am honestly sorry if it came off that way. I was just sharing what, in my life experience, I’ve found to be true…
Hi Sarah. I understand. It’s true although the thing is beauty is subjective. There’s this really superficial man for whom your statement is definitely true, and he wanted to date me several years ago. He saw one picture of me & liked it but he asked my friend if he could look through all my Facebook pictures to make sure the one he saw was not just a rogue good picture. Lol. (My friend set us up). We went on one date and then when I wouldn’t go back to his place he was done with me. We’re still friends, though. He’s good-looking but short (kind of looks like Jason Bateman). Point being yes he is one of those men for whom beauty is enough. But there are other men who wouldn’t even look my way. It’s all relative.
Honey, she was just being honest. But don’t worry, by the time guys hit their 30s, they become slightly less shallow. (not tryin to be sexist, but I have lost track of the amount of times I’ve heard college guys behind me say, “man, that chick was sooo hot,” or “she’s got huge jugs,” and other creative things along these lines.
No you ARE screwed because you get to be seen as you are, and attractiveness is not skin deep. I could go on and on; just don’t view yourself as losing out because of ‘ordinary’ looks. There’s no such thing. The vast majority of females look attractive to us males. I am constantly looking at the attractiveness of females of all different sizes shapes etc. The female IS attractive to the male!
Cry me a river. Try being a average man. You’re an over privileged whiner by comparison.
Being a white male in this world is flat-out easier than being a woman. That’s a fact!
I’m here to tell you it’s really not.
” Quote: “…try to remember that we all have our challenges,”
Each of u; ‘create’ the ‘challenges’ (As we see them) that we ‘meet’ so that we can ‘learn from them’! They are our gift to ourselves and we should embrace them for that reason. Everything that we experience, is like the reflection of our physical body in the mirror. ‘Life’ or ‘Experience’ is a direct reflection of the energy we ‘put out’! It is the very gift of our existence here!
She may have privileges because she is a beautiful, successful model and writer, yet, have you ever thought of the regular beautiful women? The ones who are not models? The ones who almost get run over by a car by a crazy bitch because she thought her boyfriend was cheating with them? Or how about the bitches who bitch about everything and try to fire you from the dream job you worked your ass off for to attain and spent over $100,000 to gain an education? Or how about all the perverted creeps who try to touch you inappropriately when you are waiting at a bus stop in the morning to go to class? Or the “boyfriends” who think you are too hot to be with them and who become possessive and abusive? Yeah, you are right. We sure have it easy. And please don’t forget to consider the fact that a majority of the population thinks we are conceited, stuck up dumb whores who have no other future but to do just that. And our biggest crime of all is having been born. Please spare me your shit. At least women are not as shallow as men. Do you ever wonder why there are so many gorgeous girls who look like models with guys who are not above a 6 or 7? Because a lot of girls care about things like personality. A lot of men (mostly the young ones) only care about being with girls with perfect figures and D cup jugs and gorgeous, flawless skin. You know, I got rejected by an asshole because I was not blond. So please, you should not even hint that an “average man’s” life is “hard.” Don’t give up. You are sure to find a 10 one day, unfortunately, because I am not a D cup or blond I should settle for a 7, despite the fact that I think I am slightly higher up on the scale.
Great read. I talk about this all the time and people think I’m crazy when I am the most down to earth person that will vibe with anyone. When you’re attractive and confident regardless of your own personal insecurities, you seem to brig out everyone else’s insecurities just by being “hot”. Once people take the time to know you they see you are just as normal but before that barrier is broken down you have to leap hurdles of stereotypes. I can be exhausting but I am used to it and always been more of a loner anyway so I’m not overwhelmed by it but it doesn’t mean I’m not well experienced in the situation.
I think part of the problem is they never even try to “share the wealth” with other girls & women. It would be nice if they would compliment more average-looking females every now and then, telling them they ARE beautiful and could get any man they want. Many of them tend to keep it to themselves, as if they don’t want anyone else to have it.
Ariel, why should beautiful women “share the wealth” for just because you have an irrational, jealous, resentful tendency to hate others for having been born attractive? I don’t go around with a megaphone telling the world how hot I am, I have never even had a boyfriend. Yet, for some reason, I get jealous women and girls always being rude and nasty to me. Perhaps I should let them know how beautiful they are, and that I am “sharing the wealth,” even though I don’t particularly care for the guy she is interested in. One last thought, maybe the real issue is your own insecurity, not the beautiful girl. If you feel threatened by beautiful women, then clearly your relationship isn’t working out because a man who loves you should not have wandering eyes.
“I think I’m higher up on the scale than 6 or 7”
“Men are more judgmental than women”
That’s why ya don’t have a boyfriend. You’re stuck up and care about yourself based on what you said.
Also, Ariel, how do you recommend that a beautiful girl tell an average-looking girl that she is “beautiful and could get any man she wants?” Should I approach a stranger on the bus and tell her, “don’t worry, you’re beautiful and you deserve any man you want?” That will end well.
Hi Andrea, Thanks! I agree… the stereotypes suck!
Observing the comments- Most of you are the exact reason she felt the need to post this article. Without a doubt, this is true. Maybe exotic would be a better term rather than simply beautiful. All and most women are beautiful, but very few inbetween are beyond gorgeous.
I am sad and have a mental illness because 1) I am overly sensitive and 2) was condemned for my beauty after being once condemnedand severly bullied for my ugliness before puberty. Life is so sad to me because I’ve been treated my whole life based on my looks.
No wonder I am 23 now and have a distorted self image, because of people like the negative commenters.
Just the fact that you put in one of your modeling pics for your article shows me that you are vain.
You are probably shallow to boot.
I pass on very attractive women.
Dude. It’s an article about looks, so yeah, I put photos that fit. :/
My thoughts exactly!!! Very shallow and you don’t have to prove anything by showing off your naked body. If you’re really confident then your inner beauty should speak for itself.
I also think “like attracts like” and two beautiful women might become friends more easily. Also, notice how often you see two average ‘fat’ woman hanging out or even working out at the gym together.
I guess most of my friends are pretty, actually. I find that a lot of women have ended up staying away from me out of insecurity or getting jealous, which really sucks, to be honest. I just want to be seen as a person, not as a “hot girl”.
I think the author is expressing her own sadness in life. Despite having many things that other people may want, to be more attractive, to travel, to have lots of shoes and a VIP lifestyle, she is not happy. But she doesn’t know why so she assumes it is because of her looks. After all her looks are what she is focused on. Or at least what other people are focusing on about her through her work as a model, which I would assume would make her hyper conscious of her appearance. The real issue is not about how surface beauty makes your life hard or makes you unhappy. It’s about being unhappy and how her mind is drawing conclusions for her unhappiness based on her experience. Anyone can be happy. Or unhappy. Appearances are illusions.
My gf sent me this link over a debate. The writer, get off your high horse, you’re def not ugly but I wouldn’t classify you as beautiful either. All the other females who claim to his this “problem” so to speak, neither are you. Articles like this are only written by individuals such as the writer to seek validation from the rest. If you’re in the model industry; you’re asking for it, especially a swimsuit model. If it were the contrary, you wouldn’t need to post a bikini pic, you would’ve posted a more…conservative “modeling” pic. My two cents
Oh cry me a river! Do you know how hard I try to be pretty?! I used to be unattractive…the lower side of average looking, with average size boobs on top of it!! Big nose. Temperamental skin. My skin cleared. I got a nose job. I had a boob job. And guess what? I’m still not in the prestigious 8-10 category and I never will be no matter how hard I try or how much plastic surgery I get! But at least I now have the big boobs (32DDD!!) & the small waist. At least I have SOMETHING desirable to the handsome alpha males! Is it so terrible to want male attention?? I’m almost forty and still single. Beautiful women suck up all the resources. And many of them are smug. Yes, we 5-6’s have been complimented by, hit on by, and — gasp — even dated good-looking “Type A” men!! Sorry.
I’m happy for you and your success with your surgeries. I’m sorry if this is offensive but not everyone wants to be viewed as a sex object as yourself. For beautiful intellectual women, we want to be appreciated for our brains, our talents, the part of us that makes us special. Especially for me, a person that was molested. Molestation either causes a person to feel overly comfortable in a sex ridden reality or the complete opposite. Some of us just want to be treated with respect. I’m assuming the woman who wrote the article is somewhere along the lines of the latter choice.
Well I would take her “problems” in a heartbeat over the HORRIBLE put-downs I received from girls & women back before I had my surgeries. Want to hear some of them?
– I didn’t feel safe walking at night to the bus when I was in college so I said I would like to find maybe a male to walk with me. This horrible, miserable false “friend” told me that: “A guy is NOT going to walk you to the bus. A stray dog would be more willing!” Nice.
– Again in college, another so-called “friend” said to me: “There are prettier girls. What are you gonna do?” Yep. Those were her words of encouragement regarding the hopes of me getting my crush. Fabulous.
– My ex-friend when I was in my twenties. Too many put-downs to name. The two biggest gems were: “You know what? You can’t get those guys! You can’t!!” with regards to getting good-looking guys, and: “I’m not gonna lie…you HAVE to be beautiful!” when speaking with me about modeling (all I wanted to do was at the time try out for one of those Maxim “hometown honeys” photoshoots).
– Two female co-workers telling me I could use a nose job because my nose wad big (I was scheduled to go into surgery to fix my nose).
– A female co-worker at an older job saying I was a butterface.
– My friend in high school saying she thinks one of our friends is really pretty. When I asked if she thinks I am (she knew my whole story…knew I could have used the reassurance), she said: “Eh. If your hair was long.”
So there you go. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Haven’t recovered, never will. The damage is already done. Hope they’re ALL happy. I am unmarried. No serious relationships. Don’t even feel worthy of them. Nothing but chasing beauty my whole life. Trying to prove things to myself and others. Racking up as much male attention as I can get. Temporary highs that go away quickly and then I need the next one. I am ruined. They ruined me.
That’s awful! I wish that nobody was judged on looks. It’s such an unfair way to be judged. It’s up to us to change things. Not by complimenting each other, but instead by simply refraining from talking about looks at all. Right?!
Well…like my aunt says, it’s fine to have good self-confidence to believe you’re attractive and blah blah blah…..but it’s nice to HEAR every once in a while! One thing I will say is that none of these horrible females who put me down are gorgeous. None whatsoever. One of them is pretty, and she has actually repented and changed her tune. Back in 2010 on Facebook she commented that “the years have been kind” to me and she also commented “Beautiful just beautiful!” under one of my photos. The rest are average-looking and one even unattractive. I have to say that it’s some beautiful women I’ve known who have truly lifted me up. My really beautiful friend told me the comebacks she would have come up with for some of the horrid things those girls said to me. For example, for “a stray dog would be more willing” she said that she would have said, “Well a stray CAT wouldn’t EVEN be willing to walk YOU to the bus, you b*tch!!” Her would-be comeback to the college girl who said “there are prettier girls; what are you gonna do?” was: “There ARE prettier girls…than YOU! You’re right!!” She says her dad (and mom) taught her no to let anyone give her any $h!t. She also reaffirmed that’s exactly the reason she has pretty much all guy friends. She told me I’m a beautiful girl and kind of look like Ariel The Little Mermaid. Then there are three gorgeous blondes I know. One of them told me she thinks I’m a knock-out and head-turner. Another told me I am beautiful inside & out. A third told me “Of course…you’re a bombshell already!” when I asked her over Instagram if she thinks I’d have a chance at being one of the American Bombshells (a group that performs for the troops). Finally (and this made me SO happy!) when I asked Robert Wagner’s daughter Courtney (via Instagram message) if she thinks her dad would think I’m kind if a pretty girl, her response was: “Of course he would think so…it’s the truth!!” Her dad. RJ Wagner.
Yeaaaa baby! 😉
Honestly Sarah, you seem like a sweet person. Thank you for taking the time to respond to all the comments♡
Instagram @kat.emi
Sweetie, women like you is the reason why life for beautiful women is a living hell. Your comment oozes resentment and envy. Please, you sound so desperate to change yourself to be perfect. Trust me, being a 10 gets you many great things: i.e. almost every girl hates you and calls you “whore” behind your back, no one ever takes you seriously, getting into law school was definitely a fluke for me, or I may have seduced a male administrator, definitely. Not like I work hard or anything, or study, or suffer multiple seizures after sleeping a total of three hours in 4 days due to exams. My life is all roses and magic. And yet, I have 0 friends, suffer from depression, and almost every woman glares at me before I even have a chance to open my mouth. Don’t worry, keep batting your pretty 7/10 little eyes.
Coming from a background of having mostly guy friends, I can totally relate to this article. As my best friends married and moved on my presence was made nulled. I noticed the wives becoming extremely jealous etc. Making girlfriends has always been an issue. I noticed the looks, the comments, etc. Very difficult at work too as I am a Manager and manage mostly women.