Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog


Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People

How to tell if a friend really has your best interest at heart, or is just using you.


We’ve all been there: it’s 7pm on a Tuesday, you’re just about to order Chinese food and watch Netflix before getting a jump on sleep. And then your phone rings. Your friend is on the other side, absolutely begging you to come out with her tonight, promising to be home before the sun comes up. Yes, she knows it’s a Tuesday. Yes, she’s aware you have work in the morning and need to look like something other than a glorified zombie in a blazer. But she pushes on, finally dropping the bomb, “Wow, you’re no fun anymore.” Now you’re enraged; I’ll show you fun, you think.

Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People

Flash to a few hours later, you’ve been dragged out to a shady bar and instantly abandoned for the dude in the corner with the man-bun who kinda smells like stale cigarettes and craft beer. Three Cosmopolitans and a plate of mozzarella sticks later, she gives you a kiss on the cheek and heads off into the world with Man Bun. You get home at 3am and set as many alarms as possible to make sure you get up for work in four hours. Sigh.

We all have the friends that we love dearly, but always seem to drag us down. Whether it’s pushing going out when we’ve already got sweatpants and ice cream on our minds, or letting us go home with the weird guy that works in the 7/11, it’s a tough situation to be in. But is your friend a culprit of minor follies like forgetting to return a borrowed scarf, or major issues like borrowing over $100 and then not speaking to you for roughly three weeks. It can be difficult to distinguish a poison human from a flighty friend, and ultimately, deciding where to cut the fat. Here are five ways to figure it out:

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Hi internet friends! I've had a passion for writing before I could walk and am so excited to be sharing that with you all. My goal is to not only entertain and bring humor into the magazine world, but to also empower women and raise awareness of the social and cultural issues we face. I'm an astronomy lover and a cheese enthusiast, as well as constantly hooked up to an IV of caffeine. Don't be a stranger!

Reader Discussion: 69 Comments

  1. Cornelia Green

    Well said and too true. Toxic people are so damaging. It’s sad but true – some people are just bad to be around. We deserve people who will make us feel wonderful., not terrible. Thank you so much for this article and bringing awareness to the fact that some people are just, toxic.

  2. Heather Strobel

    this is the TRUTH! You’re so correct on all your suggestions.

  3. Kimberly Vigil

    Toxic people need control above all else. Sometimes this is driven by low self-esteem, sometimes insecurity, sometimes both or something else altogether. I thank this website as it made me realize how to make good friends and how to know who is a good or a bad friend. You were able to illustrate the essence of this idea. I want to say thank you for the indicate advice.

  4. Rosemary Robles

    Amazing!, so many things to chew slowly about this post. I came very close to accepting a toxic person in my life and even in my house. I’ve confronted her about her bad behavior. It felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I suddenly felt lighter. Thank you so much for this article! It has been so enlightening.

  5. Grace Stirling

    wow.. this what just what I needed to read this morning. Everything you said is just spot on. I really dislike it when people think that I’ll always be there for them, like I have nothing else to do. And they will only contact you if they need something from you. I deserve to be respected.

  6. Jenny Garett

    This is a fantastic article. Exactly what I needed to read. One of the hardest things about loving a toxic person is that there is nothing you can do to change them. I am very grateful you took the time to share this post. Thank you for this article.

  7. I loved this article. Sounds like everyone in the world has some “toxic” traits. I’m keeping this one. I would love to get a copy of this article to share with my girlfriends. This is such an important point – thanks for this perspective Cristiana! 🙂

  8. Louise Stone

    This is total brilliance! Toxic people have an unfathomable need for control and a complete lack of empathy. With toxic people, you can give everything you have and it will never be enough. Thank you for putting it into this fabulous string of words. I’ll be sharing this with everyone I know at every opportunity. This was really helpful.

  9. Esther Earl Harris

    What a fantastically insightful article this is. I only wish I had seen something like this during my marriage. We’re starting to have more and more awareness around the mess that toxic people leave behind. It’s real and it’s ugly. I’m in a better place now with people around me who really deserves me. 🙂

  10. Hazel Collins

    I think you’re spot on. It makes such a difference having healthy people in your life who are able to bring things into focus doesn’t it. Toxic people often believe that they are more charismatic and people-savvy than most others. There are too many good people in the world who deserve you to waste time and energy on the people with don’t. This is a must read!

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