Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog

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Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People

How to tell if a friend really has your best interest at heart, or is just using you.

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Is She Like This With Her Other Friends?

I had a friend who treated me like I was more of a means than an person to hang out with. My instant assumption was that she was only entertaining my time so that I would eventually help her with her work, lend her money, or as a backup friend when other plans fell through. But I was wrong on this one. It wasn’t just me she was flighty with; it was all her friends. Realizing that made me even more furious, until I did a little compassion adjustment.

Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People

This girl and I were raised in two very different environments. She wasn’t intentionally being like this — towards me or anyone else; it was just how she was brought up. She didn’t know any other method of reacting, and that wasn’t something I should be taking out on her. I kept her in my life and as our friendship progressed I learned that through her character flaws, she’d be there for me within an instant if I needed it.

It’s important to not instantly write people off, but try to understand why they act the way they do. If they’re simply terrible humans, kiss them goodbye, but if they’re bringing positive vibes into your life at the end of the day, maybe they’re worth it.

Does She Only Text You When She Needs Something?

You can always tell when someone is only talking to you for the sake of getting something. The conversation may go something like this: “Oh hey, how’s your night going? Busy with work? Wow that sucks, would you mind editing my shitty work paper because I know you’re a good writer and will be so bothered by it that you’ll make it better, and I’ll take the credit? Aw thanks, you’re such a good friend!”

Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People

If you find this happening all to frequently, but your texts about getting coffee, or her grabbing your mail because you’ll be out of town for a night, go unanswered, you’re being used. These people are like spiritual vampires; they suck the life out of you for their own benefit and don’t care if you make it out alive. Grab a stake and get them out of your life.

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Reader Discussion: 69 Comments

  1. I guess I’m a bit of a people pleaser and I always believe that there’s good in everyone. For years, I’ve prioritized other people’s happiness over mine because I always thought that maybe if I show them how genuine I am with what I’m showing, they would learn to be genuine as well. Truth be told, it never happened. Not even once. If people use you the first time around, there’s no way they’ll suddenly realize that “Hey, she’s being real. I’m going to be real too.” That’s just not how it goes.

    • Don’t we all believe that there’s good in everyone? But that kind of perspective isn’t always good.

  2. Friendship should be a very equal relationship. No one should be above the other and both of you should grow as individuals and no one should be dragging someone else down.

  3. Toxic people are all over. My only problem is that they’re some of my family members. How do you even cut family members off?

  4. Friendships aren’t rainbows and unicorns but in the end, you should always have an excuse for that friendship to be worth the trouble. If you can’t even think of 1 logical reason, end it.

  5. When you’re a group of friends, it’s so hard to kick one out just because she’s being toxic. Can you just imagine if that was you and let’s say it’s a 5 VS 1? It’s unfair for the person. Kinda feels like bullying.

  6. Tara Pavlovic

    I’m never the type of person that would still treasure any relationship just because it’s been years since I’ve known the person. I hate toxic people in my life and I feel like my sanity doesn’t have room for it anymore. I feel like I’d go crazy if I keep toxic people in my life just for the sake of being with them for years. People can be our own flesh and blood and still be toxic. Nah, we shouldn’t have room for that crap in our lives. If you want to live peacefully, just scrap them out.

  7. Kathy Hinojo

    I know someone who was like this before. We weren’t exactly friends but she’s friend with my best friend. She always talks about why I have this and that even though she can easily buy something like that. I mean, she just hates it when someone has more than her. Like, WHYYYYY?

  8. Kathy

    This is the reason why I only have 1-2 real friends. Being surrounded by a lot of people whom you call friends isn’t always worth it. Once shit hits the fan, I’m guessing that only 1-2 will be around to help you lean up the mess you’re in. It’s quality over quantity, people. Even on Facebook, you can have thousands of friends there but only a few would dare to react to your posts or even shoot you a message asking how you are unless they’re going to invite you into some networking scheme.

  9. Gloria Castillo

    I was told that if you keep counting your good deeds to others, it means it wasn’t given from the bottom of your heart. Friendship can be really complicated.

  10. Mona Conner

    Friendships can be toxic at times. But not all the time, so learn how to weight things properly. Friendships are usually deep-rooted and you can’t just decide to uproot it just because you want to.

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