Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog

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Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People

How to tell if a friend really has your best interest at heart, or is just using you.

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Other things to consider:

Don’t let time validate a friendship. Maybe someone’s just been a shitty friend for over ten years and you’re afraid to let them go. Doesn’t make them any better of a companion. I had a friend I brought with me through middle school, high school, and college. She was an awful person and it was a parasitic relationship, but I felt I had already invested so much time into the friendship that I couldn’t possibly scrap it. Yeah, she told everyone at our high school that I didn’t deserve the scholarship that I received and that I cheated on the test, and she told all my friends that I was talking about them behind their backs when I wasn’t, but we’ve had some good times, right? No. She was the definition of a toxic human. Her butt got kicked to the curb.

Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People

Self inflicting ignorance can be your biggest enemy. Pretending there isn’t a problem only makes the problem worse. It makes the person on the other end of the bad friendship think what they’re doing is okay and that they can keep doing it. And you’ll bottle your problems up until you can’t take it and have a nuclear melt down. Everyone comes out a loser in this equation.

Don’t fall into guilt/friend manipulation. If they really did care, they wouldn’t be trying to manipulate you. Once again, they’re attempting to take advantage of your for their own personal gain. Let actions speak louder.

Above all, know that you deserve more than ‘friends’ who don’t want the world for you. Someone can be toxic even if you love them. It’s not selfish to think about your own wellbeing; your health and happiness should be a priority. If there is a person in your life relentlessly bringing you down, it’s time to let go.

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Reader Discussion: 69 Comments

  1. I guess I’m a bit of a people pleaser and I always believe that there’s good in everyone. For years, I’ve prioritized other people’s happiness over mine because I always thought that maybe if I show them how genuine I am with what I’m showing, they would learn to be genuine as well. Truth be told, it never happened. Not even once. If people use you the first time around, there’s no way they’ll suddenly realize that “Hey, she’s being real. I’m going to be real too.” That’s just not how it goes.

    • Don’t we all believe that there’s good in everyone? But that kind of perspective isn’t always good.

  2. Friendship should be a very equal relationship. No one should be above the other and both of you should grow as individuals and no one should be dragging someone else down.

  3. Toxic people are all over. My only problem is that they’re some of my family members. How do you even cut family members off?

  4. Friendships aren’t rainbows and unicorns but in the end, you should always have an excuse for that friendship to be worth the trouble. If you can’t even think of 1 logical reason, end it.

  5. When you’re a group of friends, it’s so hard to kick one out just because she’s being toxic. Can you just imagine if that was you and let’s say it’s a 5 VS 1? It’s unfair for the person. Kinda feels like bullying.

  6. Tara Pavlovic

    I’m never the type of person that would still treasure any relationship just because it’s been years since I’ve known the person. I hate toxic people in my life and I feel like my sanity doesn’t have room for it anymore. I feel like I’d go crazy if I keep toxic people in my life just for the sake of being with them for years. People can be our own flesh and blood and still be toxic. Nah, we shouldn’t have room for that crap in our lives. If you want to live peacefully, just scrap them out.

  7. Kathy Hinojo

    I know someone who was like this before. We weren’t exactly friends but she’s friend with my best friend. She always talks about why I have this and that even though she can easily buy something like that. I mean, she just hates it when someone has more than her. Like, WHYYYYY?

  8. Kathy

    This is the reason why I only have 1-2 real friends. Being surrounded by a lot of people whom you call friends isn’t always worth it. Once shit hits the fan, I’m guessing that only 1-2 will be around to help you lean up the mess you’re in. It’s quality over quantity, people. Even on Facebook, you can have thousands of friends there but only a few would dare to react to your posts or even shoot you a message asking how you are unless they’re going to invite you into some networking scheme.

  9. Gloria Castillo

    I was told that if you keep counting your good deeds to others, it means it wasn’t given from the bottom of your heart. Friendship can be really complicated.

  10. Mona Conner

    Friendships can be toxic at times. But not all the time, so learn how to weight things properly. Friendships are usually deep-rooted and you can’t just decide to uproot it just because you want to.

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