Ok, I know this may sound harsh, but hear me out. There’s evidence that watching porn leads to both addiction and sexual dysfunction. I know – I know! But when a person who’s prone to addictive tendencies looks at a pornographic material, testosterone, dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin are all released in the brain to create the so-called “erototoxin”. In short, the release of these chemicals causes a temporary feeling of euphoria that later becomes a necessity for the person to function, or feel ‘alive’.
“He says he watches porn casually. Could he be a porn addict?” Maybe — read on to find out. The difference between a porn addict and a normal person who casually watches porn is evident in the chemical makeup of that person’s brain, and the symptoms he exhibits. BUT even if he’s not “addicted”, it could still be subconsciously changing the way he looks at women, and the way he acts in bed.
Watch Russell Brand break it down:
…and here’s an incredible TED Talk on the subject:
Neuroscientists have explained how porn hijacks the male brain by making new neural pathways as they habitually fixate on pornographic images. “Neural paths become wider as they are repeatedly traveled with each exposure to pornography. They become the automatic pathway through which interactions with women are routed. Every woman they come into contact with is objectified, undressed and evaluated as a willing (or unwilling) mental sexual partner,” explains neuroscientist and researcher Dr. William M. Struthers.
Want to hear something scary? Porn sites get more monthly visitors than Twitter, Amazon and Netflix combined. And of the most-watched porn, 90% contained misogynistic verbal and physical violence. There’s no denying it – porn is having an enormous influence on both men and women. The effects of pornography addiction vary, but these are the most common:
It can ruin his real-life sex life.
Compulsively gawking at pornographic images (especially of hardcore or kinky sex, rape and sexual abuse) will lead to no longer being turned on by “regular” or affectionate sex, therefore sabotaging his real-life sex life.
It can ruin his marriage / relationships.
As a guy regularly watches porn over the Internet, he starts fantasizing about other women and becomes more detached and emotionally distant from his girlfriend or wife. Porn reduces his capacity for intimacy.
It can make him crave unattainable variety.
Since when a man watches porn, he is constantly seeing a new woman, or multiple women, every few minutes, it conditions him to crave variety and sabotages his chances of heightened arousal with only one woman (without being detached and fantasizing about others).
It can change the way he interacts with and views all women.
Because porn is designed for men, and primarily centers around men dominating women, he may also become more violent and misogynistic, perhaps without consciously realizing it, and this can affect many areas of his life. It can make it difficult for him to see women as equals in the workplace, and he may instead mentally objectify his colleagues.
It may lead to emotional, physical and/or sexual dysfunction.
In more extreme cases, porn addicts have been known to lose the ability to control their sexual urges. Men who watch porn often become dependent on pornography to de-stress. He may fear real sex and find it hard to create social and personal interactions outside of the virtual world. He may also get desensitized to the point where he has erectile dysfunction issues (so if he can’t get hard, it could be because he’s been watching porn.)
Porn addicts’ sexual behavior could be affected in multiple ways: either they shy away from real people, or they crave variety in partners, or they lose control of their urges.
Here’s a TED Talk about the addictive effects of porn and, interestingly, the growing community of men that have vowed to stop watching porn:
We interviewed some men for this article. Here are two who stood out. A man named Keith has this story:
“The tragedy was that my pornography habit kept me totally alienated from any real relationship with girls. I found it difficult to relate to real girls, who didn’t behave like the girls in pornography, I didn’t have girlfriends, because the girls I met or dated reacted with fear and disgust to my pornography-inspired advances toward them. Pornography had taught me that the way to be accepted and loved was through sex, but in reality my obsession with sex brought me only alienation, loneliness, and shame.”
Gene’s story, on the other hand, goes:
“As my mental scenarios demanded more graphic expression, I gravitated to more and more twisted and violent pornographic images. This material that once would have nauseated me, now have become my fantasy. From there I progressed to massage parlors, and finally to using prostitutes. Just as at each step before, what was at first shocking and repulsive became easier and easier to accept. In fact, it was the shock and repulsion that gave me that ‘rush’ I craved.”
Both reformed porn addicts, Keith and Gene are now active members of “Victims of Pornography”, a project designed by Citizens for Community Values to create awareness that there are real victims in pornography.
Believe it or not, pornography addiction is not just a problem among men. There’s a growing number of women who are lured to pornography addiction as well. When a woman watches porn, her self-worth plummets, and she starts to self-objectify, seeing herself as an object to be used by men. She becomes more risk-taking, sexually (like allowing men to degrade her), and not because she’s being true to herself, but because this is what her subconscious is picking up as “normal” and as what will give her value.
Here’s another TED Talk. This one explains how porn so easily changes the brain and creates an addiction, and many damaging effects:
But it’s not all doom and gloom! Pornography visualizes fantasies that many people may be unable to act out in real life. So for those normal people, take it as a means of entertainment — but do it very sparingly. Occasionally watch and enjoy the non-misogynistic varieties. Fantasize, and take inspiration from it. Just don’t make it a regular habit.
Figure out what aspects really turn YOU on, then unleash your inner seductress and try a few out in real life. Try “mirroring” what you see in the video with your lover. Wear lingerie. Meet at a bar and pretend you’re meeting for the first time. Role play and use toys. Make him swoon just like the first time you made love. Cherish, laugh, and be silly together. Just get off the computer, go out and get a life! 😉
~ Want more? Check out Culture Reframed to get involved in the anti-porn culture movement, and try our Monthly Sexual Bucket List.
Porn addiction includes an obsession with looking at women rather than interacting with them (voyeurism), an attitude in which women are viewed as objects of men’s sexual desire, and the trivialization of rape and widespread acceptance of rape culture, fueled by fake depictions of women in porn videos often pretending to desire violent and abusive sexual acts.
Yes, it also basically means you’re supporting all these acts.
Addiction to pornography is cited as a major reason couples divorce annually around the world. Whether you are currently married or one day hope to be, it’s a sure bet that porn is a poisonous ingredient in a marriage. When porn is preferred to a healthy sexual relationship with a spouse, the outcome is often a broken home. With a risk as serious as this, it makes sense to remove porn from your life all together and avoid a bunch of issues in marriage.
I thought I had my habit about watching porn under control. I thought I could quit porn whenever I felt like it. I even tried to quit a few times and then rationalized my eventual return to the addiction. I didn’t realize how much watching porn manipulated my mind, warping my sexuality, numbing my feelings, and impacting my relationships with women. And I was not alone.
Yes, bro, you’re not.
This one is for the guys out there, like me. The fact is porn often leads to less sex and less satisfying sex. For a surprising amount of viewers, porn eventually means no sex at all. Regular viewing of porn has been found to affect the brain in such a way that it hinders sexual performance when they get with an actual human being. Porn-induced erectile dysfunction is a real thing in us men, a side effect of watching porn that you probably never see coming until it’s too late. The only cure is to quit porn and let their brain “rewire” and return to normal.
Over the past year, I’ve started feeling more comfortable in my own skin. I’ve become much more willing to let go of control, to improvise, and to accept people’s differences. I trust myself more than I ever have and, as a result, my sense of self-confidence has soared. I wake up every morning grateful to be alive, clear about my life’s purpose, and passionate about the work I am doing in the world. My life today has a depth of authenticity and power that I never felt before.
This release of suppressed emotional tension after I stopped watching porn has unlocked a lot of joy in my life. All of this has helped me begin to shift my sexuality from mental masturbation and physical detachment to true intimacy, presence, and embodiment.
Every single click made on a porn site is counted by the greedy companies that make that content. Clicking fuels the demand for more, feeding and growing a dark industry that harms society as a whole. For all of the harmful reasons mentioned above, stop contributing to something that ruins peoples lives and supports sexual exploitation. This negative influence doesn’t have to affect you, your peers or the countless people in the industry who are are forced, coerced, and abused behind the camera. Take a stand and be the change you want to see in the world.
Oxytocin is commonly called the love hormone or the “bonding chemical” because it plays an important part in intimacy by connecting two people. Because the chemical is naturally released during sex, watching porn triggers the release of oxytocin as well, tricking your brain and essentially bonding you to the computer screen. Keep love real, and don’t take fake. Don’t bond with a computer screen.
This is by far the most important reason to quit porn. Above all, porn can seriously come between you and your partner. It distorts the meaning of love and intimacy. The most common true stories we receive are from partners who lost the love of their life due to a struggle with porn that tore their relationship apart slowly but surely. We all want and need love. It’s the most important thing we can experience in life. If fighting for love isn’t the best reason to stay away from porn, we don’t know what is. Porn kills love, but it doesn’t have to. Choose love, not porn.
The more you watch porn, the less you desire the things that previously got you excited. Hanging out with friends, playing sports, making music, etc., all these things lack the “shock factor” that porn gives the brain. Soon, you start to lose interest in anything that doesn’t bring the ultra-arousal of pornography. But not to worry, the sooner you cut out porn, the sooner you can restore a healthy and fulfilling approach to the things you care about most.