When I decided I wanted to stay out of the dating world for a while, I was met with a variety of reactions. From “Don’t worry, you’ll find someone,” to “Sure, you want to be single now, but wouldn’t it be great if you met the right guy?”, it was clear that few people supported the decision.
I chose to stay single because I was so extraordinarily happy with the people and work in my life and didn’t want to rearrange any of it to make room for a significant other. But as soon as I dropped dating from my priorities list, a lot of people seemed determined to put it back. The advocacies for online dating, the offers to set me up, and the insistences that I’d change my mind, if only I found the right guy, were endless.
My feminist side was miffed. Here I was, young and unbearably happy and surrounded by people trying to convince me that my life was imperfect because it didn’t include a guy. Even though we say we’re past the idea that a woman needs a man to be complete, in practice it seems we’re not.
What kind of message are we sending when we encourage our girlfriends to find a man, even when she’s professed a desire to remain single for a while? Romance is wonderful, but it’s hardly the only thing worth living for. If a woman chooses to focus on her career, her friends, or something as simple as having the entire mattress to herself, why can’t we support that?
Despite the progress feminism has made, it seems we still see an unmarried woman as a failure. I have known so many successful, happy single women who are pitied and looked down upon –as if something is fundamentally wrong with them because they aren’t married– a phenomenon much rarer for single men.
It’s important to learn how to create happiness from within, rather than looking to the external world for personal fulfillment. Everyone should to take some time alone to understand the difference between alone and lonely. To enjoy time with friends, and develop individuality and independence. We should encourage young women to enjoy singledom as a time of personal and professional growth and realization. Instead, we share dating advice.
Despite all this, the benefits of single life are starting to gain popularity. More people live alone now than ever before. 15 million people in the US between the ages of 35 and 64 choose to remain single. They’ve escaped the pressure to commit to a relationship and opted to enjoy single life instead. This often gives them more opportunities to be social, and to build their career, than married life would. So why can’t we encourage that choice—or at least respect it?
It all ties back to the traditional family values we cling to. For those who do choose to date, more expectations aren’t far behind: When are you going to get married? Are you going to have kids? How are you going to raise them? From the dolls we played house with, to politicians who give commencement speeches telling us to get married and have kids, we’ve been schooled on what we should want. Apparently, we should want to see women married and raising 2.5 kids behind white picket fences. But in this time of change and reevaluation of marriage, can’t we allow people to dispense with these notions all together?
Women exist outside marriage and motherhood, a concept that we all should’ve internalized a long time ago. Instead of shoving girls into relationships, we should encourage each other to take time for ourselves. Enjoy singledom while you have it. That’s not to say we should all give up on love and marriage; both are beautiful, valuable things. But being single is as well, and it’s time we acknowledged that.
Have you ever chosen to remain single for a while? Share your singledom stories in the comments!
Single life is the BEST! I can take my sweet time and not have to worry about anybody else! 😀
I’m single and loving it! 🙂
xoxo,
Helen
This truth radiated from your deepest being and connected to the same place in all of us. I tend to see the bright side of being single. i definitely feel much more free to be myself. The most best thing about being single is that you have a lot more privacy. This was an amazing post to read today.
Thanks!
Some people are in serious relationships or made to be married, but others are not. There is no shame in being single.
I actually very much agree with this! This is the exact conversation that I’ve been having with my mom. It’s very important to be happily single until the right person comes along, not about selfishness. Single is not a bad word. Sometimes life can be confusing, but it’s so nice to read words that cut right through to the soul and address the truth.
I was startled by your blog post as well as excited by the thoughts you shared. A lot of people around me said that “loneliness is like a disease which hurts more than anything”. For me, being single doesn’t have to mean being lonely. I have a feeling I’m going to come back and reread this a few times. Thank you for spreading this message.
What you said was beautiful and really resonates with me. I am 29 and single, being a person myself who has been single for most of my life and had few relationships. I find myself much happier being single. I am glad to see that I am not alone on this journey. I too enjoy the benefits of being single and have no interest in settling down.
Really enjoyed this article. Having had bad experiences with my previous relationships I called off dating for a long while and now I feel like I’m so far behind that it’s next to impossible to catch up.
I think that the most important thing to remember in dating is to be your authentic self. So, in keeping with that, there’s nothing to know or get behind in… just be yourself!
The pressure from society can sometimes be overwhelming. Especially if you live in a culture where social norms are very strong, inflexible and it’s hard to be different. But long term it truly pays off to be you and follow your own path, no matter how different it is from the usual one. 🙂
We are much better off (when we are single as well as in relationships) if we learn to be happy on our own and not expect from others to make our lives fulfilled. It’s also perfectly OK to feel good about being single and just enjoy it! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us!