Whores, tarts, hags, strumpets and mistresses are all names from the Victorian era, given to female aberrations. This is not the bad girl who after a few beers on a Friday has wild sex with a stranger then swiftly back to routine by Monday morning. No, I am directing you to those who loiter at the outer reaches of society. The women who we love to hate; who are lost in a chasm; in no (wo)man’s land!
The fear is that once a woman has moved outside of society’s acceptable boundaries, she isn’t allowed back in. To the patriarchal world, these women and ‘sex’ are synonymous — but not in an acceptable way. Take the fear, when we were growing up, of being seen as a slut for sleeping with a guy too soon; the worry that he would judge us and think we weren’t worth the second phone call. If it got out about our promiscuity, socially, we might as well be dead.
At thirteen years old, I remember feeling suicidal from shame after one night of fornication in a fishing tent. The boy was fifteen, confident, and with his friend. They bantered whilst smoking cigarettes as my friend, Angela, and I tried to appear cool. The guy who she fancied suddenly started kissing me. I didn’t enjoy it but I didn’t have the guts to say no. His hands darted down there. I shoved him off and ran all the way home, leaving a scowling Angela behind. It was only a few days before the whispering began. I was suddenly branded Angela’s slutty ex-friend. And while I was tortured, the boy who caused me so much shame gloated, happily.
This level of degradation should never be accepted.
Throughout history, the bad girl has been portrayed as a depraved outsider. No matter what people say in public about how they think porn isn’t a big deal, I bet I’m right when I say that they likely find those exact porn stars just too much too bear. They are, after all, conformation of absolute misogyny. Sex on camera per se is not problematic, but the dominant (violently misogynistic) form of porn is. Any movement, no matter how purportedly ‘liberating’, that portrays men as dominant is hardly radical.
If we look around, we can see how society has arranged itself around men’s wants. The sex industry fulfills the whore narrative and lets the wives and girlfriends remain chaste. Although these ‘chaste’ wives and girlfriends are now being encouraged to act like the whore — or risk him having love affairs with porn under the banner of male entitlement.
Take Charlie Sheen’s porn star ex, Bree Olson, and her recent confessions via YouTube. In the video, which went viral, Olson bemoans ‘society’ and its lack of acceptance of her past work, and in particular her troubles when trying to forge a mainstream career. Bree is quick to add that there’s nothing wrong with porn. She’s just frustrated by how people will treat her for the rest of her life.
The porn star is ripe for public revulsion. Their sexuality is imprisoned by men, labelled forever as both desirous and disgusting. Many women, like Bree, entered the industry thinking that they were embracing their sexuality, but it merely emerged as a trick that’s restricted her options forever. Although this is sad for her, and other women in this situation, the truth is that what they represent is deeply oppressive.
Ask any female porn star and they swear they’re empowered every-time, with mentions of $20k monthly paychecks, but that’s the only thing they do get. Money comes and goes but their degradation is crystallised. This should never be accepted.
As young women, we quickly learn that our value is in our sexual offerings, and our search for validation is set up to align with this. The industry works in synergy with these preconceptions, with promises of adoration and money for the starlet. Little do they know that this bonus was collateral damage for future ostracizing. At the grand age of 29, Bree has had to return to sex-cam work, with the hope of crossing over into ‘the movies’ one day. Due to her big profile, this is all but impossible, despite having amassed six years worth of filmed footage. She sums up her experience: ‘The words (on the internet) are something I didn’t expect to affect me in my everyday life. When I go out, I feel as if I’m wearing ‘slut’ across my forehead.’
The saturation of porn has laid ground for multitudes of instances where people are living in regret — as more are entering the sex industry than ever before. When Bree Olson bewails society, she should really turn her rage to the industry that normalized her downfall.
I definitely agree with the article. he real question I’d like to ask here is “why?” Why does our culture and the society, in which this “slut-shaming” aroused from, seemingly seek to look down upon women as inferior, while the men become the forces of dominance day by day? This “slut-shaming” terminology does absolutely nothing but inflict further damage upon the conscious of women. It’s highly controversial yet hypocritical that when a woman’s sexuality (regardless of her race, class, and or ethnicity) is looked down on as slutty or whoreish, while male sexual encounters are consistently praised and rewarding with terms such as player, playboy, pimp, etc.. Women and men are equally given the right to make their own choices in life. I mean who we are and how we are defined as are ultimately based upon the choices we make, right? With this in mind, I ask you, who are we to berate and shame people for the choices that they make, especially women? Are we not the socially immoral ones here?
It has different effects on men and women when called a slut. When a man is called slut, there seems to be a sense of pride and joy when heard. When a women is labeled a slut, it’s more palpable and more damaging; almost as if it’s leaving a scar for others to see. I don’t understand the need to be labeled for the pleasure of sex. It’s the 21st century, the choice is personal and private.
With existence of insults such as “slut”, it came up to me that since this derogatory term and practice had existed along our culture and society. Its up to us whether were going to be affected by such name calling.
Iit saddens me that that women being the victim of slut-shaming and within their same like are also perpetrators of slut shaming. That couldnt get it around their minds that the term Slut shouldnt be used to castigate or even shame women. What ever she did. Such act causes women to shut themselves from further development, experience and expansion. They would fear of doing lots of things that can further enhance their individualities.
Thank you for putting this issue so eloquently. I’ve used the term ‘slut’ in the past to describe males in an effort to demonstrate how disempowering and derogatory it is. You’ve brought to my attention that it’s not necessarily as effective because the context is entirely different for a male being called a slut than it is for a female being called a slut.
Slut shaming is sad and unnecessary. I remember when I was at coed boarding school a girl was found in a boy’s study at night. After we were all told by our teachers what a complete slut she was, she was expelled and made to walk out of the school to the waiting taxi in front of the whole school. Not one person said a thing as she held her head up high and got into the taxi, but if you could read our thoughts at that moment it was if all 250 of us were one. I never forgot that.
The people that think slut shaming is a bad thing are usually the sluts themselves. Defense mechanism in action. [sarcasm] Oh and obviously it only applies to women. Cause men are *supposed* to spread their seed, so apparently no such thing as male sluts. [/sarcasm] ??????
Slut shaming IS a good thing in most peoples’ eyes. And that’s the problem, when in reality it is a bad thing because it’s usually motivated by hate, envy, self-righteousness, competitiveness or dogma. People shouldn’t disrespect the joy and success other people get up to unless they harm someone.
hat could possibly be good about foisting shame on someone because they don’t meet some arbitrary moral standards? Condemning other lifestyles has always been risky business because it creates a greater separation among people, instead of bringing them together. Shaming is hurtful, arrogant, and unacceptable adult behavior. Nobody has the right to do it.
Slut shaming is not something that should be going on in modern times at all. Very few people would shame a boy for the same behavior that would supposedly bring so much shame onto a girl. It’s a ridiculous double standard and there is no valid reason for it. There is nothing wrong with having sex if it’s safe.