Let’s face it, ladies. After the sexy honeymoon phase and the initial butterflies, the dynamics in a relationship are bound to change with time. The longer you remain in a relationship, the more likely you are to hit a point where he (or she) takes you for granted.
No need to freak out just yet though. This isn’t reason enough to assume that he doesn’t love you anymore. Rather, his behavior may simply indicate that he views you as a staple in his life, someone he knows he can count on. Your job, however, is to remind him that even if you are, it doesn’t excuse him from putting in effort to make you feel valued.
To prevent the relationship from further cementing itself into a monotonous routine, give these first-hand tips a try:
1) Change it up
Do you feel like he (or she) isn’t putting any effort into the relationship? His (probably subconscious) reasoning for why he acts the way he does can most likely be attributed to the fact that your routine with him has already been set. For example, you may meet on the same evenings or days each week, get take-out from the same restaurant and watch the same shows on Hulu. While that may feel comfortable, it would be a surprise to find anyone who wouldn’t get bored with the regularity of never-changing plans.
Try suggesting new places to eat, spend an evening outdoors, go to a concert, or get a group of friends together. Aim to do something new or different once every week or week and a half. Make a pact to surprise each other at least once a month with secret and romantic date night plans.
2) Communicate
Generally, as a rule of thumb, it’s encouraged to give men space, at least in the early dating stages, and allow them to do most of the planning and pursuing. Allow him take the initiative and go at his own pace. If you’re always leading or planning things, this might set the pattern for the rest of the relationship/courtship and eventually leave you feeling taken for granted.
Though it’s important to let him know how you feel, make it a point to remind him how relationships require effort from both parties, not just one. It’s not acceptable for him to think or act like he can just show up and not take the time to invest, care, or plan.
Be careful of the way you approach this conversation — if he (or she) feels like he is being attacked, it is likely that he’ll get defensive about how he’s been acting, rather than open-minded.
3) Get your own life
Similar to changing your routine, constantly being available to your man can indirectly tell him that you’ll always be there at his beck-and-call. This doesn’t mean that you should never see him or that he needs to plummet on your list of priorities, but giving each other the space to do your own thing will also give you both the chance to miss each other and value the time you spend together.
Has it been awhile since you met with your girlfriends? When was the last time you were able to pamper yourself with some TLC?
The healthiest relationships I know are the ones that value how time is spent, both apart and together. Being in a relationship or being married doesn’t mean that you both fuse into one person or that you lose yourself in the other. You are meant to share your lives together, not be dictated by it.
But despite all these suggestions, which are good for any relationship, if a guy is taking you for granted, maybe it’s simply time to move on and find someone who won’t…
We cannot deny the fact that love diminishes as time passes by. It’s the duty of each partner to nurture their passion for one another. It’s not very much surprising that many couples separate because they don’t exert effort to make themselves closer to each other.
My boyfriend reacted like he was being attacked. What do I do?? We even argued that I was accusing him of something…
Why would you want to be taken for granted when the relationship just needs to end? Don’t torture yourself!
I agree with the second one about communication. It is vital to make your man know how you feel and try to understand him, too. Make him think that his opinions are equally important, and let him lead the way sometimes. Just be sure to respect every decision you make without sacrificing your own comfort.
This is quite a challenging situation because a man can’t be talked with and not feel his pride being assailed. Try not to be stern and make him comfortable first so he won’t feel like he is neglectful of his duties. A kiss and a warm hug always work.
In my opinion, the only way to avoid being taken for granted is to know your worth as a woman. Any asshole would take you for granted even if you do all this to avoid it! But the right person will always try his best to keep you because he’s scared of losing you. I’m a firm believer that if the thought of losing that person doesn’t scare you, even for one bit, and even if the relationship is smooth sailing, it’s not going to work. That fear is what will drive you to be motivated into doing something to actually keep the person.
It may sound cheesy, but I absolutely think you’re right. I used to be in an 8 year long relationship and I was just taken for granted. But my next relationship went on for 5 and never did I ever feel that I was taken for granted.
“Know your worth.” I think this speaks volumes.
This blog helped me not to make judgments about my husband’s ebbing attention. I blamed myself for what is happening to us not thinking that he is also struggling with his busy schedule on his work. I am trying to be more patient and understanding. I also might try some of these tips.
It is very tough to find ways to break up the cycle. But the effort we exert to make our connection with our partner stays meaningful is worth it. The ones in this article are just a few suggestions, and there are a lot more that one can do, like being kinder and more appreciative with one another.
Whenever I feel neglected, I make it to the point that he gets the message. I cook meals for him and is the one to start the conversation, asking him how his day is, adding a glass of wine to cheer him up. I believe it always hits the spot.
I was in a 5 year relationship with my now ex-boyfriend. I must agree that he really did change a lot after the mark of 2 years. He was so sure that no matter what he does, I’ll stick around. What hurts is that I knew that he used to make even the slightest of efforts to keep me, but after being together for 2 years, the little things were gone and he made no effort at all. I felt like we would go on dates and we’d eat, then I’d go home, repeat. Not that I want him to take me on fancy ones, but yeah. I got bored of the relationship.
It’s the routine, but if he didn’t try at all, I’m sure you don’t deserve him, sis!