Let’s face it, ladies. After the sexy honeymoon phase and the initial butterflies, the dynamics in a relationship are bound to change with time. The longer you remain in a relationship, the more likely you are to hit a point where he (or she) takes you for granted.
No need to freak out just yet though. This isn’t reason enough to assume that he doesn’t love you anymore. Rather, his behavior may simply indicate that he views you as a staple in his life, someone he knows he can count on. Your job, however, is to remind him that even if you are, it doesn’t excuse him from putting in effort to make you feel valued.
To prevent the relationship from further cementing itself into a monotonous routine, give these first-hand tips a try:
1) Change it up
Do you feel like he (or she) isn’t putting any effort into the relationship? His (probably subconscious) reasoning for why he acts the way he does can most likely be attributed to the fact that your routine with him has already been set. For example, you may meet on the same evenings or days each week, get take-out from the same restaurant and watch the same shows on Hulu. While that may feel comfortable, it would be a surprise to find anyone who wouldn’t get bored with the regularity of never-changing plans.
Try suggesting new places to eat, spend an evening outdoors, go to a concert, or get a group of friends together. Aim to do something new or different once every week or week and a half. Make a pact to surprise each other at least once a month with secret and romantic date night plans.
2) Communicate
Generally, as a rule of thumb, it’s encouraged to give men space, at least in the early dating stages, and allow them to do most of the planning and pursuing. Allow him take the initiative and go at his own pace. If you’re always leading or planning things, this might set the pattern for the rest of the relationship/courtship and eventually leave you feeling taken for granted.
Though it’s important to let him know how you feel, make it a point to remind him how relationships require effort from both parties, not just one. It’s not acceptable for him to think or act like he can just show up and not take the time to invest, care, or plan.
Be careful of the way you approach this conversation — if he (or she) feels like he is being attacked, it is likely that he’ll get defensive about how he’s been acting, rather than open-minded.
3) Get your own life
Similar to changing your routine, constantly being available to your man can indirectly tell him that you’ll always be there at his beck-and-call. This doesn’t mean that you should never see him or that he needs to plummet on your list of priorities, but giving each other the space to do your own thing will also give you both the chance to miss each other and value the time you spend together.
Has it been awhile since you met with your girlfriends? When was the last time you were able to pamper yourself with some TLC?
The healthiest relationships I know are the ones that value how time is spent, both apart and together. Being in a relationship or being married doesn’t mean that you both fuse into one person or that you lose yourself in the other. You are meant to share your lives together, not be dictated by it.
But despite all these suggestions, which are good for any relationship, if a guy is taking you for granted, maybe it’s simply time to move on and find someone who won’t…
We are married for 3 years and my husband hasn’t taken me for granted. I think I am lucky.
Seeing my friends go from a toxic relationship where they constantly were controlled, ignored and taken for granted, to a relationship where they are valued and loved makes me so happy. Like yes, sweetheart you’re worth more than that trash relationship you were settling for.
I hate when my friends are setting for something they don’t deserve because of love. They know they deserve something better than that, but they are still believing all the bullshits.
Do not invest too many feelings on your partner. It can lead you to heartbroken. Save yourself from being taken for granted by someone you love. It is not bad to love too much, but at least save something for yourself.
I ain’t getting taken for granted anymore. I’m down to earth as fuck, caring as fuck, I genuinely wear my heart on my sleeve to anyone I care for. I deserve the universe. Anything less can get left & gone.
My boy takes me for granted. He often ignores me when I am not physically in front of him. He barely answers my texts, never wants to talk to me. I keep hoping he will man up and fix it all, but I don’t think he will. The hardest thing os convincing yourself that you may have to leave just to be happy.
At the beginning of the relationship he was the one chasing me and he was more interested but quickly began to get to know him and love him. We’re 8 months in and at this point I often feel like he’s too busy for me or I’m not on his mind. I feel like I’m his second choice or that he overlooks what I give him. He says he loves me but he doesn’t act like it and I think I’m more invested.
It sucks to be taken for granted by someone you love. I know the feeling, and sometimes they love doing that. No one wanted to feel that way, no one deserves to be treated that way.
As a man, I know that my girl should never ask me to make efforts. It’s something I would rightfully give her without her asking.
I think I’m quite lucky to have a boyfriend that is caring and affectionate no matter what the circumstances. He’s so hands-on in all of our activities, but he takes time to listen to my suggestions and agree to it whenever they are more practical than his. We’re always a team.
Ladies, please don’t forget this: “Though it is important to let him know how you feel, make it a point to remind him how relationships require effort from both parties, not just one. ” There’s no harm in making efforts for your man but make sure that he does the same for you. If you think this isn’t happening, carefully assess if that’s really the case. Don’t quickly assume that he’s not doing anything because maybe he does, but you just fail to see it. Consider a lot of factors and don’t just jump into conclusions.
This is what stuck into me when I read the article. Relationships take effort in both parties. Never do it on your own.