Let’s face it, ladies. After the sexy honeymoon phase and the initial butterflies, the dynamics in a relationship are bound to change with time. The longer you remain in a relationship, the more likely you are to hit a point where he (or she) takes you for granted.
No need to freak out just yet though. This isn’t reason enough to assume that he doesn’t love you anymore. Rather, his behavior may simply indicate that he views you as a staple in his life, someone he knows he can count on. Your job, however, is to remind him that even if you are, it doesn’t excuse him from putting in effort to make you feel valued.
To prevent the relationship from further cementing itself into a monotonous routine, give these first-hand tips a try:
1) Change it up
Do you feel like he (or she) isn’t putting any effort into the relationship? His (probably subconscious) reasoning for why he acts the way he does can most likely be attributed to the fact that your routine with him has already been set. For example, you may meet on the same evenings or days each week, get take-out from the same restaurant and watch the same shows on Hulu. While that may feel comfortable, it would be a surprise to find anyone who wouldn’t get bored with the regularity of never-changing plans.
Try suggesting new places to eat, spend an evening outdoors, go to a concert, or get a group of friends together. Aim to do something new or different once every week or week and a half. Make a pact to surprise each other at least once a month with secret and romantic date night plans.
2) Communicate
Generally, as a rule of thumb, it’s encouraged to give men space, at least in the early dating stages, and allow them to do most of the planning and pursuing. Allow him take the initiative and go at his own pace. If you’re always leading or planning things, this might set the pattern for the rest of the relationship/courtship and eventually leave you feeling taken for granted.
Though it’s important to let him know how you feel, make it a point to remind him how relationships require effort from both parties, not just one. It’s not acceptable for him to think or act like he can just show up and not take the time to invest, care, or plan.
Be careful of the way you approach this conversation — if he (or she) feels like he is being attacked, it is likely that he’ll get defensive about how he’s been acting, rather than open-minded.
3) Get your own life
Similar to changing your routine, constantly being available to your man can indirectly tell him that you’ll always be there at his beck-and-call. This doesn’t mean that you should never see him or that he needs to plummet on your list of priorities, but giving each other the space to do your own thing will also give you both the chance to miss each other and value the time you spend together.
Has it been awhile since you met with your girlfriends? When was the last time you were able to pamper yourself with some TLC?
The healthiest relationships I know are the ones that value how time is spent, both apart and together. Being in a relationship or being married doesn’t mean that you both fuse into one person or that you lose yourself in the other. You are meant to share your lives together, not be dictated by it.
But despite all these suggestions, which are good for any relationship, if a guy is taking you for granted, maybe it’s simply time to move on and find someone who won’t…
Isn’t this just the old show biz saying, “Always leave them wanting more”?
Girl, you’re doing some great work here. Seriously. One of the best contents I’ve ever found online.
Whenever I would get into a relationship, what I usually ask for is that the person hopefully doesn’t change.
For some reason, my boyfriend is so much absorbed with his motorcycle hobby, so I took the time to learn things about his favorite past time. I enjoyed it and got to spend my time with him. I also get his attention ‘coz of that.
This is a great idea! And maybe I can invite my boyfriend on my pottery class, too.
Interesting. This can get quite complicated though if you’re already starting to feel like you’re being taken for granted. It only means that the person isn’t trying his or her best to keep you.
Instead of texting or sending messages, what I do on some occasion is to leave a personalized card with a note about what we will do for the day. That way, I’ll be sure that he notices it and respond to it no matter what his activities are for that day.
My hubby enjoys it when I invite my friends or my former college mates over for some chat and snacks. Even if he is quite a bit introverted, he appreciates it when people come to our house, though he seldom joins much of the conversations. He’s satisfied with the change in the routine, and it gives time for us to talk about the day after.
Becoming a little too touchy when talking with each other releases oxytocin, based on what I read on some relationship blog. It is not necessarily sexual, but in any close encounter, it can boost your mood and connection with each other.
Staple?! What am I, a bread?! If my guy ignores me even in a single jiff I need, all hell will lose! LOL! Seriously! I can’t help but be needy and clingy with my man!
He might feel choked, tho.
It’s ok to be clingy and needy, but treat him like he’s your property is not good for both of you.
Of course, who wouldn’t agree with the last one? If your partner ignores you without any reason at all, it’s time to move on and find another who will give you the much-deserved exclusive affinity, if what you want is a SLAVE. HAHAHA!!!