If you’re human, you’ve probably had at least one bad week in your life when nothing seemed to go right. That guy (or girl) you’re dating has decided it’s time for “a break” and on the very same day you get scolded at work for a costly mistake. On top of it all, you realize the needle on the scale is going in the wrong direction after you’ve spent more than a few nights drowning yourself in a quart of rocky road ice cream. These periods of doubt can take your confidence levels down at least a notch or two, but you don’t have to let them define you.
When things go wrong, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of negative thinking that ultimately plunges confidence and self-esteem to even lower depths, creating a vicious cycle. For example, studies show that women who appear more confident win out over a women who are perceived as traditionally more attractive when it comes to how many times they are approached at bars.
So don’t just talk about changing, do it. Take control of your confidence and you’re bound to see your happiness level increase significantly. Here’s how:
Get Out There
Hanging with your friends and going on dates are two ways to make you feel alive again. Ring up your friends and ask them to meet up at a bar with fun, happy music you like (here are our picks of the best NYC rooftop bars). Or have them over for a fun girl’s night.
Another way to make yourself feel better is to get online and sign up for online dating (here’s a comparison of the top dating sites). If you’re not ready to go on dates again, I understand. Believe me, I’ve been there. I’ve actually cried telling my new date about my ex — on our first date. So embarrassing! Waiting to go on dates until I could talk about my breakup without bawling would’ve been a good idea. That said, there’s no harm in looking online and, once you’re ready, there’s no better way to get a little boost than by going on a few dates.
Improve Your Posture
If you walk into a room with your head down and your eyes on the floor, you probably aren’t feeling very confident and you’re projecting that. Even if you’re a mess inside, standing taller and appearing more confident may cause you to believe in yourself. Your body posture affects what others think about you and also what you think about yourself. Stand up straight and make eye contact for an immediate confidence boost.
Dress Better and Change Up Your Appearance
What’s in your closet can help you project your best image, significantly boosting your confidence level. How we dress can reflect the level of our self-esteem, so it may be time to assess what you’re wearing and make an effort to improve it. If you aren’t sure where to start, there are a number of fashion apps that help you use your current wardrobe to create effortlessly chic styles, or allow you to take pictures of your clothes and spin them around to make new combinations.
Making an appearance change like a new hairstyle or switching out your glasses for colored contact lenses, can make a dramatic difference that is sure to make you feel more confident.
Work Out
Exercising on a regular basis makes you feel in control of your own health, making you a more confident person. Physical activity also helps to battle the effects of stress, keeping you both mentally and physically strong so your confidence isn’t derailed by minor setbacks. Plus, if you’re in good shape, your clothes will fit better, you’ll stand taller and you’ll have more energy to do what it takes to succeed. Being fit allows you to be the very best version of yourself.
Be Creative
Getting in touch with your creative side can make you happier and healthier. There are numerous studies on the beneficial effects of creativity. Not only can being creative help your health, but it can also help you at work by opening you up to innovation and inspiration. Anyone can be creative, it’s not about skill or talent. Whether it’s dancing alone in your house, baking cupcakes, painting a picture or repurposing furniture, creativity will boost your mental health and overall wellbeing.
Challenge Yourself to Master Something New
Challenge yourself by getting out of your comfort zone and mastering something new. Whether it’s a new sport or getting over your biggest fear, the accomplishment is bound to give you a huge shot of confidence. You’ll feel better about yourself, which may even inspire you to achieve yet another hard-fought goal, bringing even more confidence, and so on.
Before you know it, the sky’s the limit. You can do or accomplish almost anything your heart desires because now you’ve got your mojo back!
Want more? Here’s 10 ways to deal with a breakup.
I was looking online how to regain your mojo because mine is depleted right now and I saw your article in suggestion. I’m feeling better already. First thing tomorrow I’m going for a haircut. I need to make some changes in my life and a haircut would be a great idea.
Thank you, Hilary, for helping us realize how easier life can be!! Love this.
Thank you so much, Hilary, for this article. You have literally helped me so much throughout the extremely painful and difficult breakup I have been going through with my abuser. Your articles have truly really helped me to understand how I spent the last three years of my life and why someone who is a genuinely good person like me was treated like complete and utter garbage. I truly wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you do and all the advice and knowledge you have given to me. Thank you, Hilary.
My mojo seems to be best when I have a connection with like-minded people. However, I am a unique person so that doesn’t happen often. I am thinking my next life challenge should be to find a group of like-minded people.
Oh yes!! My self-esteem was devastated after living with my toxic narc father for four years alone through the high school. I became so defensive, heart crushed, confused, soul crushed, angry emotionally destroyed, mentally lost and worst of all my identity was exploded into shreds of my true self- no longer recognizable. Then I moved into my mom’s house and she attacked me for being so effed up. she had no compassion or understanding of what I had been through. yet she was the one who left my father at the beginning of my high school days. Her leaving him brought out his narcissism on me in the most negative abusive way. It has been 34 years and I am still working in recovery. Of course, right after high school, I got into 12 years highly abusive relationship with someone who had a histrionic personality disorder. And right near the end of that relationship, I made a terrible decision that had negative spiritual consequences to this day. So I have much to recover from. My self-esteem is still quite low, but I’m working with a good therapist now and I refuse to give up. Your articles are a blessing.
Had a really bad day and came across this article, it totally fixed my mood and now have something to go by which will hopefully restore my happiness. Thank you.
Always look back to when you were happy and what made you happy then that will give you the answers.
I really like your words is inspiring and lifting thank you so much you are indeed a blessing to many.
I googled “where my mojo went” and this article came up. As I was feeling particularly unmotivated and after reading this article I am feeling inspired and motivated to do the things you have mentioned and hopefully I will get my mojo back.
Thank you so much for this wonderful article. It really helps to get refocus on what is important which is yourself. This will be printed and kept close by just in case I fall off track.