If you’re human, you’ve probably had at least one bad week in your life when nothing seemed to go right. That guy (or girl) you’re dating has decided it’s time for “a break” and on the very same day you get scolded at work for a costly mistake. On top of it all, you realize the needle on the scale is going in the wrong direction after you’ve spent more than a few nights drowning yourself in a quart of rocky road ice cream. These periods of doubt can take your confidence levels down at least a notch or two, but you don’t have to let them define you.
When things go wrong, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of negative thinking that ultimately plunges confidence and self-esteem to even lower depths, creating a vicious cycle. For example, studies show that women who appear more confident win out over a women who are perceived as traditionally more attractive when it comes to how many times they are approached at bars.
So don’t just talk about changing, do it. Take control of your confidence and you’re bound to see your happiness level increase significantly. Here’s how:
Get Out There
Hanging with your friends and going on dates are two ways to make you feel alive again. Ring up your friends and ask them to meet up at a bar with fun, happy music you like (here are our picks of the best NYC rooftop bars). Or have them over for a fun girl’s night.
Another way to make yourself feel better is to get online and sign up for online dating (here’s a comparison of the top dating sites). If you’re not ready to go on dates again, I understand. Believe me, I’ve been there. I’ve actually cried telling my new date about my ex — on our first date. So embarrassing! Waiting to go on dates until I could talk about my breakup without bawling would’ve been a good idea. That said, there’s no harm in looking online and, once you’re ready, there’s no better way to get a little boost than by going on a few dates.
Improve Your Posture
If you walk into a room with your head down and your eyes on the floor, you probably aren’t feeling very confident and you’re projecting that. Even if you’re a mess inside, standing taller and appearing more confident may cause you to believe in yourself. Your body posture affects what others think about you and also what you think about yourself. Stand up straight and make eye contact for an immediate confidence boost.
Dress Better and Change Up Your Appearance
What’s in your closet can help you project your best image, significantly boosting your confidence level. How we dress can reflect the level of our self-esteem, so it may be time to assess what you’re wearing and make an effort to improve it. If you aren’t sure where to start, there are a number of fashion apps that help you use your current wardrobe to create effortlessly chic styles, or allow you to take pictures of your clothes and spin them around to make new combinations.
Making an appearance change like a new hairstyle or switching out your glasses for colored contact lenses, can make a dramatic difference that is sure to make you feel more confident.
Work Out
Exercising on a regular basis makes you feel in control of your own health, making you a more confident person. Physical activity also helps to battle the effects of stress, keeping you both mentally and physically strong so your confidence isn’t derailed by minor setbacks. Plus, if you’re in good shape, your clothes will fit better, you’ll stand taller and you’ll have more energy to do what it takes to succeed. Being fit allows you to be the very best version of yourself.
Be Creative
Getting in touch with your creative side can make you happier and healthier. There are numerous studies on the beneficial effects of creativity. Not only can being creative help your health, but it can also help you at work by opening you up to innovation and inspiration. Anyone can be creative, it’s not about skill or talent. Whether it’s dancing alone in your house, baking cupcakes, painting a picture or repurposing furniture, creativity will boost your mental health and overall wellbeing.
Challenge Yourself to Master Something New
Challenge yourself by getting out of your comfort zone and mastering something new. Whether it’s a new sport or getting over your biggest fear, the accomplishment is bound to give you a huge shot of confidence. You’ll feel better about yourself, which may even inspire you to achieve yet another hard-fought goal, bringing even more confidence, and so on.
Before you know it, the sky’s the limit. You can do or accomplish almost anything your heart desires because now you’ve got your mojo back!
Want more? Here’s 10 ways to deal with a breakup.
Absolutely perfect. Exactly what I needed at this moment. Truly amazing. Thank you!!
This is a great and comprehensive list!! I love all of them. Don’t wait for your mojo to return! So often when we’re sown we think all life is a cycle and this too shall return when it’s supposed to, but there’s nothing wrong with giving your natural rhythm a little nudge.
Thanks for these tips. I will try them. My biggest hurdle is believing I am worth it. It is extremely hard for me to do things for my self to be happy or to have fun. It is also hard to see my goals through, even with baby steps. I have given up on many. It feels like I have given up on living. For some strange reason, I am not upset about this. What does that mean? I am depressed 90% of the day every day. Any tips on how to move past this?
Hi Hilary!! This is such a common feeling, I am so glad you’re this writing about this today. I Think your idea of “changing your appearance” is so renewing, but often overlooked. When we’ve lost our mojo we lose that sparkle to go out and try new things. Even visiting an ethnic restaurant can bring back a lust for life.
How I built my self-esteem after narcissistic abuse- I asked 5 friends to write 5 things they thought were my best attributes as a friend, sister, and aunt. I print their answers and carried them around with me reading them several times a day-it worked.
These are all wonderful ideas. I find my mojo level to be highest in things I’m passionate about, or essentially that I find fun and enjoy doing. I really like doing something creative to get reinvigorated. In general, a change of environment and routine can be just what the doctor ordered.
I’m totally depressed, no strength to even get up out of bed and my mind is foggy. Even if I plan to do something I can’t. But need to do something about. Your article was really inspiring I will try to do some of the things you said. I hope it’ll work.
One of my favorite things to get my mojo back is to go to a yoga class. I don’t take my phone and I take off my watch. With a little unplugged time and some great physical moves, I feel like I can take on almost anything!! A peaceful warrior I become.
I’m having a rough night. I can’t get it together. I will go a couple days and feel great and strong and like I’m gonna get myself back and screw him and then out of the blue I feel so alone and I miss him. How the hell do I miss him? I have never been so stomped on my heart my psyche my spirituality my energy it’s gone and I don’t feel like I’m worth anything to anyone, I sit in my room by self and I can’t sleep or eat, or eat everything I can get hold of. Why am I doing that??
Thank you so much for this. sometimes you just need something like this to read when you’re down to bring your spirit up at least 1 notch and it workes. Thanks again.