I’m a model. I mean, I’m a writer, but I’m also a model. So I know what I’m talking about when I say that, along with all the benefits (like having an easier time getting into nightclubs and finding casual sex, I suppose, if that’s what you’re into), there are also a lot of negatives that come along with the package of ‘being beautiful’. And please, don’t hate me because I’m A) beautiful, or B) complaining about it (yeah, I know it may be hard)…
Reason #1: It makes dating harder. Yes, you heard right. I’ll explain why. When men see a woman that looks like a model, far too many of them see her as an object. I can only partially blame them for this, since society hammers it into our heads with objectifying ads and misogynistic porn. Hence, these men see ‘hot girls’ as something to possess and show off. They don’t really spend a lot of time trying to get to know her as a person, because for many men, beauty is enough.
But wait — that actually really sucks for us pretty girls. Really. Because when a man wants to possess you, he often pretends to be whatever you want… until he gets tired of pretending. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten my hopes up and ended up with “Wow, he turned out to be a giant a-hole… but I really thought he was suuucch a nice guy! I don’t know what happened??” It’s because either he could only fake it for so long, or he moved on to another ‘hot girl’. We are, after all, pretty much interchangeable when looked at purely from a superficial perspective.
Reason #2: People assume I’m not going to have anything interesting to say. When I start talking, articulately, about gender issues or politics, it’s often hard for them to hold in their surprise. I guess they think I spend all day doing my nails, reading watching beauty blogs vlogs, and hanging with my peeps at the gym. Uhm, not quite.
Reason #3: Women hate me for no good reason. It’s hard to make girlfriends, and really easy to make frenemies. When you’re the ‘hot girl’, women don’t want to be around you because they’re been brainwashed (by Disney! let that blow your mind!) into thinking that life is a big competition between women for men. News flash: if a guy wants me instead of you, then he was never really yours (and I certainly don’t want the jerk!). Alternatively, far too many women do want to be around you, just to get close to you and hurt you, which somehow props up their own ego.
Reason #4: Aside from having a hard time finding men who want us for our inner beauty, I recently discovered that there are also major downsides to being beautiful at work. A recent study* observed what happened when job-seekers attached their headshot to their resume, and how prospective employers reacted to what they saw. The study involved the sending of fictitious applications to around 2,500 real job vacancies, where every position was sent two similar resumes with contrasting photos.
The study found that the good-looking men had better chances of getting employed than the ugly; however, this resulted in the opposite for the women. The good looking ladies were far less likely to be offered a job and needed to send out an average of eleven resumes to various firms before being invited by one for an interview. Ruffle calls this “the dumb-blonde hypothesis,” or the general misconception that beautiful women are stupid.
A related opinion piece, by The Daily Mail writer Samantha Brick, had another theory why this is happening: “that other women hate me for no other reason than my lovely looks.” Brick says she was often dropped by friends at dinners out because they felt threatened by the fact that she was in the presence of their other halves, adding that “if their partners dared to actually talk to me, a sudden chill would descend on the room.” At work, Brick was once called to the office for her manner of dress (which she felt was conservative) and told that she was distracting her male colleagues.
Now, I know that Urbanette readers are way too confident and empowered to hate on the ‘hot girl’, but if you ever catch yourself wavering, try to remember that we all have our challenges, and nobody’s life is perfect. We live in a double-standard society, and no matter how much we say that human behavior and thinking has evolved to become more accepting and open-minded than ever, discrimination remains.
Beauty or beast (by society’s standards, of course), everybody has a cross to bear.
This happens to me all the time especially checkouts in stores, doctor’s offices, etc. People don’t want to serve me, try to avoid me pretending not to see me, leaving the lane as soon as I arrive to checkout, speak to me rudely, laughing at me over nothing trying to humiliate me making themselves look stupid instead, try to waste my time taking as long as they can. Ridiculous and pure evil!
This happens to me all the time especially checkouts in stores, doctor’s offices, etc. People don’t want to serve me, try to avoid me pretending not to see me, leaving the lane as soon as I arrive to checkout, speak to me rudely, laughing at me over nothing trying to humiliate me making themselves look stupid instead, try to waste my time taking as long as they can. Ridiculous and pure evil!
Wow, I thought it was all in my head, but I guess people really do avoid me for no reason other than the fact that they take one look at my face and automatically assume I am a conceited prick not worthy of their precious time. I don’t even have a very nice figure (I am 15 pounds over-weight and my non-existent boobs are the size of almonds), yet they are still jealous of me. Like what the heck??
That’s crazy! I’ve always thought to this day that prettier women had it all easier, considering how superficial people of our day, especially men are. But I reckon you don’t know until you’re there.
Never been happier that I’m not such an eyecandy haha. 🙂
Reason #2 stands. After reading what you’ve had to say, the assumption proves to be correct. This wasn’t a great piece of writing, style-wise and content-wise. Just more of the same hackneyed bellyaching.
Exactly! And the whole “it’s easier for beautiful women to get casual sex”. Baloney!! I have turned down more casual sex opportunities than I can count! My best friend has never been a traditional beauty and she is also chubby, and she NEVER had a problem finding casual sex. Like, ever. Ha!!
Also, if you’re ACTUALLY cool you will have no problem with people approaching you. One of my friends is a beautiful bad@$$ — as opposed to those obnoxiously annoying “vulnerable sexy” types (God I hate those types) — and although she has mostly guy friends by far, she has no problem having pleasant encounters with males & females alike. People love her. Not just because she is beautiful. But because she is awesome!
Great read! Nothing is ever perfect. We are good in some things, and we’re bound (whether we like it or not) to be bad in others. What we should hope is that the bad would never surpass the good.
This kinda reminds me of an article I read a long time ago in Reader’s Digest magazine about a study conducted on babies. Placed in front of the babies were pictures of different women of different features and colors. Some beautiful, others plain. The study found out that the babies would look and focus more often on the pictures of women with beautiful or symmetrical faces regardless of the color. Since babies do not have any concept of discrimination yet, and they don’t go around criticizing people with malicious intent, the study simply points out that babies go for that facial features which is more pleasant to look at.
From that study, I realized that maybe our brains, or our hearts, are hardwired to go after what’s beautiful and pleasant. Be it a face, another body part, a heart, a mind, a feeling, an action, a place, a situation, or an event. We will always long for anything beautiful.
Sometimes though, we get so busy at work or get wrapped up in whatever things we’re doing or what’s happening around us. And this numbs our hearts, which leads us to neglect the seemingly mundane but more essential things and we go about complaining about the trivial things as well. We tend to be shortsighted. Few bad things happening in front of us, and we totally forget how exceedingly fortunate we are. Cliche as it may sound, we should learn from the kids. They know very little but there is so much to learn from them. Let us have their hearts, as well. Because their’s is a heart that always finds beauty even in the simplest of things.
This might be a case of “both a blessing and a curse” or “a curse in disguise as a blessing”! 🙂 But whatever it is, being beautiful is a blessing. Back when I was fresh out of the university, having finally leapt over the last of the academic hurdles, I found myself with neck-high debt and was scrambling to find work. Back then, I had myself wishing about having those pretty faces, perfect figures, or wonderful singing voices. I would just have easily made my way at the fashion ramps; graced beauty magazines with my symmetrical flawless face; been seen in a film as a James Bond girl, or had produced hit singles and sold-out concerts, and not saddled with all those debts!
But everything always works out in the end. Of course, it is a continuous process. Sometimes everything’s up, other times it’s all down. It’s not all positive, sometimes negative things happen. It’s Yin and Yang. It’s all about balance, and the point is to continue. We should be thankful for what we have despite all the consequences. If everything is perfect for a single person, it would be difficult to find joy in the beauty of what’s infront of us. For me, true appreciation comes from the experience of loss or of not having.
Hmmmm. I did modelling for 3 years, but I quit back in May due to personal reasons. Anyway. I still look the same, -not trying to be cocky but I believe I am good looking- but all the attention I used to get from people who knew I was a model seem to have disappeared. There’s that too.. You know what I mean.
Reading this article had me walk down memory lane. I remember that a part of my teenage years were that of being constantly in front of the mirror, looking at my face and hoping to grow up being beautiful one day. I have read fairy tales countless times and I would always picture myself as the beautiful princess. I never knew that it is also tough to be a pretty face. It might have been actually hard for some of them, too. So then, is it a blessing for me not to have a modelesque beauty? I wouldn’t have complained if I was given one to go with my beautiful heart. 🙂
Nice article, it’s refreshing to see things from the point of view of a model beauty like yourself. Us normal folks usually think that being beautiful makes life easier, but apparently not….
That’s what they want you to believe. Don’t drink the Kool-Aid! It is MUCH worse to be ignored and/or ridiculed. Noticing that many men actually don’t line talking to you. Of course money & beauty help make life easier!! Stress and fights are always about when money’s tight, and unattractiveness causes stress because of the low self-esteem! The happiest guy I know is wealthy and handsome!! And his beautiful mom got to social climb and marry rich BECA– USE she is beautiful! Wake up sheeple!!