I’m a model. I mean, I’m a writer, but I’m also a model. So I know what I’m talking about when I say that, along with all the benefits (like having an easier time getting into nightclubs and finding casual sex, I suppose, if that’s what you’re into), there are also a lot of negatives that come along with the package of ‘being beautiful’. And please, don’t hate me because I’m A) beautiful, or B) complaining about it (yeah, I know it may be hard)…
Reason #1: It makes dating harder. Yes, you heard right. I’ll explain why. When men see a woman that looks like a model, far too many of them see her as an object. I can only partially blame them for this, since society hammers it into our heads with objectifying ads and misogynistic porn. Hence, these men see ‘hot girls’ as something to possess and show off. They don’t really spend a lot of time trying to get to know her as a person, because for many men, beauty is enough.
But wait — that actually really sucks for us pretty girls. Really. Because when a man wants to possess you, he often pretends to be whatever you want… until he gets tired of pretending. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten my hopes up and ended up with “Wow, he turned out to be a giant a-hole… but I really thought he was suuucch a nice guy! I don’t know what happened??” It’s because either he could only fake it for so long, or he moved on to another ‘hot girl’. We are, after all, pretty much interchangeable when looked at purely from a superficial perspective.
Reason #2: People assume I’m not going to have anything interesting to say. When I start talking, articulately, about gender issues or politics, it’s often hard for them to hold in their surprise. I guess they think I spend all day doing my nails, reading watching beauty blogs vlogs, and hanging with my peeps at the gym. Uhm, not quite.
Reason #3: Women hate me for no good reason. It’s hard to make girlfriends, and really easy to make frenemies. When you’re the ‘hot girl’, women don’t want to be around you because they’re been brainwashed (by Disney! let that blow your mind!) into thinking that life is a big competition between women for men. News flash: if a guy wants me instead of you, then he was never really yours (and I certainly don’t want the jerk!). Alternatively, far too many women do want to be around you, just to get close to you and hurt you, which somehow props up their own ego.
Reason #4: Aside from having a hard time finding men who want us for our inner beauty, I recently discovered that there are also major downsides to being beautiful at work. A recent study* observed what happened when job-seekers attached their headshot to their resume, and how prospective employers reacted to what they saw. The study involved the sending of fictitious applications to around 2,500 real job vacancies, where every position was sent two similar resumes with contrasting photos.
The study found that the good-looking men had better chances of getting employed than the ugly; however, this resulted in the opposite for the women. The good looking ladies were far less likely to be offered a job and needed to send out an average of eleven resumes to various firms before being invited by one for an interview. Ruffle calls this “the dumb-blonde hypothesis,” or the general misconception that beautiful women are stupid.
A related opinion piece, by The Daily Mail writer Samantha Brick, had another theory why this is happening: “that other women hate me for no other reason than my lovely looks.” Brick says she was often dropped by friends at dinners out because they felt threatened by the fact that she was in the presence of their other halves, adding that “if their partners dared to actually talk to me, a sudden chill would descend on the room.” At work, Brick was once called to the office for her manner of dress (which she felt was conservative) and told that she was distracting her male colleagues.
Now, I know that Urbanette readers are way too confident and empowered to hate on the ‘hot girl’, but if you ever catch yourself wavering, try to remember that we all have our challenges, and nobody’s life is perfect. We live in a double-standard society, and no matter how much we say that human behavior and thinking has evolved to become more accepting and open-minded than ever, discrimination remains.
Beauty or beast (by society’s standards, of course), everybody has a cross to bear.
I have a friend with the similar problem like yours. She said that guys don’t want to take her seriously. She’s been in relationships where she’s always the one who’re getting dumped. I know his boyfriend because they are in a relationship for three months and i find him a little bit an a-hole sometimes. We are always talking about his boyfriend and the way he’s treating her now They were in a good start and i can see that he loves her so much but for the past weeks she feels that she’s just being used. I said that they should talk about it and i’ll always be here for her.
Women need a man to care for her,respect her like she’s his mother and love her. I’m always telling my son that in the future when he grow up and find a girlfriend, always respect her like i am her. I’m always reminding him that he should also bring her to our house and introduce her to me. I’m also believing that you will never truly meet the real attitude of the person if you are still not living together, living under one roof. They should stop acting like that and be serious.
yes i have to agree that when men find beautiful girls(hot chicks for them) they just see and used them as an object to show off to their friends. I know this because I’ve talked about it to some of the guys i know. A lot of men prefer dating beautiful and hot women because it will surely make them cool, like they’re wearing suit and tie. Men have more pride than women. I’m not a men-basher but that’s what i hate about them, their cockiness.
Yep! That’s why I went for the implants. Because at least I have that in contrast to a plain Jane face.
Most people have NO idea the horrors of being a beautiful woman. for some of us you get NOTHING in life…why? EVERYONE ELSE’S JEALOUSY. people say beautiful women are a pain because they are so jealous of them they NEED a way to put them down
You got a good point here but there’s another side to this. When you are constantly being told that you are cute/ pretty/beautiful – naturally it’s going to go to your head.The constant attention makes you feel powerful especially with men, but if you’re not careful it’s a double edge sword.The sense of entitlement & advantage you have over others is intoxicating ,and if not handled right can put you in a very lonely place. You need more then beauty to make it in this world.
Yes ma’am! Many — not all, but many — are conceited and horrible. And too good to talk to people or say hello or even say hi back. The best is when it’s under the convenient guise of “introversion” or “shyness”. Ha! A/k/a ‘I will only talk to the people whom I deem worthy’.
I agree, I consider my self a hot chick and I had this problems dating man less attractive than me, I think I am very sweet, caring and faithful, and at the end I got my heart broken cause of reasons said in this article.
I completely agree! Can the next story be about the 10 pitfalls of men who objectify women and who try to use their money to sleep with women who are far more attractive than they are?
It works for them though. Look at Trump’s wife.
All my life people have made a fuss about my “natural beauty” and how I look like a mix between Grace Kelly, Marilyn Monroe and a Young Katharine Hepburn. But I can’t say it has ever made people not like me. I am not smug (despite the above statement). I have met women who I have thought were sickeningly beautiful, but they usually had beautiful natures, which made it impossible not to like them. At the end of the day physical appearance may draw attention, but it’s personality that keeps people’s attentions.
I’m not as beautiful as you, but I’m one of the better looking girls in my circle, so I know that there is no doubt that there are catty, jealous and insecure women, and I have had my share of jealous girlfriends/acquaintances in the past but I have had more female friends who are comfortable being around me because of my warm and welcoming personality. 🙂
I’ve been both “ugly” and beautiful in the span of 10-12 years in my development. I still have photos from before and after…I swear to god I look like I could be in one of those ‘don’t judge me challenge” videos if I were to seriously post old videos of myself at specific ages to now. I’ve had like 2-3 awkward periods in my teen years to now where I just did not care or let myself go so bad(I have had severe hyperpigmentation-it’s all gone now though but it made me look horrible unless I wore makeup before 17 y.o.). So I DO KNOW EXACTLY what is means to be seen both ways as a woman.
Me too.