I’m a model. I mean, I’m a writer, but I’m also a model. So I know what I’m talking about when I say that, along with all the benefits (like having an easier time getting into nightclubs and finding casual sex, I suppose, if that’s what you’re into), there are also a lot of negatives that come along with the package of ‘being beautiful’. And please, don’t hate me because I’m A) beautiful, or B) complaining about it (yeah, I know it may be hard)…
Reason #1: It makes dating harder. Yes, you heard right. I’ll explain why. When men see a woman that looks like a model, far too many of them see her as an object. I can only partially blame them for this, since society hammers it into our heads with objectifying ads and misogynistic porn. Hence, these men see ‘hot girls’ as something to possess and show off. They don’t really spend a lot of time trying to get to know her as a person, because for many men, beauty is enough.
But wait — that actually really sucks for us pretty girls. Really. Because when a man wants to possess you, he often pretends to be whatever you want… until he gets tired of pretending. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten my hopes up and ended up with “Wow, he turned out to be a giant a-hole… but I really thought he was suuucch a nice guy! I don’t know what happened??” It’s because either he could only fake it for so long, or he moved on to another ‘hot girl’. We are, after all, pretty much interchangeable when looked at purely from a superficial perspective.
Reason #2: People assume I’m not going to have anything interesting to say. When I start talking, articulately, about gender issues or politics, it’s often hard for them to hold in their surprise. I guess they think I spend all day doing my nails, reading watching beauty blogs vlogs, and hanging with my peeps at the gym. Uhm, not quite.
Reason #3: Women hate me for no good reason. It’s hard to make girlfriends, and really easy to make frenemies. When you’re the ‘hot girl’, women don’t want to be around you because they’re been brainwashed (by Disney! let that blow your mind!) into thinking that life is a big competition between women for men. News flash: if a guy wants me instead of you, then he was never really yours (and I certainly don’t want the jerk!). Alternatively, far too many women do want to be around you, just to get close to you and hurt you, which somehow props up their own ego.
Reason #4: Aside from having a hard time finding men who want us for our inner beauty, I recently discovered that there are also major downsides to being beautiful at work. A recent study* observed what happened when job-seekers attached their headshot to their resume, and how prospective employers reacted to what they saw. The study involved the sending of fictitious applications to around 2,500 real job vacancies, where every position was sent two similar resumes with contrasting photos.
The study found that the good-looking men had better chances of getting employed than the ugly; however, this resulted in the opposite for the women. The good looking ladies were far less likely to be offered a job and needed to send out an average of eleven resumes to various firms before being invited by one for an interview. Ruffle calls this “the dumb-blonde hypothesis,” or the general misconception that beautiful women are stupid.
A related opinion piece, by The Daily Mail writer Samantha Brick, had another theory why this is happening: “that other women hate me for no other reason than my lovely looks.” Brick says she was often dropped by friends at dinners out because they felt threatened by the fact that she was in the presence of their other halves, adding that “if their partners dared to actually talk to me, a sudden chill would descend on the room.” At work, Brick was once called to the office for her manner of dress (which she felt was conservative) and told that she was distracting her male colleagues.
Now, I know that Urbanette readers are way too confident and empowered to hate on the ‘hot girl’, but if you ever catch yourself wavering, try to remember that we all have our challenges, and nobody’s life is perfect. We live in a double-standard society, and no matter how much we say that human behavior and thinking has evolved to become more accepting and open-minded than ever, discrimination remains.
Beauty or beast (by society’s standards, of course), everybody has a cross to bear.
Pretty girls that say they are rarely approached don’t know the other side of the coin. Ask an average woman and a pretty woman how often they are approached in a month…you’ll see.
Another issue not discussed here, which is very important; is leagues. Most younger people shoot out of their leagues for many years. Unfortunately, we don’t determine our own leagues, the public in general does. Water finds it’s own level, and the process can be painful.
Amen.
great post! there is a downside to everything.
We all know about the benefits of being beautiful, it’s easy to forget the pitfalls.. We admire it and defer to it, but sometimes we have to defend ourselves against it. But that’s my opinion anyway.
When people are thinking about love they automatically ignore attractive members of the opposite sex, probably to protect their feelings about their long-term partners.
When employers are making a decision about someone of the same sex, they can let their jealousy get the better of them… Happened to me before.
I really hate people who are always judgmental. A woman who is perceived as both beautiful and smart will definitely threaten many people.Which is why if they think that you are threatening they will avoid you and get jealous of you. Other people saying that women just need to shut up and just be pretty. There are so many hot ladies who are fiercely intelligent. I think that the reason that guys who ask why hot girls are so dumb are, themselves, dumb.
Great article and i can see emotions in this post. How did they know that the ones they are saying dumb blonde girls are already dumb if they will not give her a chance? it just meant that they are not doing their job properly and already judging and discriminating a person by their looks.i have to agree that some women are jealous because they think that you always have an advantage in everything. I have a lot of hot girl friends because they are actually cool some of them sarcastic,funny and a whole lot more. I’m not afraid to talk to hot girls i know they will not bite me because they are just like me.
Right! we are all the same,experiencing challenges and problems in our life. If you think that rich people and beautiful people are not encountering and experiencing problems then you are wrong. I really hate that others will instantly judge a good looking person that they are dumb. If i could just read the minds of other people thinking that i’m an empty brainer i will immediately say ‘if you don’t like me, well guess what did you ask me if i like you? i don’t like you either!’ then leave lol. It is so sad to think that some people are just really good at criticizing and discriminating other people.
WOW! i just realized it now that you guys also have a lot of problems. You know i don’t hate beautiful girls because i admire all of you esp those who are not afraid to speak their mind like you. I’m hoping that i’m just a late bloomer and will eventually become a beautiful woman someday haha. Maybe the ones who are criticizing were just jealous because they are not hot and maybe not pretty :D. To all the beautiful and hot girls just ignore them and always stay beautiful. <3
Please don’t talk like that. I know it’s dumb to say that again, but that’s true, you have something beautiful inside you, just find it and don’t ever compare you to other girls, “prettier girls”. The world is big, you will find someone that will believe in your own particular beauty and I hope you will see it too one day !
I totally FEEL YOU! this is a great article and a must read. People will always think that you can’t contribute something in a conversation especially when it’s a serious topic when you are pretty. On the other hand, if you’re going and daring to talk in a conversation they will just mock you and ask you where’d you learned it. People always think that if a woman is pretty the only thing that she’s doing are going on salons getting her hair done and watching movies with men dancing and showing their abs. Well what they’re thinking is super duper wrong and we are more than that.