The Complete Guide: Your Sexual Fantasies - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog

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The Complete Guide: Your Sexual Fantasies

Everything you ever needed to know about your own fantasies, and how to convey them.

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How to Express Your Desires

Even for the most confident and outgoing person, expressing sexual wants can be intimidating. Here are a few tips and tricks to help it go smoothly.

Pick the right time to talk: If you try to bring it up as your partner is dashing off to work, chances are you won’t get anywhere, and you may even end up arguing about it. Introduce the topic when you’re both relaxed and don’t have any other commitments.

The Complete Guide: Your Sexual Fantasies

How to get to YES

Be open and honest: Even if you feel embarrassed and struggle to get your words out at first, stick with it. Say what’s on your mind in straightforward terms and be clear as to whether you’re discussing desires you hope your partner can fulfill or you’re just playfully talking about fantasies you don’t necessarily want to go through with. If you’re discussing fantasies, don’t approach it too seriously—have fun with it.

Be positive: Make sure to use optimistic and constructive words so your partner doesn’t feel criticized. For example, say, “I really love it when you go down on me. That swirly movement you do with your tongue is the best! Do you think you could do that the whole time you’re down there?” Or, “You turn me on so much, I feel like having sex with you all the time. We’ve just been so busy recently and haven’t had as much time as we used to. Do you think we could try to set aside more time for sex?”

The Complete Guide: Your Sexual Fantasies

Dreaming of dressing up like a schoolgirl?

Be patient: Don’t expect your partner to accept and embrace your desires and fantasies right away. If he reacts negatively, explain that you don’t expect him to want the same thing, but that you wanted to share your thoughts and feelings. Then leave it alone for a while and try to broach the topic again a few weeks later. Or your partner might be the one to bring it up again after thinking about it for a while.

Respect your partner’s wishes: If you’ve always wanted to have sex in a public place or a threesome with two guys but your partner says there’s no way he’d ever consider it, you might simply have to accept that some of your sexual dreams can’t be fulfilled. And while fantasies like threesomes, orgies, and watching your partner have sex with someone else can be a huge turn-on, going through with them could seriously hurt your relationship. Sometimes fantasies are better left in the realm of the imagination. Why not explore them verbally with your partner while having sex? The mind is a powerful thing, and discussing your wildest imaginations can be just as satisfying as bringing them to life.

Have an open mind: Now that you’ve expressed your desires and fantasies, you have to be prepared to listen to your partner’s. You might be pleasantly surprised to hear that you’re on the same wavelength, but you could also be shocked by what your partner has to say. If so, try not to get upset or angry, and be honest about how you feel. Attempt to keep an open mind and take the time to think about what your partner has said.

Compromise: If you and your partner’s desires and fantasies diverge, try to arrive at a compromise. For example, if you like a little more variety than your partner does when it comes to sexual positions, agree to try a new position each month. Or if your partner would like to experiment with light bondage but you don’t feel comfortable being restrained with handcuffs, suggest using silk scarves.

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Sabrina is the author of 'A Fantastic Sex Life… And How to Get It!' Her work has been published in numerous print magazines and websites, including Women’s Fitness, Men’s Fitness, Men’s Health, AskMen.com, Good Health, Australian Women’s Weekly, body+soul, Runner’s World, Kidspot, ninemsn Health & Wellbeing, FHM (monthly “Ask Sabrina” column), MAXIM, Ralph, Eat Fit and ZOO Weekly.

Reader Discussion: 124 Comments

  1. Tracey Pierce

    It’s true. It’s okay to tell your partner about your fantasies, but there are things that you shouldn’t tell them. If you know that your fantasy involves another character, make it a secret because it might hurt your partner.

  2. Marie Hunt

    I have an open mind, but sometimes, it’s hard to accept what they are wishing. IT takes time, especially if you know that your wish is hard to give. ?

  3. Jimmy Coleman

    I tried having the threesome with my best friend, and his girlfriend, I don’t have a best friend anymore, but I have a wife. Lol

    • ??‍♀️?excellent

    • Nina Price

      Haha! So your best friend’s girlfriend that time is your wife?

  4. Thomas Ramirez

    I will share this article with my wife because we are having a hard time in our sexy time, and if I can feel that we should have the connection to talk about stuff like this one.

  5. Tonya Logan

    My boyfriend asked me if it’s okay with me to have a threesome. I was thinking of that too, but he wanted to do it with another girl, but I like it with a guy? How’s that?

  6. Sherry Wilson

    It’s hard to tell your sexual fantasies because you might get rejected, but it’s worth taking the risk.

    • Agnes Wilkins

      Yeah, I tried telling my wife and all I got is a slap in my face. Lol ?

  7. Alberta Richardson

    Your articles are getting more interesting each day. I love it! Keep posting stuff like this! ?

  8. Angelica Leonard

    Men’s sexual fantasies are harder that women’s fantasies. My boyfriend’s fantasies are much harder than what I thought, but it’s okay as long as he is happy.

  9. Mindy Morris

    I will try to make a list of my “needs” “desire” and “Fantasies”, I think it’s a great thing to do to know what’s on our mind.

  10. Ashley Phelps

    I tried to be honest, but he just keeps on rejecting me. I don’t know, I want to survive our sexual relationship, but I think he wants it that way.

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