The Complete Guide: Your Sexual Fantasies - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog


The Complete Guide: Your Sexual Fantasies

Everything you ever needed to know about your own fantasies, and how to convey them.

The Complete Guide: Your Sexual Fantasies

Tell him while you’re getting down and dirty

How Much Sharing Is Too Much?

When it comes to fantasies, should you tell your partner everything? That’s up to you, but it can be a good idea to keep some things to yourself. If you’ve been fantasizing about the new neighbor or your partner’s best friend, you might not want to share that information—it’s a little too close to home and could hurt your partner or breed jealousy and suspicion. Having a nameless, faceless fantasy is one thing, but lusting after an attainable person is a whole other ballgame. Likewise, if some of your fantasies err on the dark side, use your judgment to determine whether it’s worth totally freaking your partner out.

Some couples have very open lines of communication and share every last detail—more power to you if that’s the case and you’re both happy with it. But keeping some information to yourself is probably the way to go for most relationships—it’s not dishonesty, but rather maintaining a little privacy and mystery.


Acting Out Your Fantasies

The Complete Guide: Your Sexual Fantasies

Want to be tied up and masturbated?

You’ve shared your wildest fantasy with your partner, and he’s willing to give it a whirl. So…now what? To ensure a positive experience for both of you, agree on the boundaries you’re both comfortable with before you get started. If you’d like to try a little rough play, find out how far each of you is willing to take it. While some gentle spanking might be fine, biting could be off-limits.

If you’re treading into role-playing territory, you might also want to choose a “safe word.” This is a word you wouldn’t normally say during sex, such as “elephant,” which indicates to your partner that you want them to stop what they’re doing. “No” and “stop” are bad safe words, as your “character” might say them as part of role-playing without really meaning them—as in, “No, Mr. Officer, I am not wearing any underwear.” You can also use words like “green” to mean “OK” or “harder,” yellow to mean “slow down” or “stop that action,” and “red” to mean “stop the scene.”

For any non-role-playing fantasies, open communication throughout is your best bet. Ask your partner how he’s feeling, if he’s enjoying it, and if he’d like you to do anything differently. Once you’ve ensured he’s having a good time, relax and enjoy the ride. After it’s all said and done, debrief together. Ask your partner what he liked and didn’t like, and tell him how you felt too. Hopefully it was a fun, exciting experience for both of you and you’ve expanded your sexual repertoire. If it was less than stellar for either one of you, decide whether you’re both willing to try it again in the future or whether it’s one for the history books.


Doll photos by Jamie Peters

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Sabrina is the author of 'A Fantastic Sex Life… And How to Get It!' Her work has been published in numerous print magazines and websites, including Women’s Fitness, Men’s Fitness, Men’s Health,, Good Health, Australian Women’s Weekly, body+soul, Runner’s World, Kidspot, ninemsn Health & Wellbeing, FHM (monthly “Ask Sabrina” column), MAXIM, Ralph, Eat Fit and ZOO Weekly.

Reader Discussion: 124 Comments

  1. Tracey Pierce

    It’s true. It’s okay to tell your partner about your fantasies, but there are things that you shouldn’t tell them. If you know that your fantasy involves another character, make it a secret because it might hurt your partner.

  2. Marie Hunt

    I have an open mind, but sometimes, it’s hard to accept what they are wishing. IT takes time, especially if you know that your wish is hard to give. ?

  3. Jimmy Coleman

    I tried having the threesome with my best friend, and his girlfriend, I don’t have a best friend anymore, but I have a wife. Lol

    • ??‍♀️?excellent

    • Nina Price

      Haha! So your best friend’s girlfriend that time is your wife?

  4. Thomas Ramirez

    I will share this article with my wife because we are having a hard time in our sexy time, and if I can feel that we should have the connection to talk about stuff like this one.

  5. Tonya Logan

    My boyfriend asked me if it’s okay with me to have a threesome. I was thinking of that too, but he wanted to do it with another girl, but I like it with a guy? How’s that?

  6. Sherry Wilson

    It’s hard to tell your sexual fantasies because you might get rejected, but it’s worth taking the risk.

    • Agnes Wilkins

      Yeah, I tried telling my wife and all I got is a slap in my face. Lol ?

  7. Alberta Richardson

    Your articles are getting more interesting each day. I love it! Keep posting stuff like this! ?

  8. Angelica Leonard

    Men’s sexual fantasies are harder that women’s fantasies. My boyfriend’s fantasies are much harder than what I thought, but it’s okay as long as he is happy.

  9. Mindy Morris

    I will try to make a list of my “needs” “desire” and “Fantasies”, I think it’s a great thing to do to know what’s on our mind.

  10. Ashley Phelps

    I tried to be honest, but he just keeps on rejecting me. I don’t know, I want to survive our sexual relationship, but I think he wants it that way.

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