In high school I had this delusional criteria of the perfect boyfriend- a rich kid who could manage to take me to dinners at the fanciest restaurants; a jock who’d make me the envy of all the other girls; and a bad boy with a heart of gold and a gentleman’s touch who’d sweep me off my feet and melt my heart. I was young and incredibly shallow.
A few epiphany-inducing lectures in philosophy, sociology and literature in college changed my perspective of what boyfriend material is. Back then, I wanted my boyfriend to be an intellectual, and of course, he had to have wit, charm, and looks…
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who deviated from the norm of strictly adhering to standards. I’ve heard of stories about women foregoing the ‘better catch’ simply because they’ve found the man they want to spend the rest of their lives with. The ‘better catch’ may have been financially stable or better looking. He may have possessed a stellar career and reputation. So why would you settle for anything ‘less’?
Why would a woman go for the average Joe when she could go home with the next big thing?
Simple, really.
Many people begin their quest for their lifetime partner in a naive fashion similar to my teenage experience. Others unconsciously do the same. But don’t get me wrong, though. A standard is there to weed out the bad and reveal the good. In fact, it’s the starting point. When you meet someone that doesn’t conform to your set of standards, you hesitate at first, thinking that he’s not for you.
If he’s successful in getting your attention, you decide on two things: to accept or to reject. Then there’s the third option people like me end up choosing, and that’s to give the relationship a try; or at least a second chance.
As you gradually mature and grow into the relationship, you will find that your set of standards has been evolving and will continuously evolve until the time. It ultimately becomes a mish-mash of characteristics, philosophies, dreams, and values that inevitably hold a higher place over material possessions and good looks.
At some point you may begin to understand that each individual is complex and inherently different from another and that not one person will fit all your ideals.
This is the time when you eventually come to terms with imperfection and the realization that everyone has flaws you have learned to accept. The man that has captured your heart has kept you in his arms simply because he’s himself – no ostentatious dates or extravagant presents. Just him, his tool box, and a box of chocolates and Kleenex on a bad day. There are many like him, it’s just that ladies are too busy giving security passes to “safe” men.
What happened to me is not unique. I met a man who didn’t meet my standards; but what’s special about it is that my relationship with him is one that continues to teach me to be independent without being alone. In the duration of our ongoing relationship, I have learned to be patient and to listen. I learned to appreciate the arts and how to fix, maintain, and repair things around the house. I learned to be humble and to be considerate of others. I learned to admit my mistakes and make up for them. All of these I would not have picked up from someone who had everything I wanted.
Who is my breaker of standards? He doesn’t drive a fancy car. He doesn’t play the piano or the sax. He doesn’t have a trust fund nor the face and body of an Abercrombie and Fitch model. He doesn’t have a butler because he can manage his own schedule and cook his own food. He drives a beat-up Mitsubishi Lancer. He plays the drums. He’s a middle-income earner battling his way to new opportunities. Most importantly, he’s the one who made me realize that standards are merely a set of basic criteria that hinders you from seeing and experiencing something more meaningful.
There’s no consensus on the perfect man, it’s a just a guy you meet who really does rock your socks.
I would say opposite of me because I’m a bubbly social smiley kinda girl so like soft and slow and quiet has very good manners keeps to himself respectful (there is nothing like a classy man-gets me everytime! haha ) (but not shy) introvert but still knows how to hold a conversation one-on-one can communicate well. I’m a chatty girl so if he can chat along with me and listen and talk it makes for great a connection to me! Oh yes, and confident, assertive, and kinda possessive like “you’re mine and I want you with me and I want to be with you” kinda thing compliments me cus I like to give out lots of compliments and is open with me and says if he doesn’t like when I do something so I’ll know not to do those things to make him happy
Hmmm….okay…well he gets my practically non existent sense of humor aka a little sarcasm + cheesy jokes. He is friendly and easy to talk to. He is good at speaking whats on his mind/what he needs to talk about, he is nice, dependable, thoughtful….laid back, affectionate….has similar morals and values to me….thats all that quickly comes to mind!!
An individual who is perfectly at home with who and what he is. Aware of strengths and weaknesses. The pros and cons within him. A man who does not give one single whit about whether or not anyone thinks he is an ideal man…except for that person he chooses to love.
Someone who aspire to be better person but understands that he isn’t perfect and should accept himself and not require from others to fill those inadequacies.
A man is someone who takes care of their responsibilities. It is as simple as that actually. They understand that their actions have consequences. Knowing that, they take their commits seriously (be it their job, marriage, children, ect). A man doesn’t allow himself to be broken by setbacks because he knows there are people who depend on his strength; perseverance is a major theme in his life. Another theme is that of compassion, because part of his responsibility is to love and care for the people that are close to him.
A perfect man comes from no ideal standard of looks. A perfect man is, to me, someone who makes the world or people better. This is hard to describe, but a perfect man is someone who has a beautiful soul and is nice and kind-hearted, but also has an inner strength. A perfect man does not put people down or bully others and can see the beauty of everyone around them and knows that no one is perfect including himself. A perfect man does not care about whether or not he is the perfect man, but whether or not this man actually exists, I don’t know, but I am willing to hope that he does.
Hygienic, smells good, taller but not by too much, dark hair, short and neat facial hair, a similar age to me, slim but a little muscular, only a little bit of body hair, nice eyes, nice smile, voice on the deeper side, good dress sense, tan skin, nice jawline. But these are just the ideal characteristics. In reality, I’d date any guy as long as I liked their personality, was attracted to them, and they had good hygiene and took care of themselves.
Intelligent, chill, egalitarian, a little snarky, a bit taller and more robust that I am, a total nerd, and content to simply spend time together even if we don’t have much money. So basically my wonderful boyfriend.
About a year and a half ago I posted on a blog about how I found tall, nerdy white guys really attractive. A few months later, I met a tall, nerdy white guy and we’ve been together for over a year now. He is exactly my type.