In high school I had this delusional criteria of the perfect boyfriend- a rich kid who could manage to take me to dinners at the fanciest restaurants; a jock who’d make me the envy of all the other girls; and a bad boy with a heart of gold and a gentleman’s touch who’d sweep me off my feet and melt my heart. I was young and incredibly shallow.
A few epiphany-inducing lectures in philosophy, sociology and literature in college changed my perspective of what boyfriend material is. Back then, I wanted my boyfriend to be an intellectual, and of course, he had to have wit, charm, and looks…
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who deviated from the norm of strictly adhering to standards. I’ve heard of stories about women foregoing the ‘better catch’ simply because they’ve found the man they want to spend the rest of their lives with. The ‘better catch’ may have been financially stable or better looking. He may have possessed a stellar career and reputation. So why would you settle for anything ‘less’?
Why would a woman go for the average Joe when she could go home with the next big thing?
Simple, really.
Many people begin their quest for their lifetime partner in a naive fashion similar to my teenage experience. Others unconsciously do the same. But don’t get me wrong, though. A standard is there to weed out the bad and reveal the good. In fact, it’s the starting point. When you meet someone that doesn’t conform to your set of standards, you hesitate at first, thinking that he’s not for you.
If he’s successful in getting your attention, you decide on two things: to accept or to reject. Then there’s the third option people like me end up choosing, and that’s to give the relationship a try; or at least a second chance.
As you gradually mature and grow into the relationship, you will find that your set of standards has been evolving and will continuously evolve until the time. It ultimately becomes a mish-mash of characteristics, philosophies, dreams, and values that inevitably hold a higher place over material possessions and good looks.
At some point you may begin to understand that each individual is complex and inherently different from another and that not one person will fit all your ideals.
This is the time when you eventually come to terms with imperfection and the realization that everyone has flaws you have learned to accept. The man that has captured your heart has kept you in his arms simply because he’s himself – no ostentatious dates or extravagant presents. Just him, his tool box, and a box of chocolates and Kleenex on a bad day. There are many like him, it’s just that ladies are too busy giving security passes to “safe” men.
What happened to me is not unique. I met a man who didn’t meet my standards; but what’s special about it is that my relationship with him is one that continues to teach me to be independent without being alone. In the duration of our ongoing relationship, I have learned to be patient and to listen. I learned to appreciate the arts and how to fix, maintain, and repair things around the house. I learned to be humble and to be considerate of others. I learned to admit my mistakes and make up for them. All of these I would not have picked up from someone who had everything I wanted.
Who is my breaker of standards? He doesn’t drive a fancy car. He doesn’t play the piano or the sax. He doesn’t have a trust fund nor the face and body of an Abercrombie and Fitch model. He doesn’t have a butler because he can manage his own schedule and cook his own food. He drives a beat-up Mitsubishi Lancer. He plays the drums. He’s a middle-income earner battling his way to new opportunities. Most importantly, he’s the one who made me realize that standards are merely a set of basic criteria that hinders you from seeing and experiencing something more meaningful.
Monogamous, bottom, smoke/drug/HIV free, between 23 and 45, has a job. Easier to find life on Mars.
Majority of the time I like brunettes, only blonde guy I’m in love with is Chris Hemsworth. So brown hair, great humour, friendly to everyone and can strike up a conversation with anyone. He’s a charming guy, great smile, nice bum, intelligent, eager to learn, isn’t afraid to be a goof and have fun, enjoys the simple things in life, is a great listener and is supportive in my thoughts. He is a few inches taller than me and scrawny/lanky and loves dogs as much as me! So basically, my SO, except he isn’t scrawny. I got lucky haha.
Someone who is really passionate about something- doesn’t matter what it is. I love listening to guys talk about things they’re interested in (but it’s nice to have him ask me questions about stuff I like too). Also if he likes to play video games with me or is really good at an instrument, that’s a huge plus. I honestly don’t care what a guy looks like at all. Personality is what does it for me. However I do have a thing for guys with dark, slightly messy hair 🙂
Tall, brown or dark haired, driven, funny, kind, genuine and being able to play a musical instrument always helps.
I like guys who are funny and outgoing and nice. I also like them to be motivated to improve themselves whether it be in the gym, or by going to school, or if it be anything in their personal lives. Someone who isn’t a pushover, because I can be stubborn and try to get my way. I like tall, fit guys with broad shoulders, but I’ve also dated guys who are my height and skinny, so I’m not too picky. I put a lot of importance in being healthy and working out, so that’s also something I look for in a guy.
I don’t really have any physical requirements, I find a lot of different features attractive. I do have some personality requirements though, they have to have a good sense of humor and not take things too seriously. I say a lot of vulgar/dark shit so if someone gets offended by that it’s an immediate no. We have to have similar hobbies and mutual movies/shows/games we like.
Tall, well proportioned, head full of dark hair, smiling eyes, clean and nice hands, charismatic, smart, funny, kind, hardworking, earnest, someone who doesn’t care of what people might think of him.
It’s kind of hard to explain, but my ‘type’ is guys who are clever, fun, witty, kind, ambitious, open-minded, but not philosophers or tortured poets. This is also probably true for my circle of closest friends. I can appreciate those people and their struggles and musings, we can have interesting conversations, but while I’ve had a lot of drama in my life, it’s just not something I enjoy, if that makes sense? Tell me it makes sense.:) Never been a fan of the ‘bad boy/jerk with a heart of gold’ trope either. I recently realized that I quite like humans with high cheekbones and Nordic fair hair/blue eyes combo, but it’s not really a type, just something that will probably get my attention.
First of all I want a guy who makes me laugh. I like a genuinely funny guy, not a dad jokes kinda guy but a guy who’s quick-witted and hilarious. I want somebody curious, open-minded and interested in discovering what interests me. Basically I want to be with someone I can have deep conversations with, as well as a good laugh. I want someone sweet and genuinely nice to other people. Physically : tall, a nice tan, blue eyes, nice muscle definition on the arms, back and abs (yes I’m shallow like that).
As far as phisically, tall, chubby, with longer hair. Beards are bonus points, but not a must. Aside from that, musically talented, caring, a good cook, and always down to cuddle.