In high school I had this delusional criteria of the perfect boyfriend- a rich kid who could manage to take me to dinners at the fanciest restaurants; a jock who’d make me the envy of all the other girls; and a bad boy with a heart of gold and a gentleman’s touch who’d sweep me off my feet and melt my heart. I was young and incredibly shallow.
A few epiphany-inducing lectures in philosophy, sociology and literature in college changed my perspective of what boyfriend material is. Back then, I wanted my boyfriend to be an intellectual, and of course, he had to have wit, charm, and looks…
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who deviated from the norm of strictly adhering to standards. I’ve heard of stories about women foregoing the ‘better catch’ simply because they’ve found the man they want to spend the rest of their lives with. The ‘better catch’ may have been financially stable or better looking. He may have possessed a stellar career and reputation. So why would you settle for anything ‘less’?
Why would a woman go for the average Joe when she could go home with the next big thing?
Simple, really.
Many people begin their quest for their lifetime partner in a naive fashion similar to my teenage experience. Others unconsciously do the same. But don’t get me wrong, though. A standard is there to weed out the bad and reveal the good. In fact, it’s the starting point. When you meet someone that doesn’t conform to your set of standards, you hesitate at first, thinking that he’s not for you.
If he’s successful in getting your attention, you decide on two things: to accept or to reject. Then there’s the third option people like me end up choosing, and that’s to give the relationship a try; or at least a second chance.
As you gradually mature and grow into the relationship, you will find that your set of standards has been evolving and will continuously evolve until the time. It ultimately becomes a mish-mash of characteristics, philosophies, dreams, and values that inevitably hold a higher place over material possessions and good looks.
At some point you may begin to understand that each individual is complex and inherently different from another and that not one person will fit all your ideals.
This is the time when you eventually come to terms with imperfection and the realization that everyone has flaws you have learned to accept. The man that has captured your heart has kept you in his arms simply because he’s himself – no ostentatious dates or extravagant presents. Just him, his tool box, and a box of chocolates and Kleenex on a bad day. There are many like him, it’s just that ladies are too busy giving security passes to “safe” men.
What happened to me is not unique. I met a man who didn’t meet my standards; but what’s special about it is that my relationship with him is one that continues to teach me to be independent without being alone. In the duration of our ongoing relationship, I have learned to be patient and to listen. I learned to appreciate the arts and how to fix, maintain, and repair things around the house. I learned to be humble and to be considerate of others. I learned to admit my mistakes and make up for them. All of these I would not have picked up from someone who had everything I wanted.
Who is my breaker of standards? He doesn’t drive a fancy car. He doesn’t play the piano or the sax. He doesn’t have a trust fund nor the face and body of an Abercrombie and Fitch model. He doesn’t have a butler because he can manage his own schedule and cook his own food. He drives a beat-up Mitsubishi Lancer. He plays the drums. He’s a middle-income earner battling his way to new opportunities. Most importantly, he’s the one who made me realize that standards are merely a set of basic criteria that hinders you from seeing and experiencing something more meaningful.
I just want a good person. Whom I have chemistry with. Shorter than me, taller than me, white, black, Hispanic, asian, red head, brunette, blonde, skinny, muscular, fat etc — I really don’t care. I can appreciate all the different kinds of men life offers so as long as I find him personally attractive, I don’t care what he looks like.
I can’t speak on the physical because life has shown me, time and time again, that it’s about the person and who they are deep down. Their personality. Do I have preferences? Sure, but really, when I envision my dream guy, I don’t really envision someone in the physical sense. I just see a good person who meshes well with my lifestyle and personality. I prefer someone smart. Someone loyal and responsible. Maturity is a big thing for me and most men my age are far from that. So finding a mature man would be a delight. He has to be overwhelmingly liberal in most, if not all aspects of his life. I can’t be with someone who is not a liberal/progressive thinker.
The ideal man does not exist, that’s why it’s so hard to describe him. You like someone, you go out, it doesn’t work out, you break up. He wasn’t the ideal person for you.
Someone who’s a lot of fun and makes me laugh not that romantic(i don’t like overly cuddly, smothering guys) but can be occasionally spontaneous with it…aka romantic surprises….
Trusts me and doesn’t get grumpy because i’m so independent which has happened quite a few times.
To just enjoy their company.
A lot of guys with ADHD i found fit this category 🙂
he doesn’t take himself too seriously. guys that think they’re the serious ones and girls just don’t understand anything really aggravate me. guys that are too stubborn also aggravate me must be able to open their minds to other thoughts/things.
Tall, dark, slim, handsome, a smile that makes me go weak at the knees, baby face.
He is intelligent, but he isn’t obvious about it. He is passionate and ambitious, like me.
He is funny and playful, and has a bad-boy air about him.
He makes me laugh, and my ideal man also laughs at me. (In a good way)!
He tries his best to understand me, and whats important to me.
He makes me feel special.
So, not too picky then. =p
He must be taller than me, not hard as im quite small. Lookwise: Dark hair, good dress sense Personality: quick witted, confident, interesting, charming, Kind, patient, enjoys food including cooking, caring but not in a soppy way, able to deal with my strange quirks, able to get my sense of humour as I generally tease people but not in a serious way, able to deal with my sarcasm when im in a bad mood, the ability to give good hugs and the ability to beat me in a play wrestle.
‘He’ has an impeccable geographical and cultural knowledge, dark hair, good teeth (all his own), is precisely 6′ tall and owns a Macbook Pro and is out there somewhere…
I’m fairly flexible and admire uniqueness so I can’t get incredibly specific but…he has to be smart and a natural debater (I love playful arguments)…nice eyes, confident , passionate about his career and me, sense of humor (occasional prankster welcome), has a soft spot for children and animals but is still very masculine.
As long as he’s no John Merrick, I don’t mind about looks. Wierd, but an attractive face to me is one that looks somewhat intelligent, sensible, ever so slightly timid and believe or not, mournful. Smiles are essential though–just not goofy smiling all the time. I suppose if I’m gonna get really shallow, I like darker hair more than fair, but the guy I’ve got my eye on has a sort of ashy-blonde hair colour, so I’m not too fussy thereabouts. I like a tall man, but it’s not essential. Lean or broad are both attractive. This might seem crazy, but I’ve got a thing (I think) about a hairy chest 😀 Personality wise, good humour but seeing as I’m shy, not intimidatingly so. A love of books, and of film. Sensitive but not cowardly. Cultured and with a desire to see the world. Oh and a passion for antiquities! That’s about it!