In high school I had this delusional criteria of the perfect boyfriend- a rich kid who could manage to take me to dinners at the fanciest restaurants; a jock who’d make me the envy of all the other girls; and a bad boy with a heart of gold and a gentleman’s touch who’d sweep me off my feet and melt my heart. I was young and incredibly shallow.
A few epiphany-inducing lectures in philosophy, sociology and literature in college changed my perspective of what boyfriend material is. Back then, I wanted my boyfriend to be an intellectual, and of course, he had to have wit, charm, and looks…
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who deviated from the norm of strictly adhering to standards. I’ve heard of stories about women foregoing the ‘better catch’ simply because they’ve found the man they want to spend the rest of their lives with. The ‘better catch’ may have been financially stable or better looking. He may have possessed a stellar career and reputation. So why would you settle for anything ‘less’?
Why would a woman go for the average Joe when she could go home with the next big thing?
Simple, really.
Many people begin their quest for their lifetime partner in a naive fashion similar to my teenage experience. Others unconsciously do the same. But don’t get me wrong, though. A standard is there to weed out the bad and reveal the good. In fact, it’s the starting point. When you meet someone that doesn’t conform to your set of standards, you hesitate at first, thinking that he’s not for you.
If he’s successful in getting your attention, you decide on two things: to accept or to reject. Then there’s the third option people like me end up choosing, and that’s to give the relationship a try; or at least a second chance.
As you gradually mature and grow into the relationship, you will find that your set of standards has been evolving and will continuously evolve until the time. It ultimately becomes a mish-mash of characteristics, philosophies, dreams, and values that inevitably hold a higher place over material possessions and good looks.
At some point you may begin to understand that each individual is complex and inherently different from another and that not one person will fit all your ideals.
This is the time when you eventually come to terms with imperfection and the realization that everyone has flaws you have learned to accept. The man that has captured your heart has kept you in his arms simply because he’s himself – no ostentatious dates or extravagant presents. Just him, his tool box, and a box of chocolates and Kleenex on a bad day. There are many like him, it’s just that ladies are too busy giving security passes to “safe” men.
What happened to me is not unique. I met a man who didn’t meet my standards; but what’s special about it is that my relationship with him is one that continues to teach me to be independent without being alone. In the duration of our ongoing relationship, I have learned to be patient and to listen. I learned to appreciate the arts and how to fix, maintain, and repair things around the house. I learned to be humble and to be considerate of others. I learned to admit my mistakes and make up for them. All of these I would not have picked up from someone who had everything I wanted.
Who is my breaker of standards? He doesn’t drive a fancy car. He doesn’t play the piano or the sax. He doesn’t have a trust fund nor the face and body of an Abercrombie and Fitch model. He doesn’t have a butler because he can manage his own schedule and cook his own food. He drives a beat-up Mitsubishi Lancer. He plays the drums. He’s a middle-income earner battling his way to new opportunities. Most importantly, he’s the one who made me realize that standards are merely a set of basic criteria that hinders you from seeing and experiencing something more meaningful.
For me, it would be someone:
at least 5.11 in height
narrow eyes,
small-medium lips,
rectangular face
Non-fat body, but not too thin.
Long arms and non-puffy hands.
Clean shaven and prefer no chest hair.
Some glasses are sexy, so like some in glasses.
intelligent (just a little higher than average person), wise, kind, calm under pressure, confident, good mannered-higher class upbringing, romantic, philosophical, aware of others’ feelings, self-aware, intuitive, maybe psychic, a bit spiritual, affectionate, protective, caring, passionate, dependable, mature, understanding, open minded, good listener and also can hold an intelligent conversation, not momma’s boy, independent, with a good-natured sense of humor, partly an introvert with a bit of social side, not overly serious, faithful.
Someone who will stay with me forever and will always fight for me to keep me by their side.
6′-6’4”
well built but not bodybuilder, just athletic
nice defined jawline
makes at least 60k a year
loyal
honest
always decisive and knows how to take charge
hard working, but knows how to manage time to find some for relationship
not obsessive jealous, but can be a bit cute jealous at times
A man who is.. smart, kind, and can make me laugh. loving and understanding. open minded. has good hygiene and is mentally and physically healthy. and I would be especially thrilled if he wanted to have passionate sex with me on an extremely frequent basis. haha.
Ideal? Ok…
– Tall…ideally 6′ or over, but would settle for at least 5’9″
– Big. Not like, majorly obese, but broad shouldered and between 180-260 lbs. I’m not fat but not thin either, and like to feel dainty and feminine when with a man. I want him to wrap his arms around me like a big bear.
– Masculine – physically and personality-wise. NOTHING turns me off like an effeminate man.
– I prefer darker features, or dark features and light eyes.
Other stuff…
Humble but assertive; confident but not cocky.
Not arrogant or self-centered, and definitely not boring.
Chivalrous.
Romantic, but not over the top cheesy about it.
Reliable.
Stable.
Not cheap or money-obsessed.
Tells me how beautiful I am and how much he appreciates me.
Has a decent sex drive.
Open minded, liberal-leaning, and likes to travel.
Likes food and likes to eat.
Perfect to me would be…
Trustworthy
Reliable
Very smart…I want him to teach me things I don’t know already.
Funny, goofy, silly
Tall….over 5’9
Compassionate
Loving
Kind but not a pushover
He’ll have to love my children also obviously
Affectionate-this is very important as well as having high sexual desires
Must be independent and into his own things as well
Idc much about hair but no long hair or Mullets lol
he doesn’t have to be in GREAT physical shape, but not fat, and no moobs. I appreciate a cute face with laugh lines and bright, passionate eyes. height definitely negotiable…but I don’t know about shorter than me (5’5). as for non-physical characteristics, confidence is a MUST. confidence includes the ability to let rejection/negativity roll off of you because you have the experience under your belt to not sweat the small stuff. it means having a circle of friends and a full life of your own, not looking for some woman to magically complete you. having your own passions, hobbies, and goals that you talk about with a sparkle in your eye. someone I have to win over by proving that i’m awesome, too. someone who takes things slow physically (of his own volition) and knows 90% of foreplay is the conversation and teasing that happens when conversing with someone. an unselfish lover, who appreciates my unselfishness, too. someone who’s honest, but not to a fault. someone who wholly respects me, but knows how to make me feel like a woman and enjoys me making him feel like a man…
My ideal guy would be similar to me in terms of personality, so fairly quiet and shy, kind hearted, thoughtful. I would like a guy to be fairly intelligent, so we could talk about anything on a decent level. I’d like a guy who prefers to spend weekends going to nice places, being outdoors, going for meals out as opposed to going out on the lash on a regular basis. A shared interest in sport/ keep fit would be a bonus too. Those are the most important ones for me…
My ultimate specific fantasy man, not that I’m ever gonna find him, is tall, slim (athletic but not puny), a tree-surgeon or gardener by day, a musician by night, gentle and quiet (but not too quiet), lives on a narrow boat, loves cats and dogs, arty, a dreamer, has the same taste as me in books and films, accepts and adores me for who I am, and whom I equally accept and adore.
Physical chemistry. Emotional maturity/emotional intelligence. Don’t take themselves or the world too seriously. Got to have things in common/the sharing of everyday pleasures. Good taste in music, or at least be passionate about music. I know it shouldn’t matter but naff taste in music just turns me off.