In high school I had this delusional criteria of the perfect boyfriend- a rich kid who could manage to take me to dinners at the fanciest restaurants; a jock who’d make me the envy of all the other girls; and a bad boy with a heart of gold and a gentleman’s touch who’d sweep me off my feet and melt my heart. I was young and incredibly shallow.
A few epiphany-inducing lectures in philosophy, sociology and literature in college changed my perspective of what boyfriend material is. Back then, I wanted my boyfriend to be an intellectual, and of course, he had to have wit, charm, and looks…
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who deviated from the norm of strictly adhering to standards. I’ve heard of stories about women foregoing the ‘better catch’ simply because they’ve found the man they want to spend the rest of their lives with. The ‘better catch’ may have been financially stable or better looking. He may have possessed a stellar career and reputation. So why would you settle for anything ‘less’?
Why would a woman go for the average Joe when she could go home with the next big thing?
Simple, really.
Many people begin their quest for their lifetime partner in a naive fashion similar to my teenage experience. Others unconsciously do the same. But don’t get me wrong, though. A standard is there to weed out the bad and reveal the good. In fact, it’s the starting point. When you meet someone that doesn’t conform to your set of standards, you hesitate at first, thinking that he’s not for you.
If he’s successful in getting your attention, you decide on two things: to accept or to reject. Then there’s the third option people like me end up choosing, and that’s to give the relationship a try; or at least a second chance.
As you gradually mature and grow into the relationship, you will find that your set of standards has been evolving and will continuously evolve until the time. It ultimately becomes a mish-mash of characteristics, philosophies, dreams, and values that inevitably hold a higher place over material possessions and good looks.
At some point you may begin to understand that each individual is complex and inherently different from another and that not one person will fit all your ideals.
This is the time when you eventually come to terms with imperfection and the realization that everyone has flaws you have learned to accept. The man that has captured your heart has kept you in his arms simply because he’s himself – no ostentatious dates or extravagant presents. Just him, his tool box, and a box of chocolates and Kleenex on a bad day. There are many like him, it’s just that ladies are too busy giving security passes to “safe” men.
What happened to me is not unique. I met a man who didn’t meet my standards; but what’s special about it is that my relationship with him is one that continues to teach me to be independent without being alone. In the duration of our ongoing relationship, I have learned to be patient and to listen. I learned to appreciate the arts and how to fix, maintain, and repair things around the house. I learned to be humble and to be considerate of others. I learned to admit my mistakes and make up for them. All of these I would not have picked up from someone who had everything I wanted.
Who is my breaker of standards? He doesn’t drive a fancy car. He doesn’t play the piano or the sax. He doesn’t have a trust fund nor the face and body of an Abercrombie and Fitch model. He doesn’t have a butler because he can manage his own schedule and cook his own food. He drives a beat-up Mitsubishi Lancer. He plays the drums. He’s a middle-income earner battling his way to new opportunities. Most importantly, he’s the one who made me realize that standards are merely a set of basic criteria that hinders you from seeing and experiencing something more meaningful.
Let’s see. I guess my list looks like: great smile (and easy), sense of personal style, intelligent and easy to talk to, ambitious, compatible sense of humor to mine, and acts like a gentleman (chivalrous). And obviously, he thinks I am awesome!
My perfect guy is knowledgeable about female anatomy. He knows that sex does not irreversibly stretch anything out because vaginal muscles don’t work that way, and he also knows that if she is really tight it’s because she is not very aroused and he needs to work on that.
Can’t describe it. I know it when I see it. And even once I see it, or don’t see it, what comes out when they open their mouth is still more important than their looks. I wouldn’t turn down Rufus Sewell, though.
A guy could be 5′ tall and weigh 300 lb. and you toss him a guitar, some ink, a personality and a cool (let’s say Irish) accent and I’d be after his lucky charms.
I’m really attracted to tattoos, piercings, less common hairstyles and clothing choices. Basically anything that deviates from the whole “country club” clean cut look…is good. The more a guy blends into “normalcy” the less I will be interested in them. I think it’s hot when a guy likes cats. I think that the accents of other English speaking countries (UK, Australia, etc) are very, very attractive. If I were drafting up Mr. Perfect from scratch, he would also be a Cancer (the sign)…simply because every time I meet one, we get on fantastically well. I’d rather he was not an artist, because I am and I don’t collaborate well. But I’d love it if he played a string instrument. Or several string instruments. I’d like him to be an easygoing soul who is OK with living apart and only seeing one another when we want to, not every day because we have no choice. I’d like it if we were both free to see other people, and I’d love it if he had similar interests in music, rollercoasters, travel, D&D/Sci-fi stuff, etc. I want a guy who, if he is down on his luck, believes it can get better, and if he’s doing well, is thankful for what he has, in other words an optimist who is not convinced the world is terrible. Someone funny and charismatic and intelligent.
Eh, I don’t really have a ‘perfect’ guy. Height isn’t an issue, but most guys won’t date a woman taller than they are so that gets rid of a lot of prospective partners right off the bat. Basically, if a guy shows any interest and doesn’t seem like a sociopath, serial killer or ex con/current con then I’ll go out with him. Looks are pretty low on my list since all looks fade and I don’t want someones physical attractiveness to be the main reason I’m with them.
Same height as me or just an inch or two taller then me when wearing high heels ( I’m 6ft)
Hair color Dont matter , eye color Dont matter , skin color Dont matter , heck , even nipple color Dont matter ( yea … I know some guys have preference to that )
Slim , lean , athletic ( close to my physical appearance)
Long hair .
Dont have to be highly intelligent but also not dumb as a doorknob . ( as long as we can have constructive conversations and stupid odd one liners )
A man whose intelligence is close to mine. A man whose education level is close to mine. A man whose ambition and drive are similar to mine. I like a man who is capable of some empathy. I don’t expect 100%, but a sociopath isn’t going to be acceptable to me. I like a man with a kind heart and a sense of humor that I can understand and who, in turn, gets my jokes. I’m not interested in man who has major mental health issues, a bad temper, a cruel streak, or extreme jealousy. On the superficial level, he has to use some acceptable level of dental care and be willing to participate in some of my hobbies and be willing to find something else to do when I am doing one of my hobbies that he doesn’t want to do. Smoking, doping, alcoholism, poor hygiene, and pet intolerance are 100% deal breakers. As for looks, height doesn’t matter, weight doesn’t matter, hair color (or lack thereof) doesn’t matter. I’ve dated a marvelous man who had bad skin, so apparently, that isn’t important, either. I don’t care what his job is, as long as he works hard and has some life goals.
I have no perfect man. Only a perfect feeling when I meet the right one. I have dated blonde hair blue eyed, Italian, dark hair dark eyes, tall-6’2″, short-5’2″, broke, unemployed, mental issues, the list goes on.
for me the perfect man would show up, he’d give me a briefcase full of $100 bills, and then he’d leave without saying a word. ???