In high school I had this delusional criteria of the perfect boyfriend- a rich kid who could manage to take me to dinners at the fanciest restaurants; a jock who’d make me the envy of all the other girls; and a bad boy with a heart of gold and a gentleman’s touch who’d sweep me off my feet and melt my heart. I was young and incredibly shallow.
A few epiphany-inducing lectures in philosophy, sociology and literature in college changed my perspective of what boyfriend material is. Back then, I wanted my boyfriend to be an intellectual, and of course, he had to have wit, charm, and looks…
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who deviated from the norm of strictly adhering to standards. I’ve heard of stories about women foregoing the ‘better catch’ simply because they’ve found the man they want to spend the rest of their lives with. The ‘better catch’ may have been financially stable or better looking. He may have possessed a stellar career and reputation. So why would you settle for anything ‘less’?
Why would a woman go for the average Joe when she could go home with the next big thing?
Simple, really.
Many people begin their quest for their lifetime partner in a naive fashion similar to my teenage experience. Others unconsciously do the same. But don’t get me wrong, though. A standard is there to weed out the bad and reveal the good. In fact, it’s the starting point. When you meet someone that doesn’t conform to your set of standards, you hesitate at first, thinking that he’s not for you.
If he’s successful in getting your attention, you decide on two things: to accept or to reject. Then there’s the third option people like me end up choosing, and that’s to give the relationship a try; or at least a second chance.
As you gradually mature and grow into the relationship, you will find that your set of standards has been evolving and will continuously evolve until the time. It ultimately becomes a mish-mash of characteristics, philosophies, dreams, and values that inevitably hold a higher place over material possessions and good looks.
At some point you may begin to understand that each individual is complex and inherently different from another and that not one person will fit all your ideals.
This is the time when you eventually come to terms with imperfection and the realization that everyone has flaws you have learned to accept. The man that has captured your heart has kept you in his arms simply because he’s himself – no ostentatious dates or extravagant presents. Just him, his tool box, and a box of chocolates and Kleenex on a bad day. There are many like him, it’s just that ladies are too busy giving security passes to “safe” men.
What happened to me is not unique. I met a man who didn’t meet my standards; but what’s special about it is that my relationship with him is one that continues to teach me to be independent without being alone. In the duration of our ongoing relationship, I have learned to be patient and to listen. I learned to appreciate the arts and how to fix, maintain, and repair things around the house. I learned to be humble and to be considerate of others. I learned to admit my mistakes and make up for them. All of these I would not have picked up from someone who had everything I wanted.
Who is my breaker of standards? He doesn’t drive a fancy car. He doesn’t play the piano or the sax. He doesn’t have a trust fund nor the face and body of an Abercrombie and Fitch model. He doesn’t have a butler because he can manage his own schedule and cook his own food. He drives a beat-up Mitsubishi Lancer. He plays the drums. He’s a middle-income earner battling his way to new opportunities. Most importantly, he’s the one who made me realize that standards are merely a set of basic criteria that hinders you from seeing and experiencing something more meaningful.
A lot of men called me difficult in the past. But my current boyfriend never found me difficult to love or deal with. Finding the right person who can accept you for who you are is very rare because we live in a world wherein standards are very high even for love. Quite heartbreaking actually, because there are people who value material things and physical appearances above all, which is quite unfair because someone who isn’t very appealing can have the greatest personality ever but since people value other things. Sad..
We can never be too much for the right person.?
This is one of the reasons why love seems hard to find nowadays. We have this check list inside our heads and all of it has to be ticked just for the person to be the one for us.
Let’s not shame people for choosing people whom you think are way below their standards. Let people choose whoever they think is right. Stop sticking your noses in someone else’s business.?
It’s honestly mean to call someone average just because there’s someone better than that person. How would you feel if someone calls you average just because someone WILL always be better than you? Who are we to even call others average and the rest superior? We’re all human beings here. I see other women judging men too much even though they’re good people and are decent earners. I know it’s mostly about the battle of the paycheck here but let’s face it, we can’t always marry rich men and live extravagant lives.?
Anyone who you have bonded with and fallen in love with will always fit your standards no matter what.
If you love the person you’re with, who cares if there’s someone out there that’s better? You can’t just go on marrying people just because they’re better.?
When you already have the partner that you want to be with for the rest of your life, you would definitely forego the better catch. Who would be shallow enough to just leave the person you really love just for someone who has a stellar career? Who knows, that person might prioritize their career mroe than you. You’ll end up having such a sad relationship. Career is important in order to have a stable income, but the world doesn’t revolve around it, especially if you’re looking for a relationship that’s meant to last.
I don’t think it’s a problem to go with ‘safe men’. They’re considered safe for a reason because most of the time they’re the ones with a decent job, okay personality but nothing too extreme. People like them deserve to be loved too, so there’s really no issue.
Emotional connection is so difficult to find nowadays, I’m not even into standards as long as the person isn’t a serial killer. ? But seriously speaking, I value emotional connection more than anything else.
If you’re always searching for someone who is better, you can never appreciate what’s in front of you. So every time you think that your partner is inadequate, you might just be imagining it because you’re always looking for flaws just so you can justify the fact that he doesn’t fit your standards. This is very wrong, you know what they say, “One day you will realize you lost a diamond while you’re too busy collecting stones.” For me, this quote doesn’t mean that you were collecting men, but more like you were busy focusing on the useless things rather than the important ones.