In the age of Trump, it seems as though we’ve slipped backwards in time. It’s once again assumed that if you’re a woman, you must be good at cooking, cleaning, and making men happy. Unfortunately for my hubby, I wasn’t blessed with the motivation to work on these domestic gifts. If it wasn’t for UberEats and the pre-made food section at Whole Foods, I’d probably have died well before I had the chance to get hitched. Luckily for me, my hubby is a feminist so he’s happy to cook, clean, make me smoothies, and still be my big strong, sexy (and breadwinning) man.
Society encourages young girls to turn on their Easy-Bake Ovens and dress up their American Girl dolls, all in preparation for a life of housekeeping and child-rearing. I may’ve gone down that path myself, if not for the time I burnt my hand trying to make a brownie.
Aside from Trump trying his best to drag us all back into the dark ages, as time passed, thoughts have slowly progressed about the roles of women in society. Bursting out of their kitchens, women broke into the business world and turned perspectives upside down. Breaking barriers that once seemed impossible for women to do, you’d think that most men would now have no choice but to see women as equals in the workplace, and soon, the home. But do they?
As women began to be taken more seriously, the myths and stereotypes about women have been consistently called into question. Gone, it seemed, were the archaic ideas that all women want is to get married and have children, as more and more women these days are satisfied with putting their careers first.
I don’t feel any shame about being bad at “women’s work,” and I’m not convinced there’s any reason I should be.
Buttttt, based on the fact that so many white women voted for Trump because their husbands wanted them to, it seems we still have a long way to go. So this seems like an opportune time to clarify a few things, in case Trump or any of his followers are reading this:
Myth: All women are good cooks.
Truth: This one is definitely not true — just ask my husband! In our home, my hubby does the cooking, but across America the task still typically falls to women. A survey by the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that on an average day, 83% of women do some sort of housework, compared to 65% of men. With respect to food preparation and clean-up specifically, only 40% of men, compared to 66% of women, take responsibility for it. So, it’s not so much that women are good cooks as it is they tend to get saddled with that task more, because of our still-sexist society.
Myth: All women are good at cleaning.
Truth: We all know the gender roles when it comes to cleanliness for boys and girls: boys are expected to be filthy while girls are expected to be prim. As for adults — how many times have you seen a man pushing a vacuum around a room or cleaning up after kids in a TV commercial? Exactly.
Wondering why a vacuum cleaner is still in the portrait of a standard housewife? One women’s magazine article said cleaning is a form of meditation. Another article said that women just have higher standards of cleanliness. They both go on to say that if a house is a mess, the woman living there is the one who’ll be judged, not the man. Yikes!
Myth: All women are all feminists.
Truth: I wish (!!), but clearly not — as IMHO a feminist wouldn’t vote for Trump. Not because Trump is a man who ran against a woman, but because Trump is a sexist pig who thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to sexually abuse and objectify women.
The definition of feminism comes down to the fact that women are equal to men and deserve every opportunity to prove it, not that feminists think men are scum (they don’t! that’s missing the point!). Feminists aren’t a different breed of person, they just demand the acknowledgement that anything a man can do, a woman can do.
I want a man to hold a door open for me, but I also want women to get promotions for their hard work, and not be judged based on how we look in a skirt. Empowering organizations such as Lean In aren’t trying to make women kick all men to the curb, but instead give them the tools to realize they can and should stand on their own two feet without feeling inferior to men in and outside of the workplace.
Myth: Women don’t enjoy sex as much as guys.
Truth: Just because I’m not running around trying to sleep with everyone that looks good doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy sex. Women are just a bit more reserved about it, or at least they tend to be. Maybe if we weren’t pressured to be a “sexy virgin” by society, we’d act more like men do. Plus, we don’t have sex just to make the other person feel good (unless we’re deep down the rabbit hole of self-objectification); it’s about us, too, and don’t you forget it.
Myth: All women love to shop.
Truth: Personally, I hate shopping. The minute I’m inside a mall or clothing store, I want to get out. That’s why I do all my shopping online.
But the sad truth is that women are pressured by society to shop because they’re held to higher standards than men regarding appearance. The fashion industry aims their advertising mostly at women, in an effort to create insecurities. And –amazingly– in Trump’s America it’s still hard to be taken seriously when you’re a young woman getting started in the business world …especially if you aren’t well dressed. When it comes to appearance, women are expected to be on top of their game at all times, while men are allowed to simply slide by. #SoNotFair
The Bottom Line
I don’t feel any shame about being bad at “women’s work,” and I’m not convinced there’s any reason I should be. Women have a lot more opportunities these days, but that’s not to say you’re any less of a modern woman if you fit this “traditional” mold. Feminism is about choice.
The fact of the matter is, women have other things to do in life besides cooking, cleaning, and giving birth. As times have changed, so has what’s expected of women. These days, women are able to juggle all of that and more while still being happy. Some are stuck in the past, but progressive women all over the world are changing how women are perceived and refuse to be held to old-timey standards.
My partner and I both work full time. I recently realized that I was doing more of the household chores than him on average, and spoke to him about it. He was reasonable, although at first, he offered to ‘take ownership’ of one task as ‘his share’ and I had to (again reasonably) point out that his share is of course half of everything that needs doing.
As a general rule, if you ask people to compare how much work they do to others, they’ll overstate their own contributions and downplay those of others. If people are following gender roles then men may spend time doing things like DIY, gardening, and cleaning cars, which may be ignored in this survey. Its very likely women do more housework overall, but this is just a lazy way of finding out. Also, by only asking women about housework there’s an implicit assumption that housework is only a women’s issue, not something to bother asking men about. Such thinking is not going to bring equality.
I’m a married woman. I have a cleaner, who comes once a week to vacuum and give the kitchen a bathroom a onceover. He’s a bloke, if that helps to even the world of domestic chores up a bit?
Housework, is unpaid, undervalued and unrewarded – and is often a thankless task.
I agree. When people call us ‘stay at home mothers’ they think it’s not as real as an office job. Mind you, it’s twice as tiring.
I’m a woman and I do 2 hours housework a week. It’d be less if I didn’t have a white tile floor to mop every week. My boyfriend looks after his, and he’s more houseproud than me. But its still too much for a lot of us women to want to bother doing relentlessly every week for years. I recently decided I want to an assignment in another country and that’s one of the big reasons why – hotel or serviced apartment life for a while will be a break from running my home. We make our choices on this. Most women are happy to do it if it means they get the man and babies. That bit’s really, really obvious.
House work is massively overrated, I mean why do it provided you keep the kitchen and bathroom reasonably clean then the rest can wait until the imminent arrival of visitors forces you to tidy. Simple. So far no one has died or disowned me due to dust, piles of books or a light smattering of dog hairs.
My next door neighbors are a man who spends all day working in a garage and a woman who is a stay at home mother. Their kid is now in secondary school. You’d think that because the man spent all day in a garage working his ass off to provide for the whole family the woman might cut him some slack on housework but no, he has to do half of everything related to housework. So does that mean she has to come into the garage and do half of his work?
Oh feminists… how you embrace words like chore to promote negativity.
Nobody lies on their deathbed thinking, ‘I wish I’d kept up with the housework’, but it is a serious issue dividing couples and we have to ask why it comes back time and again. Are we really genetically programmed to be keeping the cave tidy while the man goes off to hunt? We’re educated women, does housework really matter? Why do we care about it so much? Is it natural instinct or the root of inequality? Our kids see us arguing about it all the time and what are we saying to them about equality for women?
Strikes me that there’s no respect if the housework isn’t equally shared. So what is it about our social conditioning that men feel it’s OK to disrespect women?
Someone finally said it! Respect! That’s the word!