In the age of Trump, it seems as though we’ve slipped backwards in time. It’s once again assumed that if you’re a woman, you must be good at cooking, cleaning, and making men happy. Unfortunately for my hubby, I wasn’t blessed with the motivation to work on these domestic gifts. If it wasn’t for UberEats and the pre-made food section at Whole Foods, I’d probably have died well before I had the chance to get hitched. Luckily for me, my hubby is a feminist so he’s happy to cook, clean, make me smoothies, and still be my big strong, sexy (and breadwinning) man.
Society encourages young girls to turn on their Easy-Bake Ovens and dress up their American Girl dolls, all in preparation for a life of housekeeping and child-rearing. I may’ve gone down that path myself, if not for the time I burnt my hand trying to make a brownie.
Aside from Trump trying his best to drag us all back into the dark ages, as time passed, thoughts have slowly progressed about the roles of women in society. Bursting out of their kitchens, women broke into the business world and turned perspectives upside down. Breaking barriers that once seemed impossible for women to do, you’d think that most men would now have no choice but to see women as equals in the workplace, and soon, the home. But do they?
As women began to be taken more seriously, the myths and stereotypes about women have been consistently called into question. Gone, it seemed, were the archaic ideas that all women want is to get married and have children, as more and more women these days are satisfied with putting their careers first.
I don’t feel any shame about being bad at “women’s work,” and I’m not convinced there’s any reason I should be.
Buttttt, based on the fact that so many white women voted for Trump because their husbands wanted them to, it seems we still have a long way to go. So this seems like an opportune time to clarify a few things, in case Trump or any of his followers are reading this:
Myth: All women are good cooks.
Truth: This one is definitely not true — just ask my husband! In our home, my hubby does the cooking, but across America the task still typically falls to women. A survey by the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that on an average day, 83% of women do some sort of housework, compared to 65% of men. With respect to food preparation and clean-up specifically, only 40% of men, compared to 66% of women, take responsibility for it. So, it’s not so much that women are good cooks as it is they tend to get saddled with that task more, because of our still-sexist society.
Myth: All women are good at cleaning.
Truth: We all know the gender roles when it comes to cleanliness for boys and girls: boys are expected to be filthy while girls are expected to be prim. As for adults — how many times have you seen a man pushing a vacuum around a room or cleaning up after kids in a TV commercial? Exactly.
Wondering why a vacuum cleaner is still in the portrait of a standard housewife? One women’s magazine article said cleaning is a form of meditation. Another article said that women just have higher standards of cleanliness. They both go on to say that if a house is a mess, the woman living there is the one who’ll be judged, not the man. Yikes!
Myth: All women are all feminists.
Truth: I wish (!!), but clearly not — as IMHO a feminist wouldn’t vote for Trump. Not because Trump is a man who ran against a woman, but because Trump is a sexist pig who thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to sexually abuse and objectify women.
The definition of feminism comes down to the fact that women are equal to men and deserve every opportunity to prove it, not that feminists think men are scum (they don’t! that’s missing the point!). Feminists aren’t a different breed of person, they just demand the acknowledgement that anything a man can do, a woman can do.
I want a man to hold a door open for me, but I also want women to get promotions for their hard work, and not be judged based on how we look in a skirt. Empowering organizations such as Lean In aren’t trying to make women kick all men to the curb, but instead give them the tools to realize they can and should stand on their own two feet without feeling inferior to men in and outside of the workplace.
Myth: Women don’t enjoy sex as much as guys.
Truth: Just because I’m not running around trying to sleep with everyone that looks good doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy sex. Women are just a bit more reserved about it, or at least they tend to be. Maybe if we weren’t pressured to be a “sexy virgin” by society, we’d act more like men do. Plus, we don’t have sex just to make the other person feel good (unless we’re deep down the rabbit hole of self-objectification); it’s about us, too, and don’t you forget it.
Myth: All women love to shop.
Truth: Personally, I hate shopping. The minute I’m inside a mall or clothing store, I want to get out. That’s why I do all my shopping online.
But the sad truth is that women are pressured by society to shop because they’re held to higher standards than men regarding appearance. The fashion industry aims their advertising mostly at women, in an effort to create insecurities. And –amazingly– in Trump’s America it’s still hard to be taken seriously when you’re a young woman getting started in the business world …especially if you aren’t well dressed. When it comes to appearance, women are expected to be on top of their game at all times, while men are allowed to simply slide by. #SoNotFair
The Bottom Line
I don’t feel any shame about being bad at “women’s work,” and I’m not convinced there’s any reason I should be. Women have a lot more opportunities these days, but that’s not to say you’re any less of a modern woman if you fit this “traditional” mold. Feminism is about choice.
The fact of the matter is, women have other things to do in life besides cooking, cleaning, and giving birth. As times have changed, so has what’s expected of women. These days, women are able to juggle all of that and more while still being happy. Some are stuck in the past, but progressive women all over the world are changing how women are perceived and refuse to be held to old-timey standards.
I’m not married, I live with my boyfriend. if I was honest, I’d have to estimate that he does slightly more than me. I’m sure all that will change if marriage and kids come into it. It also looks like he’ll earn more than me which won’t help if it comes to deciding who asks for reduced hours!
Being a mum was not a full-time job in our household, it was strictly 8 to 6. If I was home from work I was expected to do it as ‘she who must be obeyed’ had been doing it all day and had had enough– even though the children had been out at school for most of that day. And weekends? That was her time off from her stressful role as a mum. Still I could usually get through the housework in 2 hours on a Saturday morning and the children and I could then have a lovely weekend doing things together. I don’t know what she did with her weekend, though I think we had more fun.
It really surprises me that women “try” to get men to do the cleaning, I wouldn’t have a partner who didn’t do half the work because it’s a clear sign of inequality but I want my surroundings to be clean (don’t mind the mess) not spotless.
My partner says the lawn-mowing, gardening, rubbish disposal, DIY and general house/car maintenance is work for the man of the house. OK, that’s fine, I don’t mind doing all that. But why am I expected to carry that can AND do 50 percent of the domestic duties too?
Maybe it was the showhome-type houses I was brought up in, and seeing my mum doing housework when I was small, but as an adult woman I just cannot bring myself to want a spick & span house. I have a cleaner (and I’m single, shocking I know!), she hoovers once a fortnight and the house does not get hoovered in between. Life’s too short! As long as I’m not living in filth, I just can’t bring myself to care. Contrast with my sister, whose house is so neat & clean that I barely dare sit down in it, for fear of rumpling the sofa…
Single working parents, male or female do it all, it’s possible but not fun. Kids can and do take some responsibility for their surroundings being pleasant. I think it’s our job to make sure that we respect ourselves and the people with whom we share our spaces.
I agree. I don’t even think chores are supposed to be argued about.
Whoever does it, they should do it with pride and love. The creation and running of an orderly, well looked-after home is no mean feat. Don’t start to sneer at it or just dismiss it as hoovering because of gender wars.
For a long time, it has been unfashionable to say that some women want to stay at home, to the point where women are now asking what happened to choice. Well, choice is gone for most women now. If you can afford to outsource cleaning and childcare, then you can keep your career, but we find it hard to outsource those roles. Maybe we disempower men. Women just get so fed up having to nag to get their partner to wash up that they do it themselves.
Just a short visit from a married father of three teenagers, who does most of the housework, most of the cooking, and still finds time for a more than full-time job. Must go now, the bathroom still needs to be done.
Perhaps men just don’t care so much about the house being spotless… why should they be equal if that’s the case? I’m guessing men spend more time, I don’t know, washing cars. Because they care more. Nobody is asking women to take 50% of that job.