In high school I had this delusional criteria of the perfect boyfriend- a rich kid who could manage to take me to dinners at the fanciest restaurants; a jock who’d make me the envy of all the other girls; and a bad boy with a heart of gold and a gentleman’s touch who’d sweep me off my feet and melt my heart. I was young and incredibly shallow.
A few epiphany-inducing lectures in philosophy, sociology and literature in college changed my perspective of what boyfriend material is. Back then, I wanted my boyfriend to be an intellectual, and of course, he had to have wit, charm, and looks…
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who deviated from the norm of strictly adhering to standards. I’ve heard of stories about women foregoing the ‘better catch’ simply because they’ve found the man they want to spend the rest of their lives with. The ‘better catch’ may have been financially stable or better looking. He may have possessed a stellar career and reputation. So why would you settle for anything ‘less’?
Why would a woman go for the average Joe when she could go home with the next big thing?
Simple, really.
Many people begin their quest for their lifetime partner in a naive fashion similar to my teenage experience. Others unconsciously do the same. But don’t get me wrong, though. A standard is there to weed out the bad and reveal the good. In fact, it’s the starting point. When you meet someone that doesn’t conform to your set of standards, you hesitate at first, thinking that he’s not for you.
If he’s successful in getting your attention, you decide on two things: to accept or to reject. Then there’s the third option people like me end up choosing, and that’s to give the relationship a try; or at least a second chance.
As you gradually mature and grow into the relationship, you will find that your set of standards has been evolving and will continuously evolve until the time. It ultimately becomes a mish-mash of characteristics, philosophies, dreams, and values that inevitably hold a higher place over material possessions and good looks.
At some point you may begin to understand that each individual is complex and inherently different from another and that not one person will fit all your ideals.
This is the time when you eventually come to terms with imperfection and the realization that everyone has flaws you have learned to accept. The man that has captured your heart has kept you in his arms simply because he’s himself – no ostentatious dates or extravagant presents. Just him, his tool box, and a box of chocolates and Kleenex on a bad day. There are many like him, it’s just that ladies are too busy giving security passes to “safe” men.
What happened to me is not unique. I met a man who didn’t meet my standards; but what’s special about it is that my relationship with him is one that continues to teach me to be independent without being alone. In the duration of our ongoing relationship, I have learned to be patient and to listen. I learned to appreciate the arts and how to fix, maintain, and repair things around the house. I learned to be humble and to be considerate of others. I learned to admit my mistakes and make up for them. All of these I would not have picked up from someone who had everything I wanted.
Who is my breaker of standards? He doesn’t drive a fancy car. He doesn’t play the piano or the sax. He doesn’t have a trust fund nor the face and body of an Abercrombie and Fitch model. He doesn’t have a butler because he can manage his own schedule and cook his own food. He drives a beat-up Mitsubishi Lancer. He plays the drums. He’s a middle-income earner battling his way to new opportunities. Most importantly, he’s the one who made me realize that standards are merely a set of basic criteria that hinders you from seeing and experiencing something more meaningful.
Tall (5’11” is considered short with these hormone-injected food eating freaks running around these days), “good” job, easily controlled, generic personality, co-worker. Objective observation over 32 years.
Funny, works as hard as he can, cares about me, compassionate, a little quiet and honest with the things that matter. That last one can be tricky–don’t lie ffs.
Must have a great sense of humour and not get offended easily – I tend to get a bit dark and morbid at times – and has to be able to make me laugh, otherwise we’ll have no chemistry. Patient, loving, open minded, laid-back, passionate about something, intelligent and willing to learn/try new things and teach me too. Sexually adventurous and a libido that can match mine, and doesn’t make me feel weird about fetishes. Taller than me (which isn’t difficult as I’m 5ft 4). That’s about it really as I’m attracted to lots of different people physically. Although, admittedly I have a ‘thing’ for dark hair and light coloured eyes. Ok, so I basically described my boyfriend!
Someone that I connect with and have things in common with, who doesn’t want kids. Preferably jokingly arrogant, a show-off or entertainer type personality, vegetarian, and agnostic. Ideally, he’d shoot blanks. I find that chemistry is more important than fitting a checklist, but I do require that he’s childfree, has a functioning penis, a healthy sex drive, and open communication.
Someone who is thoughtful, kind, easy going, and handsome. I like someone who is outdoorsy and adventurous. Likes to actually go out and do things, rather than sit around and be lazy. Also someone who takes charge at the right times in the right ways.
A guy with pizza is ideal to me, if his hobbies include sharing the pizza. ?
My boyfriend is my ideal. Super intelligent, loves to learn, nerdy as hell, loves to game, loves to laugh, very laid back, goes with the flow, completely open-minded and non-judgmental. He knows something about everything and is a great storyteller. He’s super thoughtful, kind, generous, emotionally aware, honest, sensitive, understanding, and a superb listener. He’s the most perceptive man I’ve ever met and figures people out really quickly, and with near 100% accuracy.
i tend to be attracted to the type of guy that knows what he wants. Somebody who knows what they like and don’t like but are open to try new things in life. Men that have a brilliant sense of humour are always a plus and being intelligent is highly attractive. I would love if he knew what he wanted to do i could support him in his ambitions and he can do the same for me. I am a very free spirited and spontaneous being and would love for him to on that same level with me.
It terms of appearance i seem to go for guys that have a decent amount of facial hair and are taller than men (I’m 5ft 6) and just fit build but i am not too much of a fan of the chiseled 6 pack and mega muscles…just a guy that likes to just keep in shape.
As cliché as it is, my ideal man is my SO. I really love Germans and he happens to be German(yay!) He’s husky, broad shoulders, thick neck, prominent nose, decent sized arms, decent sized hands, muscular legs, really nice ass, grrrrrreeeeaaaat shoulder to hip ratio, green eyes, dark hair and pale skin. He’s so incredibly intelligent with a similar personality to me. He’s just one of those guys that’s gonna end up rich because he just has that ability to succeed. He’s also very loving and caring, hilarious and sensitive/emotional. Puuuuuuuuurfect. drools
I don’t have an ideal, because my needs are so varied. Plus, I’m not limited to just men, either. Each of my partners is in my life for vastly different reasons. Pouring all of their characteristics into one person would be impossible, because some of their traits are directly conflicting.