In high school I had this delusional criteria of the perfect boyfriend- a rich kid who could manage to take me to dinners at the fanciest restaurants; a jock who’d make me the envy of all the other girls; and a bad boy with a heart of gold and a gentleman’s touch who’d sweep me off my feet and melt my heart. I was young and incredibly shallow.
A few epiphany-inducing lectures in philosophy, sociology and literature in college changed my perspective of what boyfriend material is. Back then, I wanted my boyfriend to be an intellectual, and of course, he had to have wit, charm, and looks…
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who deviated from the norm of strictly adhering to standards. I’ve heard of stories about women foregoing the ‘better catch’ simply because they’ve found the man they want to spend the rest of their lives with. The ‘better catch’ may have been financially stable or better looking. He may have possessed a stellar career and reputation. So why would you settle for anything ‘less’?
Why would a woman go for the average Joe when she could go home with the next big thing?
Simple, really.
Many people begin their quest for their lifetime partner in a naive fashion similar to my teenage experience. Others unconsciously do the same. But don’t get me wrong, though. A standard is there to weed out the bad and reveal the good. In fact, it’s the starting point. When you meet someone that doesn’t conform to your set of standards, you hesitate at first, thinking that he’s not for you.
If he’s successful in getting your attention, you decide on two things: to accept or to reject. Then there’s the third option people like me end up choosing, and that’s to give the relationship a try; or at least a second chance.
As you gradually mature and grow into the relationship, you will find that your set of standards has been evolving and will continuously evolve until the time. It ultimately becomes a mish-mash of characteristics, philosophies, dreams, and values that inevitably hold a higher place over material possessions and good looks.
At some point you may begin to understand that each individual is complex and inherently different from another and that not one person will fit all your ideals.
This is the time when you eventually come to terms with imperfection and the realization that everyone has flaws you have learned to accept. The man that has captured your heart has kept you in his arms simply because he’s himself – no ostentatious dates or extravagant presents. Just him, his tool box, and a box of chocolates and Kleenex on a bad day. There are many like him, it’s just that ladies are too busy giving security passes to “safe” men.
What happened to me is not unique. I met a man who didn’t meet my standards; but what’s special about it is that my relationship with him is one that continues to teach me to be independent without being alone. In the duration of our ongoing relationship, I have learned to be patient and to listen. I learned to appreciate the arts and how to fix, maintain, and repair things around the house. I learned to be humble and to be considerate of others. I learned to admit my mistakes and make up for them. All of these I would not have picked up from someone who had everything I wanted.
Who is my breaker of standards? He doesn’t drive a fancy car. He doesn’t play the piano or the sax. He doesn’t have a trust fund nor the face and body of an Abercrombie and Fitch model. He doesn’t have a butler because he can manage his own schedule and cook his own food. He drives a beat-up Mitsubishi Lancer. He plays the drums. He’s a middle-income earner battling his way to new opportunities. Most importantly, he’s the one who made me realize that standards are merely a set of basic criteria that hinders you from seeing and experiencing something more meaningful.
He’s strong, smart, affectionate. He’s ambitious, and laughs a lot. He likes the outdoors, maybe he’s a bit into fitness but he loves food. He likes movies and has a weird hobby. He’s not a cheater.
I doubt you had to include the last one considering the question was “ideal man” and no one likes to be cheated on.
I want a guy who can be in charge in our relationship but still respects my opinion and isn’t abusive. He has to be an atheist or at least agnostic. Preferably has an interest in science and history. Must love cats and travelling. Preferably doesn’t like to go to clubs or social gatherings all the time. Affectionate and loyal like a puppy is a good trait.
He’s sarcastic and witty. He’s tall (I’m 6ft 1′, I’m a tall girl – this is my only physical requirement) He’s funny and passionate about something – I don’t mind what, just having a passion about something is so attractive. He’s loyal and completely himself. I don’t want to change any man, or for any guy to feel like he has to change himself to be with me.
I’ve always been into the “Clark Kent” look, but I wouldn’t overlook someone who wasn’t tall, athletic with dark hair and a nice jawline…intense eyes are sexy too. Glasses complete the look of course but it’s not a deal breaker haha.
My ideal man is funny, tan, tall, has a chiseled jaw, and loves to cuddle. He doesn’t cheat, and he understands that I’m into some really weird food.
Thinking about this has made me realize that this really evolves over time. The concept of ideal changes. At this point in my life, I would say I value honestly, loyalty, respect, and things like knowing the difference between fucking and making love above the “OMG he’s sooooo hot!” factor. But I’d still want him to have long hair. I have a fetish for that. Instant turn-on. I’d want him to have similar goals and values to mine. I’d want him to want happiness and love, find meaning in just being together, and not value the almighty dollar above all else. He’d have to be intelligent, thoughtful, caring, kind, and understanding, and have a pretty high sex drive. He’d also need to understand why Jeeps are the greatest, and that sometimes I will get gross and dirty, but other times I just want to have my hair and nails done. Pretty sure this is why I’m still single.
I want a dude I can travel with. I’ve grown up going places a lot but I have seen that my mom just can’t travel with my dad because he’s like a cranky two year old when he’s too far from home and too hungry or too tired. Before I marry a man (if I ever am in that position), I’d have to see what he’s like when he is going some place.
My fiance is my ideal man! Personality-wise, he’s caring, affectionate, thinks I’m awesome but isn’t afraid to call me out on bullshit and makes me laugh even when I don’t want to. Looks-wise, he’s dark-haired with dark eyes, has a really nice beard, dresses well and has a nice body from being into fitness.
A guy that can make me laugh, motivate me and keep me sane. Someone who believes in family, loyalty and goodness. He has to be passionate about something, intelligent and witty. If he can cook and clean and not make it seem like he’s doing something ~special~, then that’s great. He’d have to think I’m pretty special and be super affectionate. He also has to be my height or taller than me.
When he says he loves me, he means it. He’s honest, intelligent, teaches me about things he’s interested in, kind, hardworking. He wants to make himself better for me and I want to do the same for him. We can laugh at farts together and he has a sense of adventure. He calls me out on my bullshit when I need it.