In high school I had this delusional criteria of the perfect boyfriend- a rich kid who could manage to take me to dinners at the fanciest restaurants; a jock who’d make me the envy of all the other girls; and a bad boy with a heart of gold and a gentleman’s touch who’d sweep me off my feet and melt my heart. I was young and incredibly shallow.
A few epiphany-inducing lectures in philosophy, sociology and literature in college changed my perspective of what boyfriend material is. Back then, I wanted my boyfriend to be an intellectual, and of course, he had to have wit, charm, and looks…
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who deviated from the norm of strictly adhering to standards. I’ve heard of stories about women foregoing the ‘better catch’ simply because they’ve found the man they want to spend the rest of their lives with. The ‘better catch’ may have been financially stable or better looking. He may have possessed a stellar career and reputation. So why would you settle for anything ‘less’?
Why would a woman go for the average Joe when she could go home with the next big thing?
Simple, really.
Many people begin their quest for their lifetime partner in a naive fashion similar to my teenage experience. Others unconsciously do the same. But don’t get me wrong, though. A standard is there to weed out the bad and reveal the good. In fact, it’s the starting point. When you meet someone that doesn’t conform to your set of standards, you hesitate at first, thinking that he’s not for you.
If he’s successful in getting your attention, you decide on two things: to accept or to reject. Then there’s the third option people like me end up choosing, and that’s to give the relationship a try; or at least a second chance.
As you gradually mature and grow into the relationship, you will find that your set of standards has been evolving and will continuously evolve until the time. It ultimately becomes a mish-mash of characteristics, philosophies, dreams, and values that inevitably hold a higher place over material possessions and good looks.
At some point you may begin to understand that each individual is complex and inherently different from another and that not one person will fit all your ideals.
This is the time when you eventually come to terms with imperfection and the realization that everyone has flaws you have learned to accept. The man that has captured your heart has kept you in his arms simply because he’s himself – no ostentatious dates or extravagant presents. Just him, his tool box, and a box of chocolates and Kleenex on a bad day. There are many like him, it’s just that ladies are too busy giving security passes to “safe” men.
What happened to me is not unique. I met a man who didn’t meet my standards; but what’s special about it is that my relationship with him is one that continues to teach me to be independent without being alone. In the duration of our ongoing relationship, I have learned to be patient and to listen. I learned to appreciate the arts and how to fix, maintain, and repair things around the house. I learned to be humble and to be considerate of others. I learned to admit my mistakes and make up for them. All of these I would not have picked up from someone who had everything I wanted.
Who is my breaker of standards? He doesn’t drive a fancy car. He doesn’t play the piano or the sax. He doesn’t have a trust fund nor the face and body of an Abercrombie and Fitch model. He doesn’t have a butler because he can manage his own schedule and cook his own food. He drives a beat-up Mitsubishi Lancer. He plays the drums. He’s a middle-income earner battling his way to new opportunities. Most importantly, he’s the one who made me realize that standards are merely a set of basic criteria that hinders you from seeing and experiencing something more meaningful.
Someone who laughs and smiles a lot, who pays attention to the world around him, who is thoughtful about how his actions affect others, and who respects others’ points of view.
I like guys with bad-boyish type of look that are secretly huge dorks, really silly, etc. I guess I want the best of both worlds.
Smart, creative, loyal, introverted, honest to the point of sometimes being slightly an asshole, confident in his work/area of study, driven, high work ethic, appreciates art and music, loves animals and gets a kick out of kids, excellent sense of humor, not caught up with superficial details of life, understands what is needed for a healthy lifestyle but isn’t obsessed with it, respects me as an individual human and not just his partner. Oh and for physical characteristics: tall, hairy, bulky/heavy, calm sounding voice.
I’m going to be all cheesy and say my boyfriend. He’s everything I’ve been looking for and more. Funny, intelligent, a problem-solver, romantic, kind, genuine, incredibly successful, flexible where we will live, play and eat, a great conversationalist, understanding and patient, a great lover, attractive, creative, talented, willing to try new things and the list goes on. Did I mention funny? The man makes me laugh so hard and we see the same humor and sarcasm in each other. We both say we hit the jackpot.
Speaking purely physically I have a few features I particularly love,namely;
nice eyes,warm,and brown/black -dark haired
stubble or beard although my boyfriend only has light stubble and I like that right now. -good skin or at least not really bad (I feel bad for saying this and I’m sorry) -not overweight
Personality wise- -have a plan but still flexible Passionate about various pursuits Loves reading
Beyond that it is all individual and each person brings something new to the table and something to be appreciated or in some cases,shows me what I don’t actually like and I learn from it.
All I want is a normal, nice guy. Handsome, athletic, someone who gets me and expresses himself to me, and someone I feel comfortable opening up to in return.
If were talking ideal physical traits only… Tall. Very tall, well over 6′ tall. Hair color and length are unimportant. Blue eyes. Fair skin. Facial hair is a plus. Moderately hairy all over, smooth, hairless men are a turn off. Not super muscled and not morbidly obese, but a nice combination of the two, think Chris Pratt in all his forms. Basically Chris Pratt. I found all of that in my husband, plus brains and a wicked sense of humor and a high sex drive and moderate kinks. Also, no kids.
I tend to go for wiry builds and angular faces. Clean-cut, in-shape, adventurous eater, well-rounded, no tattoos or piercings, plays a musical instrument, avid reader, intensely curious, non-religious, witty, generally calm and grounded, habitual traveler, speaks multiple languages, decisive but open-minded, articulate, talkative, socially savvy, and introverted but just a little less so than me so he can motivate me to actually leave the house.
Ideal? A man with a low, sexy voice, who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread, makes me laugh, smiles a lot and always tries to find and highlight the positives in people and situation. Rich would be good, but with the caveat that he must prefer to spend money on experiences rather than on items and the money has to come from a source that both doesn’t demand too much of his time, and isn’t doing tons of damage to other people/the world. Otherwise it’s not worth it.
Men who have their own set of principles and don’t care what other people think. And not those loud mouths who actually say “I don’t care what other people think! I’ll go out butt-naked and piss on the neighbor’s yard!! YOLO!!”. I want a man who would go on vacation to somewhere they actually want to go, eat something they actually want to eat, and not worry about whether it’s too mainstream or if it would look cool on Facebook. I want someone who will choose his career based on his skills and his interests, instead of what would be impressive during homecoming. I want someone who isn’t egotistical, basically.